Heart on Fire
by RainyMysteria
Summary: (YAOI) Sun Ce finds himself falling for Gan Ning but does the former pirate feels the same way too? What's up with Zhou Yu and Xiao Qiao? Don't miss the dramatic plots with LEMON! This fanfic is now COMPLETED!
1. Wishful thinking

------------------ Heart on Fire ------------------  
  
By Rainy Mysteria (rainymysteria@hotmail.com)  
  
**Note: The characters in this fanfic is based on Koei's Dynasty Warriors 4. I wrote this fic just out of interest after reading a yaoi fiction. The story includes many characters from the game and promise you there will be dramatic plots and twists in the story. The only character that was made up in this fiction is Pei Lin, which is named after a girl that I know in real life, she is my friend but I don't really like her. Though the character she plays here suits her. Hehe. I hope you enjoy this fic and please submit your reviews, so that I know at least how many people are reading this and any comments are appreciated. You are warned that this is yaoi (male/male relationship) though and there is no reason for you to flame me for that.  
  
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It begins with a mission to win over Lu Bu's forces, and Wu forces were successful. However, Sun Ce is not happy...  
  
Chapter One - Wishful thinking  
  
'Another winter, another successful mission but I was beaten by Lu Bu.' Sun Ce thought sadly as he lay down on his bed.  
  
The only time he'd let himself acknowledge his disappointment was when he was alone, when he didn't have to keep up his act, keep wearing his plastered on smirk. He sighed. Why couldn't he have followed orders? Oh, that's right, he was Sun Ce the renegade, Sun Ce the rebel.  
  
"Sun Ce the asshole" he said to himself quietly as he turned over, bunching the silk blanket up around his clenched fists.  
  
He had applauded the people who had made his father proud, those who brought success in today's mission and deep down he knew they deserved it, even though he tried to think he was better than they were. He sighed again, wondering when things had gone wrong for him. He'd built a barrier around himself and he knew he couldn't tear it down alone. His thoughts drifted back to those people.  
  
Zhou Yu. He admired Zhou Yu despite their long time friendship and sometimes being compared with each other in battles, he was everything Sun Ce wasn't. He followed orders, he was disciplined and above all he was praised. Sun Ce only got put down; by his brother, Sun Quan on occasions. He didn't hate Zhou Yu, he knew that, but he couldn't stand the fact that he was just as good as Zhou Yu on the battlefield.  
  
Then there was his sister, Sun Shang Xiang. He didn't know how someone who seemed like such an airhead could fight like her. She was always happy. He scorned himself for thinking about her like that, afterall Sun Shang Xiang is his sister.  
  
There were others like Lu Xun, Lu Meng and many more but they didn't shine in today's battle.  
  
Last but not least there was Gan Ning. His heart lifted a little and he smiled faintly as he thought of the shorter spiky haired guy, always in motion, bouncing on his heels and slashing his sword in the air as he went through his moves. He could still remember Gan Ning's look of joy as the Wu's leader, Sun Jian announced his name and praised him, a huge grin fixed to his face. His smile grew a little bigger after thinking about how happy he was. He may have picked on Gan Ning for as long as he could remember but he knew how he felt about the former pirate. He was infatuated with him; he'd felt this way ever since Gan Ning had joined Wu forces at an early age with Sun Quan's recommendation. Afterall, Sun Quan was an intelligent person and already showed his talent on picking the right people at an early age. The time Sun Ce knew for definite was when he was sixteen. Gan Ning had stood up for Sun Ce, despite the names he'd called him, despite the countless times he'd put him down, even after the fights they'd got into. Gan Ning had still stood up for him. He couldn't believe it. His feeling of happiness after thinking about Gan Ning soon disappeared when he suddenly gave himself a reality check.  
  
'Quit dreaming Sun Ce, why would he like you anyway? After all you've done. You always picked on him, plus you know he's not the type who like men. He went out with that girl Pei Lin after all...'  
  
He had never admitted to anyone that he was gay, not even Zhou Yu, Sun Quan or Sun Shang Xiang, the only people he is closed to. The only people who knew were the nameless people he had picked up in local drink joint and slept with, gaining a little comfort from such acts. He'd shared his body with no one from Wu forces, since gay relationships were frowned upon and there was an unspoken rule about such issues.  
  
He sighed again, a long sad exhale which summed up his innermost feelings of turmoil. The only reason he picked on Gan Ning was to stop him from being rejected. If Gan Ning didn't know that he liked him he wouldn't have the chance to turn him down. It was a stupid notion but it worked. Gan Ning didn't have a clue about his feelings.  
  
As he slipped out of his thoughts he heard the music coming from the main hall.  
  
'It's the celebration party' he thought sadly as he stood up and looked down from his window.  
  
The people looked small, but he could see beautiful girls dancing and men drinking wines. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the loneliness. Everyone was invited to the party; those who were not involved in today's mission could come along too. Sun Quan and Sun Shang Xiang had asked him to go along with them but he'd told them to go and have fun. Now though, he felt like taking a walk, maybe he'd go and see his brother and sister and have a few drinks. Anything but stay here and be alone with his thoughts. He pulled on his armoured robe and walked to the door. 


	2. Disgrace

Chapter Two - Disgrace  
  
"God, this is boring" Gan Ning mumbled to himself.  
  
He was standing alone by the drink table and watched as everyone laughed, talked and danced around him. He hated formal occasions; they made him feel so out of place. He'd talked to Lu Meng and Lu Xun and had been congratulated by many people on the success of the mission but now he was left alone and he wished he could sneak out and go somewhere else. He tugged at the sleeve of his new gold armour given by Sun Jian as a reward for being the most outstanding officer in today's mission, it itched uncomfortably against his skin. Of course he was overjoyed at being one of the best officers, it was what he'd devoted all his life to becoming, but now he felt a bit empty. He'd got here and now what?  
  
He took a cup of wine from the table in front of him and finished it off quickly. Despite passing he still couldn't believe that his hard work and intensive training had paid off. A smile broke over his face as his brain registered that fact. He remembered going in the Wu forces and telling his mother and the look of pride across her face as she quickly told nearly everyone in the area to tell him or her the news. Gan Ning, her emotional son who everyone had doubted, was a great officer. His smile soon turned into a grin and he immediately felt better.  
  
"What are you grinning at, Ning Boy?"  
  
Gan Ning groaned, his happiness short-lived, and turned to the direction of the voice he knew only too well.  
  
"Lord Sun Ce, what are you doin' here?  
  
"Am I not allowed here since I'm defeated today? I'm truly hurt!"  
  
Sun Ce put on a mock expression of hurt but Gan Ning couldn't help but notice the faint glimmer of disappointment lying in Sun Ce's eyes.  
  
"Okay, let me rephrase. How come you're here when you said you would rather hang yourself then come?"  
  
Sun Ce shrugged "I was bored, thought I might get a drink and see who's here."  
  
His eyes scanned the hall, everyone was so damn happy. He felt so alone but he knew that if he hadn't have got out of his room he'd have gone insane.  
  
"Well.... Here you go." Gan Ning replied hesitantly, handing Sun Ce a drink from the table.  
  
"Thanks Ning Boy." said Sun Ce with a wink.  
  
Gan Ning's eyes narrowed. "Quit calling me that! The least you could do is thank me like a normal person."  
  
"Fine, fine" said Sun Ce, waving his left hand in an apologetic manner. "Thanks..."  
  
Gan Ning's eyes went from their look of annoyance to normal.  
  
"...Ning Boy" Sun Ce finished his sentence belatedly, causing the smaller guy to narrow his eyes again and curl his lips back into a snarl which caused Sun Ce to smile inwardly. He loved seeing that look, it was cuter than anything else.  
  
"Ugh! You're so fucking annoying!" Gan Ning snarled as he picked up his drink and walked off.  
  
Sun Ce sighed. Why did he always do it? It was the only way he could contain his feelings for Gan Ning, he figured. Plus he'd do anything to get his attention somehow. He looked around the large room and took another sip of his drink. His eyes finally settled on Zhou Yu who was talking with a woman in a beautiful pink silk robe.  
  
"Diao Chan?" He raised his eyebrow "What the hell is she doing here?"  
  
He put down his glass and waved to her when she looked his way. She made a motion, excusing herself from Zhou Yu's company, then walked over to Sun Ce.  
  
"Hey Sun Ce, I haven't seen you since..." Her sentence died and a slight look of sadness passed over her eyes.  
  
"...Last winter?" Sun Ce ventured, pouring them both a drink.  
  
"Yeah. It sure is nice to see you again."  
  
She smiled as she was handed a cup. Sun Ce looked at the sweet girl in front of him. He could feel some of the electricity that they used to have, a slight flicker of energy. He remembered seeing her last winter, although he couldn't remember why he did. After all, he'd liked Gan Ning then. Then he noticed the look on her face as she rambled on to him. It was the same look she used to give him after they used to...did that mean she still liked him?  
  
"Oh, right" Sun Ce nodded as he half-listened to Diao Chan's talk about her life.  
  
"Yeah, apparently..."  
  
Her voice then changed into a blur of words as Sun Ce ran things through his brain, occasionally saying small sentences like "yes, I agree" and nodding or shaking his head at appropriate times. Did she still like him? He hoped not. They'd broken up when he told her that he had to focus on his training and that it wouldn't leave time for their relationship. He cringed, realising that he hadn't progressed in that aspect since then and that he'd lied to her. As close as he felt to her he couldn't shake the feeling that he had never loved her. He sighed.  
  
'I think too much' he said to himself silently.  
  
"Um.... Would you like to see me dance?" She said quietly, suddenly finding her shoes amazingly interesting.  
  
"It's alright, I will have to go soon."  
  
"Oh..." She looked disappointed. "Well, I've got to talk to your father, I'll be sure to meet up with you again so we can chat."  
  
She smiled weakly before walking off. Sun Ce stood there for a few minutes, just observing the other people at the party. He watched as Zhou Yu went outside, shortly followed by Sun Shang Xiang.  
  
"Hmm, they're probably fucking" He remarked to no one in particular, smirking slightly.  
  
It was obvious to everyone that his sister was dying to be with Zhou Yu.  
  
His eyes then drifted over to the Qiao sisters. He still couldn't believe that they can fight so well in battle. He didn't know why but he just couldn't stand Xiao Qiao. He finds Da Qiao attractive though, but to him she is just not his type.  
  
Next to come into his field of vision were Zhou Tai and Taishi Chi. Zhou Tai looked quite drunk, and his face was fixed into a lopsided smile whilst being held up by Taishi Chi. It was so unlike Zhou Tai, to appear...happy. Sun Ce's face dropped slightly at this image before him. They seemed so content.  
  
The rest of the evening he spent sitting on a chair next to the drink table, refilling his cup until he lost count and things became blurry.  
  
'Oh fuck, I'm drunk' he thought as he tried to stand, his legs feeling weak under him.  
  
He stumbled forwards then steadied himself against the wall.  
  
'How much have I drunk?' he asked himself as he stared at the numerous empty bottles littering the table.  
  
He closed his eyes for a few minutes before deciding he had better go back to his room. He started towards the exit only to see Gan Ning standing against the wall, and he was not alone.  
  
"Who the hell is that?" He slurred, starring at the short black-haired girl talking to Gan Ning. It finally registered.  
  
"Pei Lin" He said slowly and bitterly, making the name sound like poison in his mouth.  
  
He watched for a few more moments then watched with a look of pain, hate and sadness combined. Pei Lin leant towards Gan Ning and kissed him slowly before releasing him.  
  
'What?! He broke up with Pei Lin months ago! Why did she kiss him?!' He screamed internally.  
  
He felt a wave of jealousy and hate wash over him. He'd loved Gan Ning for as long as he could remember and here was that...that hussy, kissing him, even though Gan Ning had broken up with her. The thought of them being an item had made him sick before and when they had split up he had been overjoyed. But now here she was, kissing the object of his affection right in front of his eyes. He slowly began to stagger towards them, his anger taking over him.  
  
"HEY!" He shouted, "What are you doing?!?!"  
  
Pei Lin turned to look at the drunken Sun Ce, a look of anger in his eyes that made her want to leave the room as quickly as possibly. Everyone within earshot of the shouting turned around, all eyes on Sun Ce, who was waving his arms frantically as he spoke, his words slurred.  
  
"Sun Ce? What the fuck are you doing?" asked a worried Gan Ning. He had seen Sun Ce angry but never like this.  
  
Sun Ce turned, facing Pei Lin and moving a step closer so he was within arm's reach of her.  
  
"Why the fuck are you kissing him?! You broke up soooooooo ago. Wha...what's up with that?"  
  
Pei Lin couldn't answer, her knees feeling weak.  
  
"Hey! Don't talk to her like that you asshole!" Said Gan Ning angrily as he stood between Pei Lin and Sun Ce.  
  
Sun Ce smirked, turning away slowly. Pei Lin exhaled slowly, relieved. Her relief was short-lived when Sun Ce turned to a table, throwing a tray of wine cups at the ground. Every set of eyes was on Sun Ce now; the mouths of the spectators open in shock.  
  
"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! You don't know the HALF of it!"  
  
'What the hell did he mean by that?' Gan Ning wondered.  
  
Gan Ning glared at Sun Ce.  
  
"Get the fuck out of here!" Gan Ning shouted, pushing the taller man back as he started to advance.  
  
"Right! Both of you OUT RIGHT NOW!" Said Sun Jian, entering their field of vision, followed closely by four hall guards.  
  
"But I...he..." Gan Ning protested as his arms were held on each side by a burly guard and he was dragged out of the room.  
  
'Of all the crazy things Sun Ce has done this is the worst, the jerk' he thought bitterly.  
  
Sun Ce looked bored, simply holding his arms out on either side of him, letting the guards hold onto him with their vice like grip. He didn't want to be here anymore, he just wanted to get away. 


	3. Feelings touched

Chapter Three - Feelings touched  
  
The two were placed unceremoniously outside their rooms.  
  
"Lord Sun Jian told us that you were to go back to your rooms and not to leave till further notice," said one of the guards.  
  
"And young Lord Sun Ce?" he looked to Sun Ce, who was dusting his arms after being held, "please go and sober up."  
  
"Whatever..." replied Sun Ce.  
  
The guards turned and left, leaving the two boys alone. Gan Ning glared at Sun Ce.  
  
"What the fuck were you doing?!?" He shouted, "I was chucked out of a party that was for me! What the fuck is that about?!"  
  
Sun Ce shrugged, looking up at Gan Ning from the ground where he'd had to sit after being refused the use of his legs by his body.  
  
"Are you jealous or something? Just because I was successful in defeating Lu Bu and you failed." Gan Ning continued vehemently.  
  
At this comment Sun Ce felt his blood boil. He suddenly could use his legs and stood up, pinning the smaller man against the wall.  
  
"Don't you ever think that I am jealous of you GAN NING. Not ever."  
  
His eyes were glinting with a hate that made Gan Ning freeze.  
  
'I'm not jealous of you, I'm jealous of that bitch' he thought, and then he suddenly realised how close he was to Gan Ning.  
  
Gan Ning watched as Sun Ce's look of anger melted and a different look replaced it, one Gan Ning had never seen before and one that worried him even more.  
  
Warm lips pressed to his and it took a moment to realise that Sun Ce was kissing him, his eyes closed and a look of calm on his face. A million different thoughts rushed through his brain at once and his brain went through with the first reaction it thought of.  
  
Sun Ce crumpled to the ground as Gan Ning's fist hit him hard in the stomach. The pain was immense but deep down Sun Ce felt a pain that wasn't physically inflicted upon him. It was the pain of rejection.  
  
Meanwhile Gan Ning was freaking out.  
  
"What the? Wha...huh? What the fuck did you do that for?!?" He asked frantically, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.  
  
Sun Ce looked up, his vision growing increasingly blurred. They both heard the footsteps approaching and turned as a familiar voice asked them both the same question.  
  
"What happened here?"  
  
"Um...nothing, Sun Quan" Gan Ning replied, his mind still trying to work out what exactly had happened.  
  
The events from the evening seemed unreal.  
  
Sun Ce didn't reply.  
  
"I was told to check up on you. You've both got to get to your rooms right now or I have orders for you to be punished to do non-stop training for the next 7 days. Father is not in a good mood because of you Sun Ce."  
  
Sun Ce stood up slowly and smirked half-heartedly as he touches his brother's shoulder.  
  
"Whatever you say," he replied, his voice little more than a whisper as he walked off towards his room.  
  
Gan Ning just stood frozen to the spot as Sun Ce left. His mind was trying to sort things through but it was difficult to understand.  
  
"Gan Ning?"  
  
Sun Quan's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.  
  
"Um, yeah?"  
  
"Sun Jian said that you could come back after you've cooled down, after all, it's your party."  
  
Gan Ning shook his head slowly. "Nah, I think I'll pass. I'm not really in the mood anymore. I think I'll turn in early."  
  
Gan Ning couldn't bear the thought of all the eyes on him as he re-entered the main hall, all the curious stares he would get.  
  
"Fine."  
  
Gan Ning went to leave.  
  
"And Gan Ning?"  
  
He turned back to face Sun Quan.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Congratulations." Sun Quan said, smiling softly.  
  
"Thank you." Gan Ning replied without hesitation, and then he left, thinking through the events of the evening before reaching the door of room and turning in for the night. 


	4. Painful recall

Chapter Four - Painful Recall  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
"I..I didn't mean to"  
  
"How dare you come to this territory?! A young boy like you aren't allowed in. What the hell are you doing in here?!"  
  
"I was...I..."  
  
"Shut up. Now you've found this secret place we're gonna have to make you pay."  
  
The older boy, accompanied by his friend, walked towards the small boy.  
  
"But I..."  
  
The boy shielded his face, prepared for a blow that would send him flying against the wall of a nearby hut.  
  
"Stop!"  
  
Sun Ce looked up.  
  
"Gan Ning...?"  
  
"You leave him alone or else!" He snarled at the two older boys.  
  
The boys looked at each other, a smirk on their faces.  
  
"Or else what, shrimp?"  
  
Gan Ning spoke with a deadly calm. "Or else I will punch your fucking heads in."  
  
The look of disbelief on their faces was surprising to Sun Ce; the fact that Gan Ning was even here was surprising.  
  
"Yeah right, if you wanna join your friend in getting beaten up then be our guest."  
  
The first boy moved forward to punch Gan Ning straight in the face but Gan Ning's arm moved up and he held the fist in his hand tightly.  
  
"I warned you." He said coldly.  
  
In one swift movement Gan Ning pulled the arm around. A loud click came from the damaged joint. The older boy screamed in pain, desperately trying to pull his injured arm away. After a long moment of struggling Gan Ning let go, leaving the older boy crying in pain.  
  
Sun Ce looked on, his face bearing a look of disbelief. Gan Ning, his Gan Ning, was saving him. Why?  
  
"Let's get out of here," said the older boy quickly to his friend and the two hastily left the area.  
  
Sun Ce was left alone with Gan Ning. There was a long pause before he spoke.  
  
"Why did you help me?"  
  
Gan Ning turned to face him.  
  
"Because I don't like seeing people being picked on. Though I was tempted to let you see how I feel..."  
  
Sun Ce's cheeks reddened in embarrassment. Gan Ning was referring to the way he treated him and it made him feel ashamed.  
  
"Well.... Thank you."  
  
Gan Ning looked surprised. 'The son of Sun Jian would utter such words from his mouth?' He hesitated then quickly replied, "You're welcome" and with that he turned and left the place.  
  
**************************  
  
Sun Ce awoke to find himself fully dressed, draped lazily over his bed. His last thoughts were of the older boys incident and Gan Ning leaving. Why had he dreamt about that incident? His head pounded which cut off any more thought on the subject. He didn't want to open his eyes but knew he would have to eventually.  
  
"How much did I drink last night?" He asked himself, his voice sounding low and alien to him.  
  
He looked outside, the sun has risen.  
  
"Oh fuck!"  
  
He stood up as quickly as he could, rushing as he tried to find his left boot, the only item of clothing he had managed to take off the following night. He was late for training with Sun Quan and the others, which, in basic terms, meant he was in a whole lot of shit.  
  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...." he chanted to himself while he combed his hair hastily, not bothering to change his clothes.  
  
He grabbed a small medical potion for headache, swallowed the liquid and ran groggily to class.  
  
************************  
  
"Nice of you to turn up, brother" said Sun Quan in a cold voice as he ran in through the door into a huge training hall.  
  
All eyes in the room were on him except one pair. Gan Ning's. He didn't want to look at Sun Ce. He was feeling confused about what had happened and above all very pissed off. He stood at the front of the room, in the middle of giving a talk about some strategy against Lu Bu.  
  
Sun Ce bowed slowly, "The pleasure's all mine, I'm sure."  
  
He quickly took his position, noticing the look of anger and curiosity of the people there that were thrown his way. He saw some girls look over to him and whisper amongst themselves. What exactly had he done last night?  
  
"I'd like to see you after training brother, and father would too." said Sun Quan once he took his position.  
  
Sun Ce shrugged, "Sure, whatever."  
  
"Right, now where was I? Please continue your speech General Gan Ning"  
  
"Just call me Gan Ning, please."  
  
He grinned at Sun Quan but his heart wasn't in it, he was still feeling numb inside.  
  
'Why would Sun Ce kiss me? Well, with the amount of wine he had in him I wouldn't be surprised if he kissed Zhou Yu, but he seemed almost...gentle.'  
  
That was the one thing that had puzzled Gan Ning the most, the gentleness of his kiss. He decided to block the thought out of his mind and he hastily continued with his speech.  
  
Sun Ce wasn't listening to the speech; he was just gazing up at Gan Ning. What had he done last night that had provoked such a reaction? He stared at Gan Ning as if his face was the key that could unlock the memories. His head was still throbbing and his hangover must have been evident since the girls training in front of him giggled as he rubbed his temples and closed his eyes. Suddenly a fragment of a memory washed over him.  
  
"Hey! What are you doing?!?!"  
  
Sun Ce closed his eyes. He could see Gan Ning in his mind's eye, standing in the main hall the previous night. A black haired girl was standing next to him. It was Pei Lin.  
  
"Sun Ce? What the fuck are you doing?"  
  
Sun Ce's mind then flashed an image of Gan Ning, being kissed by Pei Lin.  
  
"Oh god..." he whispered to himself  
  
"Why the fuck are you kissing him?! You broke up soooooooo ago. Wha...what's up with that?"  
  
Oh shit. He'd got drunk and unleashed his temper on Gan Ning's ex. The thought that nagged at his mind was that maybe she wasn't his ex anymore.  
  
He saw his hands reaching across the table, throwing cups of wine to the ground in one movement.  
  
"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! You don't know the HALF of it!"  
  
Sun Ce closed his eyes. So that was what had happened. He'd got wasted, seen them kissing and had decided to make an ass of himself in front of the entire Wu forces. He wanted to curl up and die.  
  
He decided that the only thing he could do now was to be his fake self again, pretending not to care. Still feeling groggy and unable to move his arms to practise with his weapons, he walked to the nearest chair and sat on it. He closed his eyes and placed his hands under his chin, holding up his aching head. He started to drift off to sleep but the next image that filled his mind soon changed that.  
  
"Don't you ever think that I am jealous of you GAN NING. Not ever."  
  
He remembered the feel of Gan Ning against him as he kissed him.  
  
"Oh no..."  
  
The memory that followed that was suddenly etched on his mind. The look of shock on Gan Ning's face and the feel of his ribs being bruised echoed painfully through his body.  
  
Sun Ce looked over to where Gan Ning was standing, mouth in motion as he talked on and on. His eyes gazed through the rows of soldiers and when they came to Sun Ce, Gan Ning quickly turned away, a small blush upon his cheeks which was only noticeable to a few. Sun Ce sat there till the lesson bell rang, his mind playing over the events from the previous night.  
  
'Why did I drink so frickin' much?' he thought bitterly, 'Now my chances of anything happening with Gan Ning are ruined and he thinks I'm a fucking freak.'  
  
He sighed, gathered up his weapon and walked to the door, ignoring the whispers and looks he got. 


	5. Father and son talk

Chapter Five - Father and Son Talk  
  
Sun Ce sat silently outside his father's room, already accustomed to the procedure. He'd go in, be yelled at, and then sent away with a punishment.  
  
"Sun Ce"  
  
"Yes?" he replied wearily, looking over to Sun Quan.  
  
"Father will see you now."  
  
He nodded and walked over to the large oak doors, pushing them open slowly. Sun Jian sat behind his huge wooden desk, pushing a huge piles of scrolls aside so he could look over at the young troublemaker he constantly had to speak to.  
  
"Please sit down my son"  
  
He walked over slowly, sitting down opposite his father.  
  
"Now, I've brought you here to ask about the incident last night. Care to explain your actions?"  
  
"I was drunk. I was not thinking things through clearly, father"  
  
Sun Jian glanced over at his son, a sceptical look on his face.  
  
"I am fully aware that you were drunk, Sun Ce, but what I want to know is why your anger was aimed at Gan Ning and Pei Lin."  
  
"As I said, father, I was not thinking straight. If it were anyone else I would have reacted the same."  
  
"Sun Ce, you are my son, I know you too well. Don't lie to me, you don't do it very well."  
  
'Better than you think' thought Sun Ce bitterly; the barrier around him was a lie. But how had Sun Jian known he was lying on this occasion?  
  
"Is it that you have a special feeling for Pei Lin?" he asked bluntly.  
  
Sun Ce's mouth fell open slightly and he almost couldn't hold back the laugh he was dying to let out. Him and Pei Lin? The idea was hilarious. Why would he want to be associated with that wimpy girl?  
  
Sun Ce's regular smirk grew a little bigger. "No father, I think I'd rather be eaten slowly by a tiger."  
  
Sun Jian raised an eyebrow. Why had his son lashed out at them then? He knew that it was probably partly due to Sun Ce's failure at defeating Lu Bu for the second time but there was no other explanation.  
  
"Well, whatever the reason I'm going to have to punish you anyway. You were drunk in front of everyone, you damaged property and you started a fight without valid reasons. These are three things that I cannot tolerate here. I'm going to excuse the fact you were late for training today due to your condition, and for that you should be grateful."  
  
Sun Jian looked at Sun Ce.  
  
"I might have to track your movements and the only activities you will be involved in are training in your own time and reading strategy books until I see you are not a danger to others..."  
  
After taking a quick look at the determined, yet rebellious young man before him he added "...or to yourself."  
  
Sun Ce shook his head slowly, his face looking bitter at the decision. It could've been worse, and he was secretly thankful that he hadn't been barred from seeing Gan Ning. He nodded and excused himself to leave with Sun Jian's permission.  
  
"Sun Ce?"  
  
"Yes father?"  
  
"Please don't do anything like that again, my son."  
  
Sun Ce felt odd about his old man's concern. Sun Jian has never spoken like that to him before. Sun Jian was so strict with his words every time they talked, but not a moment ago.  
  
"Yes father. I'll try not to." he smirked, showing that even though he'd been punished he'd still never listen.  
  
As the young man left the room Sun Jian sighed. Sun Ce had so much potential but had serious personality flaws that everyone in the Wu forces could see. He was arrogant and rebellious, and in a strange way Sun Jian admired him for that. He quickly took some scrolls then started working his way through the dozens of scrolls he had to look into for his next mission. 


	6. Close encounter

Chapter Six - Close Encounter  
  
"Hey Gan Ning, can I sit with you?"  
  
Gan Ning looked up to see Xiao Qiao's bright and cheerful looking face looking down at him as she held on two large meat buns. He was sitting under a tree to relaxed his mind while munching on a meat bun.  
  
"Sure, whatever" he mumbled.  
  
"Hey!" she pouted, "Cheer up, you're the vicious pirate GAN NING, it should be a small matter for you." She took a bite on the meat bun on her right hand.  
  
He smiled weakly.  
  
"I just haven't been feeling too good today."  
  
"Right...the whole Sun Ce thing huh? He sure is an asshole for doing that."  
  
"I know. I mean, what's the big idea? He said he wasn't even going to show up."  
  
"Well, if it's any consolation everyone thinks he's a huge jerk in that incident and aren't mad at you at all."  
  
He looked back down at his half eaten meat bun. Usually he could eat at least three but he just wasn't hungry.  
  
"Um, you wanna go and train? It might take your mind off anything that's bugging you."  
  
"Yeah" Gan Ning looked across to the lively girl, "It could help."  
  
They stood up and pack up their remaining food. After a short walk towards the training area in silence Xiao Qiao spoke again.  
  
"You know, Pei Lin isn't mad at you for turning her down."  
  
Gan Ning looked down at the floor. Last night Pei Lin had asked him if it was a mistake that they'd split up. This morning he'd spoken to Pei Lin again and had told her he couldn't get back together with her. He was too stressed out and didn't want to get her mixed up in it. She'd looked sad as she walked away and this news from Xiao Qiao was comforting and annoying. How did everyone in Wu know everything about his personal life?  
  
"She understands that your current position is a lot of work and all."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
"I heard what happened with Sun Jian. You have to go for intensive training for the next 49 days? That's pretty harsh considering you were just standing up for yourself."  
  
Gan Ning had also spoken to Sun Jian today after Sun Ce's appointment. Sun Jian had told him that he knew he was only defending himself but he had to punish him somehow for retaliating. After all, these actions are not tolerable in the Wu camp.  
  
After getting no response from Gan Ning she decided to give up. They finally reached the training area, a forest filled with wild animals. Xiao Qiao took out her weapon, a pair of beautiful but deadly large fans.  
  
"Come on, let's go to the waterfall area and spar!"  
  
Gan Ning half-heartedly tightened his chest armour, held on his blade and scanned the area.  
  
"All right, let's go."  
  
***********************  
  
After hours of trekking through the forest and sparring with Xiao Qiao, Gan Ning considered calling it a day. After all, she is very energetic and proved to be quite a bit of a challenge. The sparring was good to let out his tension though.  
  
"Look!" Xiao Qiao yelled.  
  
There was a loud rustling and in front of them a huge white tiger appeared.  
  
"Fuck! They're a lot bigger than I thought they'd be!" Xiao Qiao exclaimed as she waved her fans in the air in front of her.  
  
Gan Ning got into his fighting stance, ready to defend with his blade. Xiao Qiao was right; these tigers were bigger than he'd imagined them. He'd never fought one before but remembered Lu Xun saying that using a tiger amulet gives you a big advantage when facing a white tiger.  
  
He watched Xiao Qiao hit the large creature, causing it to become even more annoyed. It swayed its head to the side then turned to Gan Ning, advancing slowly.  
  
"Oh fuck..." was the last thing Gan Ning remembered saying before the creature turned quickly, its paw hitting him hard and throwing him several metres away.  
  
After a short moment of blackness he heard Xiao Qiao scream and he groggily got up to his feet. The small girl had been bitten in the leg and the blood was making a pool around her, spreading across the ground rapidly.  
  
"Oh fuck, oh god...help me Gan Ning...." she whispered, shock taking over.  
  
Gan Ning puts on a tiger amulet, an aura of strength illuminating from it to his body. He jumped swiftly and slashed the huge beast. It immediately closed its eyes. He was not known as a coward and wasn't going to quit. He watched as Xiao Qiao fell to her knees, holding her leg tightly.  
  
"Oh fuck, it hurts Gan Ning..."  
  
Gan Ning quickly rushed over.  
  
"It's okay, one moment."  
  
He patched some medicinal herbs on her, the fast healing herbs partially restoring the condition of her leg.  
  
"Are you all right now?"  
  
"I've been better, I don't think I can stand though," she said, trying to get up but falling back down miserably.  
  
Xiao Qiao was sat on the ground, exhausted from the fight and the loss of blood. Without a second thought Gan Ning walked over and picked the small girl up in his arms.  
  
"Gan Ning...I..."  
  
"Sssh. It's fine. I'm going to get you back to Da Qiao to help you, she will be able to heal the wound on your leg. Afterall, your sister is the best doctor in Wu's camp."  
  
Xiao Qiao smiled slightly then closed her eyes as the former pirate carried her out of the jungle.  
  
*************************  
  
Gan Ning didn't notice the full extent of his injuries until he arrived with Xiao Qiao. As he placed her down on the bed he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He had to steady himself against it.  
  
"Gan Ning? What's wrong?" asked Da Qiao, looking up from Xiao Qiao's leg for a brief moment.  
  
"It's...my chest."  
  
Da Qiao stood up and walked over to Gan Ning.  
  
"Take off your armour for a moment Gan Ning."  
  
He did as he was told and looked down. His chest was badly bruised. Da Qiao prodded his chest until Gan Ning winced.  
  
"Yep. I think you've bruised a few ribs. I'll give you a few potions to use at regular intervals, which should get rid of the pain and begin to repair your chest. I also recommend that you wear this padded vest. It will restrict your movement but stop you from causing further damage."  
  
Gan Ning looked over to the vest. It was brown and could easily fit under his armour, thank god. At least no one would see it. It was pretty ugly.  
  
"Thank you Da Qiao," he said as he slowly took off his armour, replacing it with the vest and pulling his a chest plate over it.  
  
He leaned over the bed to where Xiao Qiao was sleeping, tired out from their recent encounter with the white tiger.  
  
"How's her leg? It was bleeding pretty bad."  
  
"It'll be fine, she just needs to rest a while. She'll probably have a small scar or two though. If it wasn't for you putting those herbs on her she'd be dead by now. Thank you very much Gan Ning, you saved my sister's life."  
  
Gan Ning smiled weakly but shivered at that thought.  
  
"I was helping out a friend, I was doing what felt right."  
  
Da Qiao smiled. She remembered Gan Ning when he came to see her; always getting cuts and scrapes from being in fights.  
  
"You were very brave. If I were you I'd go back to your room and rest. I've not seen many people who have fought a white tiger and come back with injuries as small as these, or at all."  
  
Gan Ning smiled then winced, the pain in his chest filling his mind once again.  
  
"Will do, I don't think I can do much else anyway. Please take care of Xiao Qiao."  
  
Da Qiao nodded.  
  
He waved weakly then walked out of the room. His only thoughts on getting into his nice warm bed. 


	7. Confusion

Chapter Seven - Confusion  
  
Gan Ning opened the door to his room. He staggered inside and placed the bag full of potions on the table in front of him.  
  
"Damn that white tiger sure was a bitch to fight," he said quietly to himself.  
  
He opened one of the bottles slowly and drank it down, immediately feeling a little better.  
  
He sighed and noticed a note on the table. He began reading it while taking off his gloves.  
  
"To Gan Ning, this is Sun Ce..."  
  
'Sun Ce? Why the hell is Sun Ce writing me a note for?' he thought, while holding the note, sitting on the bed and pulling off his boots, flinging them onto the floor.  
  
"...I wanted to say this to your face but I couldn't find you...."  
  
Gan Ning raised an eyebrow. Sun Ce sounded...normal. Not the bitter, arrogant Sun Ce that he was used to, but one that sounded almost human, in this note that is.  
  
"...I wanted to apologise for what I did last night, I shouldn't have acted like that, not at your party. I have no excuses. I may have been drunk but I shouldn't have done that...."  
  
The way Sun Ce wrote the note sounded sincere. Gan Ning just sat there, put down the note on the bed and staring at it whilst taking off his chest plate. Was Sun Ce the 'asshole' actually apologising to him? He continued reading the note.  
  
"...I'm really sorry about... about everything..."  
  
Gan Ning's eyes opened a little wider as he read that sentence. He knew what Sun Ce was referring to when he had said 'everything.' He put a finger to his lips, almost feeling the soft brush of Sun Ce against him.  
  
"...Well, that's all really. See you around Gan Ning."  
  
The note ends there.  
  
Gan Ning was even more confused than he'd ever been. Sun Ce had called him Gan Ning. Sun Ce hadn't uttered his actual name properly for a very long time. He was referred to as 'Ning Boy' or 'shrimp' or 'shortass', and the way Sun Ce had said it sounded affectionate. His mind drifted back to the kiss. It was barely a kiss, their lips had touched only for a second, but it was enough to keep distracting Gan Ning from his regular line of thought. Sun Ce was so gentle, and his message had seemed so sincere. It almost scared Gan Ning. Had it meant nothing to Sun Ce after all?  
  
"Wait a minute" he mumbled to himself, "Does this mean that I wanted it to mean something?"  
  
The thought of him wanting Sun Ce made him panic.  
  
'I am not gay and even if I was I wouldn't want to have anything to do with that stupid prick' he thought, trying to convince himself, but deep down he knew there was a feeling that wouldn't go away. One that he'd pushed deep, deep down.  
  
"That white tiger must've hit me pretty hard to make me think I could even like Sun Ce" he joked to himself, pulling off his pants which left him wearing his black cloth underwear and the ugly padded vest.  
  
He sighed and lay down in his bed pulling the blankets over himself, preparing for a night of troubled dreams. 


	8. Staying the same way

Chapter Eight - Staying the same way  
  
It had been a week since she'd damaged her leg and now Xiao Qiao was back to her old self, just as bright and lively as she'd been before. As soon as she'd seen him after leaving the infirmary she had thanked Gan Ning a million times. She knew how lucky she was to face a white tiger and survived.  
  
True, she had a few marks on her leg made by the tiger's teeth, which would fade in time, but she was thankful just to be able to walk again. One of the marks was very dark and would probably leave a permanent scar, which would remind her of her ordeal and how lucky she'd been.  
  
There had been several missions throughout the time she'd been off to heal her injuries but she was assured that it wouldn't damage her reputation to be out of action.  
  
She exited the Wu's main library, turning to thank the librarian for saving her a copy of 'Survival Strategy in the Wild' as she left. She opened the book and flicked through, turning to the section explaining 'tiger attacks' and was so engrossed that she didn't notice the spiky haired boy running towards her, not looking where he was going.  
  
"Ow!" Gan Ning exclaimed as he crashed into the smaller girl, falling back on his ass.  
  
Xiao Qiao had dropped her book and was reaching to pick it up.  
  
"I'm so sorry Xiao Qiao, are you okay?"  
  
He quickly handed the book to her and helped her up.  
  
"I'm fine, I should've been looking where I was going. Oh, now that I've found you I can pass on the message I was given. Sun Ce wants to talk to you."  
  
Gan Ning's eyes widened as he heard the name of the person his mind had been filled with all week.  
  
"Um...did he say what he wanted?"  
  
"No. He just told me that you should go and find him before sunset. I think he said something about being outside by the lake, he was kinda in a hurry because he took off straight away."  
  
"How long ago did he tell you this?"  
  
Xiao Qiao shrugged "Not too long ago.?"  
  
Gan Ning looked up, it is almost sunset. He nodded and ran off back the way he came. Why did Sun Ce want to speak to him? His mind flicked through all the possibilities as he jogged towards his destination.  
  
***********************  
  
Sun Ce looked as the sun sets. He sighed. Why had Gan Ning not replied his note? He'd noticed Gan Ning's strange behaviour when he was around him, the way he'd look away and excuse himself from being near him. Sun Ce had eventually come to the decision that he should talk to him.  
  
Gan Ning too had noticed the other's behaviour over the last week. Sun Ce wasn't as loud as before and hadn't hunted Gan Ning down so he could pick on him like he usually did on a regular basis.  
  
As he approached the lake he saw who he was looking for. Sun Ce stood alone, his head moving slightly every so often to check if the shorter boy had arrived. Gan Ning had thought about Sun Ce a lot over the last week and now he had a strange feeling that he was beginning to harbour some kind of affection towards the arrogant man. He'd tried to push it to the back of his mind but he kept remembering the night of the party. He had even been distracted during his preparation for a mission yesterday at the thought of Sun Ce.  
  
Sun Ce's profile was breathtaking as the sunlight made his hair appear to be sunkist brown and his face had a glow that made his whole body radiate with energy. Today he is not wearing his usual battle clothes, but a gold and red silk robe. Gan Ning hated to admit it but he did find Sun Ce's appearance very pleasing to the eyes.  
  
He approached him slowly until he was roughly ten meters away.  
  
"Lord Sun Ce, you wanted to speak to me?" he yelled to Sun Ce, waving his arm to alert him of his presence.  
  
"Yeah. Come on over." Sun Ce replied as he dusted some invisible dirt from his shoulder.  
  
Sun Ce sat down on the ledge at the edge of the lake and beckoned for Gan Ning to join him. He couldn't help but notice Gan Ning's blush as he sat down.  
  
"So" Sun Ce began, "did you get my note?"  
  
Gan Ning paused for a brief moment before answering.  
  
"Yes...Yes I did."  
  
"Then why didn't you say anything? You could've replied."  
  
Gan Ning didn't know what to say.  
  
"I've....been real busy"  
  
"I bet you have Ning boy." Sun Ce smirked.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked angrily, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Rumour has it that you and Xiao Qiao are something of an item."  
  
Gan Ning raised an eyebrow. Where had Sun Ce heard that? It was true that he spent a lot of time with Xiao Qiao, especially after the white tiger attack incident, but people thought they were a couple?  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Are you denying it? People are saying that you've been at it like rabbits...I could be wrong though...But she does seem like a bit of a whore..."  
  
Gan Ning's hate for Sun Ce re-entered him. How had he thought he could like this jerk?  
  
"Shut the fuck up! Don't talk about her like that!" Gan Ning yelled as he pushed Sun Ce into the lake.  
  
The taller man looked up, his whole body drenched and his robe swaying around him as he sat there, leaning back on his arms.  
  
"Did I hit a nerve? I'm sorry for insulting your girlfriend." he snickered.  
  
Sun Ce continued to baffle Gan Ning. He was just thrown on his ass into the edge of the lake with people staring at him and he was still his arrogant, cocky self.  
  
"How could I have even thought that you'd changed!?" Gan Ning said angrily, more to himself than anyone else.  
  
And with that he stormed off, people moving out of his path, not wanting to get in his way while he was in such a bad mood.  
  
Sun Ce stood up slowly and stepped out of the lake, bowing to the audience he'd attracted, his boots squelching with each step as he walked back to his room. 


	9. Eye to Eye

Chapter Nine - Eye to eye  
  
"Why the hell did I do that?" Sun Ce asked himself as he sat at his desk in his room.  
  
He'd meant to apologise to Gan Ning and all he'd done was piss him off. He idly flicked through the strategy books, not reading a single word.  
  
"How could I have even thought that you'd changed!?"  
  
What did Gan Ning mean by that?  
  
"Great job Sun Ce, you've just kissed any chances with Gan Ning goodbye," he said sadly to himself.  
  
He stood up slowly and walked to his window. He had a great view and could see the whole lake from there. He'd spent the last few hours sitting in his room, trying to study the strategy books. He didn't know that not having to go for training could be so boring after all.  
  
The sun was going down and the sky was a warm orange with traces of pink. The setting sun made the view look like a watercolour painting, beautifully reflecting the dying rays on the lake's shiny water.  
  
Sun Ce sighed. Why had he acted like such a jerk? He hated being alone with his thoughts; it reminded him how much of a failure he was. He looked around his room and saw his Tonfa lying on his bed where he'd cleaned it earlier on. He picked it up and decided it was time to do some training.  
  
**********************  
  
The sun's last weak rays made the jungle became gloomy, almost haunting in appearance. This didn't occur to Gan Ning though, as he stomped along the dirt path. He'd been advised not to train on his own after the fight with the white tiger, even though his chest was healed, but this didn't stop him. He needed to get rid of the tension that was eating away at him and figured that a fight or two would do the trick. He'd already worked on his blade skills, rested and used a big oak tree as a punch bag. He still wasn't satisfied.  
  
He walked a little further until he saw a boulder, which rested against the wall. It seemed familiar somehow. He stepped a little closer and noticed a small cross that had been carved roughly into the rock. It suddenly hit him.  
  
"The secret area..."  
  
He hadn't been there since he was sixteen. He thought back and remembered the conflict with the older boys. It brought a smirk to his face as he remembered Sun Ce looking so small and helpless.  
  
He'd tried to figure out what Sun Ce was thinking all day but it hadn't got him anywhere. He had hated Sun Ce for what he'd said about Xiao Qiao. She was one of the few people he told his problems to and trusted them with. Everyone else saw him as a hyperactive fighter who was not to be messed with and who had a permanent grin, not her though. Xiao Qiao could tell when he was down and knew how to cheer him up. He hadn't told her about this though; he hadn't told her about his confusion regarding his sexuality or his feelings for Sun Ce.  
  
He placed his hand around the left-hand side of the huge rock and found a small gap behind the trees and bushes surrounding the boulder. He pushed the leaves out of the way and went through.  
  
The last thing he'd expected to see was leaning against a tree, looking off into the sky as the last light faded and the moon started to rise.  
  
"Sun Ce?"  
  
Sun Ce turned to face Gan Ning, surprised to see him. He'd quit training with his Tonfa and had returned to the secret area to think things through. He didn't expect the guy who was constantly on his mind to walk in.  
  
"That's my name." He replied quietly.  
  
Gan Ning was caught off guard by his almost friendly voice.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he asked as he walked over to join the taller man, stood beside him, looking at the moon rising.  
  
"Thinking...." Sun Ce replied slowly.  
  
'No witty sarcastic retort?' thought Gan Ning, 'What's with this guy?'  
  
"Oh...what about?" he asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing much..." He turned to face the former pirate, "I was thinking about how I was such a jerk earlier."  
  
"You what?!" asked Gan Ning, confused by Sun Ce's confession of being the thing everyone thought he was.  
  
"I was stupid. I meant to apologise but...I don't know, I didn't get around to it."  
  
Gan Ning took in a deep breath of the fresh night air and looked out at the sky, the moon climbing through the heavens as they spoke. The eldest son of Sun Jian was one big puzzle and he decided he was going to put the pieces together.  
  
He turned back to Sun Ce who was now also looking out into the darkness.  
  
"You know, I just don't get you Sun Ce. One minute you're making me feel two feet tall and the next you're calling yourself a jerk. I'd like to know what goes on in that head of yours." He said, tapping Sun Ce's temple with one finger as he finished.  
  
"I'd have to say the same about you Ning boy, but I'd have to check if there's anything in there first." he replied, knocking lightly on Gan Ning's head.  
  
His tone was not the mocking one Gan Ning was used to but a playful taunt, and he said the word 'Ning boy' as if it were an affectionate term of endearment towards him.  
  
"Hello? Anyone home?" he continued, "Ah well, you know brown-haired guys are like that..."  
  
"Hey! Just because I forgave you it doesn't mean you can insult my intelligence" Gan Ning replied, giving Sun Ce a soft punch on the shoulder, "Besides, you're brown-haired too."  
  
Sun Ce paused; he'd been caught out.  
  
"Ah, but how do you know this is my real colour huh?"  
  
"Well...I don't."  
  
"Well there you go then," he said, patting Gan Ning's head.  
  
"Urgh, I feel like I'm your pet or something. Quit patting me!"  
  
Sun Ce smirked.  
  
"What, would like to be my pet? Like to be stroked huh?"  
  
Gan Ning brushed his hand away.  
  
"No, quit it!"  
  
Sun Ce stopped and chuckled deep in his throat, turning back to the view. Gan Ning felt at ease with Sun Ce for some odd reason, and didn't mind his joking and the obvious innuendo. He looked over at him and smiled. His face was a thing of perfection. Gan Ning watched as the expression on his face changed to a look of deep thought.  
  
Sun Ce had two parts to his mind, his confident optimistic side that was rarely shown and his doubting pessimistic one. He was currently in conflict with these two sides.  
  
'This is too perfect, you have to say something' Sun Ce's positive side thought, 'If you don't you're going to regret it forever. Come on Sun Ce, what's the worst that can happen?'  
  
Sun Ce's negative side suddenly re-entered the picture, 'He could reject you and you could never look him in the face ever again.'  
  
Sun Ce sighed loudly, which caused Gan Ning to raise an eyebrow. What was troubling him?  
  
'Right, I'm going to do it. I've got to tell him.' Sun Ce thought to himself, his heart beating as he became nervous.  
  
"Gan Ning?"  
  
Sun Ce continued to look out over the view as he spoke.  
  
"Yes Sun Ce?"  
  
"Do you...."  
  
'Come on Sun Ce, get it together!'  
  
"...Do you like me?"  
  
Gan Ning was visibly surprised by the question.  
  
"Well, when you're not being a jerk and calling me dumbass names then I guess you..."  
  
Sun Ce turned suddenly, cutting off Gan Ning's sentence.  
  
"No...I meant..."  
  
He reached down and held Gan Ning's hands in his own.  
  
"Do you like me?"  
  
Sun Ce looked straight at Gan Ning, their faces mere inches away. Gan Ning's mouth was open a little as he realised what Sun Ce was asking him. Sun Ce's hazel eyes seemed to stare right through him, as if they could see into his soul.  
  
"I...."  
  
He looked away to where more stars had appeared, making the night sky light up.  
  
"...I don't know." he replied honestly.  
  
Sun Ce released Gan Ning from his hold and slowly lifted a his hand to Gan Ning's cheek and put the other to his waist. He leant forward and his lips touched Gan Ning's just for a moment. He pulled his head away, scanning Gan Ning's face for a reaction.  
  
Gan Ning's heart raced. This scenario was dream-like, being kissed by the guy that had made his life a living hell. Yet, through all the confusion of his thoughts, he knew he wanted him.  
  
Gan Ning looked up at him and leaned forward into another kiss.  
  
Sun Ce's lips were warm and pressed gently on Gan Ning's, seeming uncertain whether he would try to leave. A moment later Gan Ning's right hand reached round to the back of Sun Ce's neck, his fingers moving upwards, running them through his moonlight glowing brown hair as his other hand pulled Sun Ce's waist closer to his body reassuring him that he wasn't going anywhere.  
  
Sun Ce brought Gan Ning a little closer and Gan Ning didn't pull away as his tongue found it's way past Gan Ning's lips, exploring his mouth. Gan Ning moaned quietly and sucked gently on it before retaliating. He couldn't describe how right it felt to be doing this, the fact that Sun Ce was a man didn't change anything and the feelings he'd tried to deny were suddenly so right.  
  
Sun Ce moaned into Gan Ning's mouth as Gan Ning pulled their hips even closer, feeling that Gan Ning was getting as hard as he was. He couldn't believe that he'd waited so long to do this and cursed in his head for denying himself of this pleasure like no other, the feel of Gan Ning's body so close to his and the heat of his mouth as he kissed him ruthlessly.  
  
Gan Ning whimpered audibly as Sun Ce's hand found it's way to his backside, pulling him further into the embrace as he ground against him, the friction feeling delicious and sending little flickers of electricity through his body. This was a side of Sun Ce he hadn't seen before and he wanted to see a lot more of.  
  
Gan Ning eventually pulled his mouth away as he breathed in deeply. His mind had forgotten he needed to breathe as it was consumed by passion and the lack of oxygen had finally got to him.  
  
Sun Ce's hands rested on Gan Ning's waist as he too filled his lungs with air. His lips were kiss-bruised and his hair was slightly out of place. He had never looked more perfect in Gan Ning's eyes.  
  
"So" Sun Ce started, his voice low and unsure, "Do you know now?"  
  
Gan Ning tilted his head slightly, looking across every inch of Sun Ce's face, examining the man before him.  
  
"Yeah, I do like you Sun Ce. I like you when you're not being a jerk"  
  
He stuck out his tongue at the taller man, which brought a genuine smile to his face. Not one of his smirks but a real smile, one that a normal person would have. It suddenly occurred to Gan Ning that he'd never looked at Sun Ce like a normal person before.  
  
"That's good because..." he leaned closer to Gan Ning and whispered in his ear, ".I kinda like you too."  
  
Gan Ning smiled at Sun Ce's mock innocence before realizing that the forest is in complete silence, all creatures already asleep.  
  
"Oh shit, its midnight and I have a mission tomorrow." Gan Ning said, regretfully pulling away from Sun Ce's arms.  
  
Sun Ce sighed.  
  
"I had better let you go then. After all, I don't want my father kicking my ass for making out with an officer in a forest."  
  
Gan Ning chuckled softly then paused, thinking for a moment. He started to make for the exit.  
  
"You're not walking back with me?"  
  
"I think I'll stay here for a bit." Sun Ce replied quietly.  
  
"Okay, see ya."  
  
"I'll see you around.... princess." Sun Ce replied.  
  
Gan Ning rolled his eyes. Even after making out with the guy he still had to do it. How could he have imagined Sun Ce would be beyond the name- calling?  
  
"Sure, sure...goodnight." He answered, pushing the branches out of the way before he ran back to the Wu residential and out of Sun Ce's view.  
  
Sun Ce looked out at the night sky and smiled. It had never looked so beautiful. 


	10. The first time

Chapter Ten - The first time  
  
Gan Ning was in the front line team. Gan Ning's squad had been given orders to ambush the terrorists as they exited the Hu Luo Gate. Three Wu scholars were being held hostage at the Gate and Gan Ning's job was to distract their attention away from the hostages and to kill as many as he could in the process. There were five others in Gan Ning's squad, including the Two Qiaos.  
  
Zhou Yu, of course, was leader of the attacking team.  
  
"Alright, we've got to go through with the plan exactly since there is human life at risk here..."  
  
'That's funny,' thought Gan Ning, 'I thought we were trained to kill. Fancy that...'  
  
"...My team will be waiting until we get the signal from the front line team who will enter the building through the hills at the side. When the attack starts we'll travel up to the main room at the gate and release the hostages. Once they are secured we'll meet up with the front line team and then...."  
  
Gan Ning's mind wasn't registering the information. His mind kept showing him images of Sun Ce's face so close to him and the feel of his strong arms around his waist. He was shocked at Sun Ce's confession to him, but also pleased. As he'd woken up he'd spent fifteen minutes in front of the mirror staring at his reflection before admitting to himself how he felt.  
  
"Gan Ning! Are you listening?" Asked an annoyed Xiao Qiao.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, we attack, they get hostages, I get it. I did read the mission review you know."  
  
"Right," interrupted Zhou Yu, "let's go."  
  
**********************  
  
When they arrived back at the Garden Gan Ning's body ached all over. They'd completed the mission without too much trouble but he'd been beaten by some of the larger terrorists and was left him with a few aches and pains from their attacks.  
  
"Could've been worse, I could've died or something..." Gan Ning mumbled as he walked away from the others.  
  
Suddenly he felt his heart lift.  
  
"Well hey there Ning boy. Where do you think you're going?"  
  
He turned to see Sun Ce standing by the fountain, leaning against a statue fish that was spilling water from its mouth.  
  
Gan Ning's face lit up. This was the first time he'd seen him since the secret area incident three days ago. He ignored the name-calling and walked briskly over to Sun Ce.  
  
"I was actually thinking of going to take a shower. The mission really took it out of me today."  
  
"I see. Say, you busy later?"  
  
"..No...I don't think so. Why?" he replied, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"It just occurred to me that I've never spoken to you much, I figured we could maybe get something to eat."  
  
Gan Ning's eyebrow lifted a little higher. Was Sun Cereally serious? He hadn't expected Sun Ce to do anything about how they felt, seeing how his pride always seemed to get in the way of everything.  
  
"Um, sure. You could come by my room later...if you like." he suggested, crouching down to adjust his boots.  
  
"Yeah, I might do that." Sun Ce replied, touching Gan Ning on the shoulder as he started to walk away, "See ya."  
  
Gan Ning touched his own shoulder, goose bumps forming on his skin from Sun Ce's touch. He sighed and stood up, walked to his room.  
  
*********************  
  
Gan Ning was resting on his bed when he heard a knock at the door.  
  
He stood up and walked to the door, finding a certain arrogant man leaning against the wall.  
  
"Are you busy?"  
  
Gan Ning blinked, looking over the man in front of him.  
  
"Um...no. Come in."  
  
They both went inside, Sun Ce closing the door behind him.  
  
"God! This place is huge." Sun Ce exclaimed as he walked around Gan Ning's quarters.  
  
"I know, it kicks ass. I've got my own kitchen outside and a huge seating area over there."  
  
"Damn it, now I've got a good reason to try hard at missions and please my father..." Sun Ce joked, opening the cupboards in the kitchen.  
  
"Whatcha doin'?" Gan Ning asked, eyeing Sun Ce cautiously.  
  
"I thought I'd cook you something. You hungry?"  
  
"Um yeah...I never knew Lord Sun Ce could cook." Gan Ning replied  
  
"There are a few things you don't know about Lord Sun Ce, General Gan Ning." Sun Ce replied.  
  
After a pause Gan Ning asked, "I've kinda got to go and have a bath. Do you mind?"  
  
"Not at all."  
  
Gan Ning just stood there, watching as Sun Ce systematically looked through the cupboards. Sun Ce turned around and looked at the spiky haired boy before him, watching him.  
  
"Now go and take that bath before I drag you in there."  
  
"That could be interesting..." Gan Ning mused, grinning at Sun Ce before turning towards the bathroom.  
  
Sun Ce had spent the whole day preparing for this evening, telling himself to let the real him show through. So far it was working; he wasn't putting on any act and he felt very comfortable. He wanted everything to go perfectly since he was still not exactly sure how Gan Ning felt about him. He still couldn't believe that Gan Ning had let him in here and the thought of what they had done in the forest made his mind run through other possibilities of what he could do with the small muscular spiky haired boy.  
  
He removed his armor and gloves and placed them on a chair as he continued to look through the cupboards for something to cook. He finally got the ingredients together to make a simple stir-fry and placed them on the chopping board. He had to admit that Gan Ning's quarters were amazingly tidy, not at all like he'd imagined them.  
  
"I didn't know you were a neat freak," he mumbled to himself.  
  
His mind strayed a little as he wondered what the bedroom was like. He walked through the living room and entered.  
  
The room was amazing. The rugs were blood red, complimenting the black and white Chinese wall hangings perfectly. The feature that caught his attention was the bed. It had a dark mahogany wood frame and was big enough to sleep four people happily. The sheets were black velvet with a red hem, embroidered with a golden dragon at the top. The thought of Gan Ning caught up in those black sheets caused a shiver to work it's way up his spine.  
  
"So this is where you've been. I thought you'd left."  
  
Sun Ce turned to see the sight that would be etched on his mind forever.  
  
Gan Ning stood in the doorway, his brown hair no longer spiky but dripping onto his shoulders, and he was only wearing a small white cloth towel that was wrapped loosely around his waist. His chest was muscular in all the right places and Sun Ce thought it was a crime that he wore clothings at all. Gan Ning noticed Sun Ce's wide-eyed expression.  
  
"So, where's the food?" he asked, acting as if walking around his old archrival near enough naked was a natural occurrence.  
  
"Forget that..." Said Sun Ce, finding his voice at last.  
  
He pulled the semi-naked boy to his chest and leant down into a kiss. Gan Ning had anticipated the move, wrapping his arms around Sun Ce's neck. This time he took the initiative, nipping Sun Ce's lower lip then running his tongue over it before entering Sun Ce's mouth. Their tongues slicked across each other, causing the two men to moan quietly. Sun Ce was the one who pulled away.  
  
"You have no idea of what I'd like to do to you right now," he said, his eyes running all over Gan Ning's body.  
  
"I can imagine" Gan Ning replied, grinding against Sun Ce, making the older boy whimper.  
  
Sun Ce looked down, eyeing the not-so-discreet bulge that had appeared in the towel, and grinned.  
  
Sun Ce positioned Gan Ning with his back on the table and began to kiss his neck, getting small moans in response. Gan Ning's skin tasted like fresh mint from his recent bath with mint leaves, but his natural scent came through, a delicious citrus aroma that made Sun Ce want more. His lips began to move down to Gan Ning's chest, a small sensation that made Gan Ning's whole body tingle. As his lips reached his left nipple he started to untie the knot Gan Ning had made.  
  
"What are you...?"  
  
Gan Ning's question was cut off short as the towel fell to the floor. Sun Ce looked at the hardened length in front of him and grinned.  
  
"...Nice Gan Ning, very nice."  
  
Gan Ning looked down at Sun Ce, staring in total disbelief as he lowered himself onto his knees. Sun Ce knew this movement could freak Gan Ning out but he didn't care, all he'd wanted for the last four years was right in front of him, completely naked.  
  
The feel of Sun Ce's hand at the base of Gan Ning's sex sent a warm feeling throughout his lower body, and when Sun Ce ran his tongue over the tip he leant his head back, hissing slightly, face to the ceiling with his eyes closed.  
  
Sun Ce looked up then carried on his ministrations, running his tongue along the underside of Gan Ning's shaft, causing Gan Ning to draw in a sharp breath. A loud moan escaped him as Sun Ce took the head in his mouth and started to suck slowly.  
  
"God.....Sun Ce...oh god...."  
  
He held Sun Ce's hair in a death grip, making the older boy pull away.  
  
"You want me to stop?"  
  
"No!" Gan Ning replied, gasping slightly.  
  
Sun Ce grinned then went back to work. Gan Ning's legs were becoming weak. If there was one thing he'd never expected it was getting a that from Sun Ce. He didn't care that it was Sun Ce who was doing this to him, it just felt so right...so good...His nerves blazed.  
  
Bit by bit Sun Ce began to ease as much of Gan Ning's length into his mouth until he couldn't anymore. He started to suck hard, his tongue occasionally flickering along his shaft.  
  
"Oh fuck...oh...unh....."  
  
Gan Ning's voice was not much more than a whisper as he took in shallow breaths. He supported himself on the desk with his arms, his body feeling as if it would collapse at any second. Sun Ce was also supporting his waist with his arms.  
  
He gazed down at Sun Ce to see his eyes closed, a look of concentration on his face as he sucked noisily.  
  
"Uh....Unh...that's good...oh god...."  
  
Gan Ning's moans grew louder as he thrust into Sun Ce's mouth, the burning heat of it producing pleasure he'd never even dreamed of. He was bordering on climax now. He brought his left hand around to run through Sun Ce's hair, encouraging him to keep going.  
  
Sun Ce knew that Gan Ning wanted release and was gladly going to give it to him.  
  
Sun Ce's right hand found it's way to Gan Ning's balls and he cupped them in his palm, running his thumb over them slowly whilst his tongue found it's way over every aching inch of Gan Ning's hard sex.  
  
The feeling was too much for Gan Ning and he came helplessly, a strangled cry erupting from his mouth as he thrust one last time into Sun Ce's mouth. Sun Ce supported him as he swallowed it down, lapping up every last drop.  
  
Gan Ning just stood there, still leaning on the table as he stared at the ceiling while he caught his breath.  
  
"...Oh....MY GOD..."  
  
Sun Ce stood up slowly, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.  
  
"So you've learnt my name already?" he joked, kissing Gan Ning on the nose, "Do you want to eat now?"  
  
"...Oh god...."  
  
Sun Ce chuckled and left the room, heading for the kitchen. He arrived back two minutes later to find Gan Ning in the same position he had been in when he'd left, looking up to the ceiling.  
  
"Gan Ning, don't tell me you've never been given head before."  
  
Gan Ning looked at Sun Ce, his breath still a little uneven.  
  
"Never like that!" he exclaimed, picking up his towel from the ground and wrapping it back around his waist.  
  
"Good huh?" Sun Ce grinned.  
  
Gan Ning nodded weakly. He still couldn't believe what Sun Ce had done. He'd been through the same experience once before with a certain girl called Pei Lin, but it was nothing compared to this. There was a pause and Gan Ning realised he was hungry.  
  
"So where's this food you promised me?" he asked, completely changing the subject.  
  
"I gave up on the stir-fry idea. I didn't think I could concentrate knowing that you are in here wearing only a towel..." he purred, wrapping his arms around Gan Ning's waist.  
  
"So what are we going to eat?"  
  
"I am steaming some dumplings so we can eat it afterwards."  
  
"After what?" Gan Ning asked, truly stumped.  
  
Sun Ce's face broke into a lopsided grin.  
  
"I was wrong about you. You are just a pretty face with no brain after all," he teased, "You can be really dense sometimes..." he finished as he nipped at Gan Ning's neck.  
  
"Oh!.... that sounds good..." Gan Ning replied, catching on quickly.  
  
Before he knew it Sun Cehad picked him up and had laid him down on the bed. He was suddenly aware that he was only wearing a towel. Sun Ce's eyes glinted and Gan Ning could see him looking over every single bit of his body.  
  
"Do you know how long I've wanted to get you like this?" he asked, his lust taking over as he crawled across the bed till he was hovering over Gan Ning.  
  
Gan Ning shrugged, aware of Sun Ce's hands roaming over his chest, feeling the tanned skin under his hands.  
  
Sun Ce leaned down so his mouth was level with Gan Ning's ear.  
  
"Long enough..." he whispered, flicking out his tongue and leaving a wet trail from Gan Ning's temple to his neck.  
  
Gan Ning watched as Sun Ce slowly took off his robe, his finely toned chest becoming visible. Sun Ce's mouth covered his lips and a hot tongue invaded his mouth. Gan Ning responded by pulling Sun Ce onto him, a few thin layers of fabric the only barrier between their bodies. Sun Ce sat up and started to take off his own sash belt. A hand reached up suddenly.  
  
"Don't...please..."  
  
Sun Ce looked down at Gan Ning, his eyes showing worry. Sun Ce began to tied his belt, moving off Gan Ning and sitting next to him. He ran his fingers through Gan Ning's hair softly.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Gan Ning turned his head away slightly.  
  
"I thought things were going too fast."  
  
"Oh..." Sun Ce replied.  
  
He could understand Gan Ning's point, after all, they'd realised their feelings for each other a few days ago and he had already gone down on him. Sun Ce ran his tongue around his mouth, the aftertaste of Gan Ning still there. He smiled to himself.  
  
'Oh god, what if I've scared him off....' Sun Ce suddenly panicked.  
  
He didn't want to ruin how things were going. His lust had taken over him and he just wanted to feel every bit of Gan Ning's body. He quickly put his feelings back in line.  
  
Gan Ning turned his head to face Sun Ce, a look of panic in his eyes.  
  
"You're not mad are you?"  
  
"Of course not, I was being hasty and I understand. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. Besides, you wouldn't want to give it all up on the first date would you?" he asked, winking at Gan Ning.  
  
Sun Ce stood up and put his robe back on.  
  
"Would you like me to go?" he asked quickly, looking around for his shoes, which had gone missing somehow.  
  
"No, please stay." Gan Ning replied, grabbing onto his arm.  
  
'Why am I being so needy all of a sudden?' he wondered.  
  
Sun Ce smiled and sat back down on the bed, positioning himself so Gan Ning was sat in front of him as he massaged his aching shoulders.  
  
"Mmmm...that's good." Gan Ning murmured, moving his back into the gentle hands.  
  
After several minutes Gan Ning spoke again.  
  
"I really don't get you, where did the Sun Ce I'm used to go?"  
  
Sun Ce's hands moved to Gan Ning's lower back, kneading the muscles.  
  
"The Sun Ce you're used to is a jerk..."  
  
'You deserve more than that...' he thought bitterly, kissing the nape of Gan Ning's neck lightly, causing the former pirate to shiver.  
  
"I mean, would you like to explain what's with the change of mood?"  
  
"It....it's too complicated" he sighed, stopping his moving hands momentarily.  
  
"I'm sure I'd understand. I'd like to know." Gan Ning replied.  
  
Sun Ce took in a deep breath, "I've felt alone ever since my father put me on the battlefield, everyone has to respect me because I am Sun Jian's son, leaving me with not many friends with the exception of Zhou Yu....I guess the only way I've coped is by hiding who I am..."  
  
This was one of the hardest things he had ever said and couldn't even admit it fully to himself but it was so easy to tell Gan Ning this information.  
  
Gan Ning turned to face him.  
  
"So, who are you?"  
  
Sun Ce sighed and looked at nothing in particular.  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
Gan Ning saw the look of sadness in Sun Ce's eyes and wrapped his arms around the taller man, bringing him close to him. He couldn't bear to see Sun Ce look so sad and confused. It was un-natural.  
  
Sun Ce rest his head in the crook of Gan Ning's neck as the other brown haired boy stroked his back reassuringly.  
  
"Maybe we could find out together?" Gan Ning asked quietly into Sun Ce's ear.  
  
"I'd like that." he replied, kissing Gan Ning's cheek as he lifted his head.  
  
Gan Ning yawned, finally noticing how much the mission had exhausted him.  
  
"I'm kinda tired"  
  
"Oh...would you like me to go now then?" Sun Ce asked, not sounding the least bit like he wanted to.  
  
"You could...stay over if you wanted," he smiled, "It can be like a sleepover after strategy discussions or something."  
  
Sun Ce smiled at Gan Ning, "Sure, let me just go get my robe for sleeping" he joked.  
  
Gan Ning stood up slowly, a shocked expression on his face.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I've just realised what I'm wearing!" Gan Ning exclaimed, looking down at the towel.  
  
"Or rather what you're not wearing" Sun Ce grinned wickedly.  
  
Gan Ning rolled his eyes and walked over to a cupboard, pulling out a small drawer from inside and rummaging through, producing a pair of black cloth underwear.  
  
"Huh, I always figured you'd be a white cloth underwear kinda guy" Sun Ce mused, watching as Gan Ning slipped them on.  
  
Gan Ning picked up his black and red robe, wrapped it around himself and walked to Sun Ce.  
  
"Shall we check if the dumplings are done?"  
  
"No" Gan Ning yawned, "I really don't think I can stay standing much longer after the way I got beaten up today."  
  
"Fine, I'll take it off the charcoal stove. I don't want it burning down your kitchen while we sleep."  
  
Sun Ce exited the room and returned to see Gan Ning wrapped up in the sheets, his eyes closed. He smiled as he stripped down to his white cloth underwear and joined Gan Ning in the bed. Gan Ning reached over to Sun Ce and pulled his arm around himself so Sun Ce was holding him. Sun Ce sighed happily as a quiet snore, more like a purr, came from the former pirate. He closed his eyes and drifted away, feeling a great weight lifting from his mind. 


	11. Confession

Chapter Eleven - Confession  
  
Sun Ce sat facing the front of the room where Lu Meng was giving a talk on defensive strategies, basic stuff for him after relearning this information year after year. He was made to sit down there and listen to Lu Meng by his father as part of his punishment for what happened. His mind was not on Lu Meng though, but on the spiky-haired boy he'd been with for just over a month. Their relationship was running smoothly, although Gan Ning didn't want to tell anyone yet. Not that Sun Ce objected. He didn't want to say anything either.  
  
There was only one flaw to the otherwise perfect relationship. Whenever they started to get a little serious Gan Ning would shy away, leaving Sun Ce frustrated. He wouldn't pressure Gan Ning though, he wouldn't be that stupid. He stopped when he was asked and would often end up just holding him as they lay in bed together. He often watched Gan Ning as he slept, the peaceful look on his face bringing calm to Sun Ce's troubled soul. He looked so cute when he was asleep, his unruly hair falling in strands across his face. Sun Ce often brushed them away and traced the tattoos on his arms, a habit he'd developed.  
  
"That will be the end of this talk" Lu Meng announced.  
  
As Sun Ce passed the door Lu Meng held onto his arm.  
  
"Could I speak to you for a moment please Lord Sun Ce?"  
  
Sun Ce followed him back into the room. No one else was there.  
  
"What have I done this time?" he asked, sounding bored.  
  
"Nothing. I just wanted to say that we've noticed your change of attitude. You've been getting good at your strategy assessments and I wanted to tell you to keep it up."  
  
It was true. Sun Ces attitude had changed. The cause? Gan Ning. The ability to open up to him had left Sun Ce's mask cracked in places, letting him show through bit by bit. He was never praised like this before.  
  
"I'll see what I can do" he replied, a smug grin finding it's way across his face.  
  
**************************  
  
"I" kick "wont" *swings sword* "give" *swings sword* "up" *swings sword* kick kick.  
  
Gan Ning swings his sword across Lu Xun's body as an opening appeared in his defence.  
  
Lu Xun fell to the ground, gripping the swords in his hands. He got to his knees and swung the swords upwards, making a thin slice through Gan Ning's protective cloth armor into his arm.  
  
"God! I like, just got this armor" he whined, putting his other hand to the armor sleeve which was turning a dark shade of red.  
  
"Sorry Gan Ning..." Lu Xun replied, bringing his swords around again, Gan Ning ducking away at the last moment.  
  
"....Time up you guys. Good training session." announced Lu Meng.  
  
Lu Xun stood up slowly.  
  
"Are you alright Gan Ning?"  
  
"Yeah, nothing a medicinal herb won't fix up."  
  
"Good. You threw some pretty good kicks and sword technique."  
  
"Thanks man" Gan Ning replied, a little taken back by the compliment. He hardly get any compliments from the young Wu strategist.  
  
He quickly walked over and sat down on a wooden bench, still holding his bleeding arm. Two soldiers stepped into the fighting arena. Gan Ning watched as Lu Meng signalled for the fight to start, the two fighters coming to life at once. It was a special training day for the upcoming mission and Gan Ning had already been in three fights, his body in need of a well-earned rest.  
  
"Hey Gan Ning! I saw you just now, you were great!"  
  
Gan Ning turned to where the bouncy Xiao Qiao had sat next to him, her eyes bright with happiness.  
  
"Thanks, I saw you fighting earlier, you weren't too bad yourself." he replied with a playful wink.  
  
She blushed and noticed Gan Ning's crimson stained cloth armor.  
  
"Whew! That must've hurt. Let me fix you up." She said, took out a small herbal patch and patched it on his arm. "Physical training blows sometimes."  
  
"Right, tell me about it." Gan Ning replied, blowing a strand of hair from his face.  
  
"Um...would you like to go get some lunch? You look like you could use a break." She asked after a moment.  
  
"Sure, I need some energy. Let's check when our next fights are."  
  
They walked over to Lu Meng and Xiao Qiao tugged at his arm to catch his attention.  
  
"What d'ya want Xiao Qiao?" he asked bluntly, never let his eyes focused on other things except for the fight between the two fighting soldiers.  
  
"Can we see the list please?"  
  
He handed her the list without saying a word. Xiao Qiao scanned through the names and times, at last finding the ones she sought.  
  
"Hey! We're up against each other this evening. That should be interesting, I've never fought you before." She said, eyeing Gan Ning's muscular frame, "Go easy on me."  
  
"Anything for a lady like you," he winked, "But now we've got a short break so let's go get some food and get my arm fixed up, it's stopped bleeding but it's stinging like crazy."  
  
Xiao Qiao handed the list back to Lu Meng, receiving a grunt of acknowledgement, then walked back to the bench to pick up her fans before leaving the training area, Gan Ning at her side.  
  
**************************  
  
"Nice room you've got Gan Ning, I never imagined you to be a so...neat." Xiao Qiao commented as she ran her hands along the dark red drapes that hung from the ceiling to the floor either side of the large full length windows.  
  
Gan Ning smiled, remembering a similar comment made by Sun Ce.  
  
"Well, aren't I just full of surprises?" he replied, pulling his blood- stained armor over his head and looking at the slice in his arm. He had been battered about a lot today but this was the only injury that could be the cause of any worry.  
  
Xiao Qiao admired his muscled torso, her mind wandering.  
  
"Xiao?"  
  
Gan Ning's voice brought her out of her thoughts.  
  
"Yeah, I'm still here. Let me put a new medicine for you. Da Qiao made it for cases like your's"  
  
She dripped some green liquid from a bottle to his arm, sending a warm sensation through Gan Ning's arm.  
  
"Thank you." he said gratefully, touching lightly Xiao Qiao on the cheek before turning to the bathroom, "I'm just going to wash up then put on my old armor," he informed her, and after seeing her hand stained with some of his blood he added "you might wanna clean up too."  
  
**************************  
  
Gan Ning and Xiao Qiao grabbed some dim sum cooked in the main camp's kitchen and sat at a table.  
  
"...And I was like, woah! You can't do that with a spear!"  
  
Gan Ning laughed at Xiao Qiao's story. It was weird; Xiao Qiao had become his best friend ever since the white tiger incident. They were on the same wavelength, always happy and joking about. It was nice to have someone to relate to.  
  
They carried on chatting, eating their dim sum. Finally there was a pause in the conversation. Xiao Qiao took this as her opportunity.  
  
"Gan Ning?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Uh, are you like um, dating anyone?" she asked shyly, aware of the blush spreading across her cheeks.  
  
Gan Ning looked up from his food, a calm but puzzled look on his face.  
  
"You like me?"  
  
She looked down at her hands, inspecting her nail varnish. The blush on her face darkened a little.  
  
"Yeah, kinda."  
  
Gan Ning bit his lip, then put his hand under her chin, lifting her face so she was looking at him.  
  
"I'm really flattered that you like me," he remarked truthfully, "but I'm sort of...seeing someone."  
  
Xiao Qiao shrugged, trying to hide her disappointment.  
  
"Figures, all the good guys are taken!" she whined falsely.  
  
Gan Ning smiled. "Hey! I am not THAT good. I was a pirate after all" he replied. Her mood was visibly far less happy than she'd been before but she still smiled and her eyes grew a little brighter.  
  
Inside she felt close to tears. Her stomach tying in a knot.  
  
"So, who's the lucky girl?" she asked, pretending not to care.  
  
It was Gan Ning's turn to blush. Xiao Qiao noticed his cheeks darken as he looked away.  
  
"Aw come on. Tell me, I can keep a secret."  
  
He ran his options through in his mind. He could trust Xiao Qiao; she was one of the few people he did trust. He took a deep breath and began to speak.  
  
"Well...It's not..."  
  
"Come on! Tell me." she begged.  
  
She needed to know.  
  
"...It's not a girl." he confessed, his eyes fixed on the table.  
  
Xiao Qiao's eyes widened, a confused looked of surprise on her face.  
  
"You're...gay?"  
  
Gan Ning looked up quickly, the blush still visible on his cheeks. His heart was beating fast. What if she didn't like him anymore? What if she rejected his friendship?  
  
"No...Not exactly."  
  
"You're bi?"  
  
"Well, yeah." Gan Ning admitted, looking at her face for a reaction, disgust, loathing, happiness...anything.  
  
Her face turned into a curious smile.  
  
"I never would have guessed. You seem so...straight."  
  
Somehow she didn't seem so threatened by this news. It was odd thinking about Gan Ning with this new information in her mind. She giggled and Gan Ning breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"I told you I was full of surprises." He replied, a smile starting to form on his face.  
  
It was the best feeling, revealing how he felt. He had a newfound confidence and he felt like screaming it out to everyone. But he didn't.  
  
"So, let me rephrase," Xiao Qiao began again, her mood lifting a little.  
  
If it had been another girl Gan Ning had chosen her she would've been more upset. She didn't know why.  
  
"Who is the lucky guy?"  
  
Gan Ning leant his chin on his hands, his elbows resting on the table. The next words he uttered would some of the hardest he'd ever have to say.  
  
"It's.... It's Lord Sun Ce," he said quietly.  
  
"What?!?" Xiao Qiao shrieked as she jumped out of her seat, her jaw almost hitting the floor.  
  
Sun Ce?! Sun Ce the arrogant son of Sun Jian that made everyone's lives miserable?  
  
The few people at the surrounding tables turned around at the sudden outburst. Gan Ning looked down at the table, the blush returning darker than ever to his face. Xiao Qiao sat back down, her mouth still open.  
  
"Are you kidding? You and Sun Ce?" she asked in a tone of disbelief.  
  
Gan Ning looked up at her, a warm look on his face.  
  
"Yeah...me and Sun Ce."  
  
"Woah! This is hard to get my head around you know? I mean, Lord Sun Ce? Really? For how long?"  
  
Gan Ning could hear the fascination in her voice; it was still blended with shock.  
  
"Just over a month now."  
  
"Wow! So Sun Ce's gay? Who would've thought" she mused, "So that's why he hasn't warmed up to my girlish charms."  
  
When she thought about it they had seemed a lot friendlier towards each other, not arguing so much, but they were complete opposites. Sun Ce was tall and solemn unless he was pissing someone off and Gan Ning was shorter and hyper, laughing at nearly everything.  
  
"Yeah, Sun Ce's as bent as they come." Gan Ning said, the words barely leaving his lips when he suddenly burst out laughing. If Sun Ce hadn't kissed him in the secret area that night he wouldn't have believed that sentence for one second. He just didn't seem...gay.  
  
When he finished laughing after receiving odd looks from his peers at the tables nearby, he turned his attention back to Xiao Qiao.  
  
"I'm really sorry about, you know. I'm already taken."  
  
"Yeah, by our LORD Sun Ce. This is so hard to believe Gan Ning." she replied, holding back the giggle she wanted to let out.  
  
"I know. I only figured that about myself recently," his face then turned to a look of panic, "Oh my god, don't say one word about this to anyone please? Sun Ce would kill me if he knew you knew, besides, you know Wu's policy on same-sex relationships, the stuck up.."  
  
Gan Ning was cut off as Xiao Qiao's hand rested on his.  
  
"I wont say anything you don't want me to. It must have been pretty hard to tell me."  
  
"Yeah, easier than I thought though."  
  
"So that's why Sun Ce's been acting so..un-Sun Ce recently."  
  
"I guess so."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"So," she began, a look of mischief on her face, "How big is his thing?"  
  
Gan Ning's mouth opened wide, a smile mixed with surprise, "God Xiao Qiao, you have a mind like a swamp!"  
  
"I can't help it if I'm nosey" she giggled, flicking her brown hair with her hand.  
  
Gan Ning looked around. The room had gradually started to fill up. He looked outside.  
  
"It's almost time, I think we'd better get going so I can whoop your ass already."  
  
"Hey! Where did the idea of going easy on me go?" she elbowed him playfully in the ribs.  
  
As they exited the lunchroom Gan Ning felt free. He'd told someone and they'd understood. Xiao Qiao felt happy for Gan Ning, after all, Sun Ce seemed to make him happy. But deep down she felt it. Her feelings would have to be kept in their box for some other time. 


	12. Fragile Gift

Chapter Twelve - Fragile gift  
  
It was almost spring. In other words it was the day that Sun Ce was reminded how he'd wasted yet another year of his life. Not this year though.  
  
So what if he hadn't made his father proud? He had got something he'd been wishing for, for a much longer time.  
  
He walked out of his room and down the long corridor. He didn't expect anything from anyone today, not that many people realized it was his birthday.  
  
"Hey! Happy birthday, brother!" Sun Shang Xiang greeted Sun Ce, pulling his brother into a rough but warm hug. His brother Sun Quan was beside her.  
  
Sun Ce smiled. A warm smile that the other two hadn't seen for a long-time.  
  
"Happy birthday brother" Sun Quan greeted. "Father couldn't come and greet you himself as he is away to meet Liu Bei. He wished you happy birthday as well."  
  
"Yes, thank you. I'm glad someone remembered. And please, no parties for me. The last one was a disaster, both of you got SO drunk." He joked as he carried on walking, his brother and sister walking either side of him.  
  
Sun Shang Xiang threw Sun Quan a glance and he shrugged. Neither of them had seen Sun Ce so happy since a long time ago.  
  
***********************  
  
Sun Ce was genuinely pleased with his brother's and sister's happy greeting and sat down under a tree, the corners of his mouth curling upwards just a little, so only a few could have noticed his tiny smile.  
  
The training started as usual. Zhou Tai was teaching some soldiers today. The soldiers? Sun Ce hardly knows them. His attention was brought away from his thoughts for a moment when he heard a voice calling his name.  
  
"Um, I've been told to pass this message onto Lord Sun Ce. Is he here?"  
  
An out of breath messenger stood there, his face flushed and panting loudly. He'd obviously been to other training areas before this one.  
  
'A message to me? From who?' he thought as he raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes. Lord Sun Ce is sitting over there. Now go on, I'm in the middle of a training session here."  
  
The messenger apologised a few times, ran over to where Sun Ce was pointing and ran off again, apologising a few more times on the way.  
  
Sun Ce turned the envelope over and over in his hands as Zhou Tai continued with his training. It was simply addressed: Sun Ce. It wasn't a message from his father he was sure; it would've been more formal.  
  
He tore it open and unfolded the piece of white paper inside.  
  
Dear Sun Ce,  
  
Happy birthday! I have a  
  
present for you so come up to my  
  
room this evening and get it.  
  
Love Gan Ning  
  
xxx  
  
Sun Ce quickly folded up the paper and slipped it in his sash belt. His concentration lapsed and he eagerly anticipated that evening.  
  
***********************  
  
It was almost evening when Sun Ce left the training room and started to walk back to his room.  
  
He'd spent the whole day going through the various possibilities of the gift Gan Ning could've got him. Gan Ning had never bought him a birthday present before, since they'd never been friends before.  
  
His whole body ached from the various fights he'd been in during training today but he didn't care.  
  
He entered his own room, took a bath and changed into another pair of black pants and slipped on a black and silver robe. He checked his reflection at the mirror.  
  
Perfect  
  
He left his room and walked towards the officers quarters.  
  
**************************  
  
He arrived at Gan Ning's door; a small note was pinned to it:  
  
The door's unlocked.  
  
Sun Ce pushed opened the wooden door and sure enough it opened. He stepped inside.  
  
The main candle lights were not lighted, the occasional small candles here and there the only light source.  
  
'What has he got planned?' he mused, walking past the kitchen, seeing no one there.  
  
He walked through the seating area and noticed the bedroom door.  
  
'I don't care but I think I'm going to like it' he thought, a sly smile spreading across his face.  
  
He adjusted his robe quickly and pushed open the door.  
  
The room was filled with candles, flickering as the open door let in a slight breeze. The faint smell of incense lingered in the air, and in the middle of it all was Gan Ning.  
  
He was sitting on the end of the bed wearing a dark red robe. The flickering candlelight made his face glow with a warm light.  
  
"Oh my god. Gan Ning?" Sun Ce asked, leaning against the doorframe.  
  
Gan Ning smiled and beckoned for Sun Ce to sit beside him. Sun Ce did as he was bid and gazed into Gan Ning's eyes.  
  
"Someone's been busy" he commented, bringing a little blush to Gan Ning's cheeks.  
  
"Well, I wanted to surprise you."  
  
"Heh, you did." Sun Ce replied, looking around the candlelit bedroom.  
  
"So," he began again after a slight pause, "What did you get me?" he asked, wearing a seductive smile.  
  
"I wanted to give you something special for your birthday." Gan Ning began, but was cut off by Sun Ce as he reached down and held Gan Ning's hands in his own.  
  
"And what is that?"  
  
"I..."  
  
'Say it'  
  
"I want...I want to give you my virginity."  
  
Sun Ce's eyes grew wider.  
  
"You're a virgin?" he questioned, tilting his head to the side, curious.  
  
Gan Ning looked away embarrassed by Sun Ce's questions.  
  
"Yes..." he replied weakly.  
  
Sun Ce put his hand to his cheek and turned Gan Ning to face him.  
  
"Are you sure you want this?"  
  
Gan Ning's bright brown eyes gazed into his own as he spoke, "With you."  
  
Sun Ce leant down and kissed Gan Ning's neck gently.  
  
"Thank you" he whispered.  
  
His mouth moved up and pressed gently on Gan Ning's, a kiss so soft and full of unspoken love that Gan Ning was overwhelmed by it. He placed one hand at the back of Gan Ning's neck, kissing him softly. He pulled away, looking into Gan Ning's eyes. Gan Ning's face was a mixture of desire, nervousness and....love. A vision of innocence.  
  
He leant down again, pulled off the bandanna, running his hand through Gan Ning's hair. His mouth wandered to his neck, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses as he gently tugged at Gan Ning's robe and slipped it off. He sat back for a moment, just looking at the tattooed angel before him.  
  
"What's wrong?" Gan Ning asked quietly.  
  
Sun Ce shook his head, "You're just...perfect..."  
  
Gan Ning smiled faintly as Sun Ce dropped his sash belt to the floor, taking off his robe. His eyes were on Gan Ning the whole time. Gan Ning reached out and helped Sun Ce take off his remaining clothes.  
  
Gan Ning had never seen Sun Ce fully naked and his body was toned and muscular in a subtle way, his skin smooth and glowing in the candlelight.  
  
"Are you sure you want this?" he asked again.  
  
Gan Ning nodded, his gaze never leaving Sun Ce's.  
  
Sun Ce leant forward and brought his hand to Gan Ning's cheek, enjoying the way Gan Ning shivered at his touch as he placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before laying him down, his skin looking pale against the velvet sheets. He hovered over Gan Ning's body, watching the expression on his face before leaning into a deep kiss, gradually slipping into Gan Ning's mouth. The boy beneath him let out a small moan as Sun Ce brushed his hand against Gan Ning's sex, tugging on it gently as he deepened the kiss. Gan Ning returned the favour, making Sun Ce's breathing grow loud and uneven.  
  
"Do you have...?" he began before he drew in a sharp breath.  
  
Gan Ning turned his head, indicating to the table at the side. Sun Ce sat up and picked up the small bottle, pouring some of the contents into his palm, dipping his fingers in the cool grape seed oil. Gan Ning looked up at him eagerly.  
  
"Are you...sure?" he asked, his breathing a little uneven. Not that he could've stopped now even if he wanted to. Which he didn't.  
  
"Yes" Gan Ning murmured quietly, total trust lying in his eyes.  
  
"Just relax," he said stroking Gan Ning's brow as he spread his legs, lifting his hips slightly.  
  
He slowly pushed one finger into his opening, and then another, rubbing along Gan Ning's inner walls. He could hear Gan Ning's ragged breathing and watched as his eyes closed halfway, his mouth parted slightly. Gan Ning's back arched off the bed as Sun Ce's fingers touched that spot inside him that he didn't even know existed until now. Sun Ce grinned and rubbed against it again, hearing Gan Ning let out a loud cry. He wanted him to enjoy this as much as possible. He withdrew his fingers when he was satisfied and rubbed some of the oil on himself.  
  
"Don't stop...please?" Gan Ning whimpered.  
  
Sun Ce smiled at his lover's impatience. He started to work his own sex in his hand, the oil spreading across the whole length of it with each pull. He restrained himself from carrying on and took his hand away, leaning over Gan Ning once more.  
  
Gan Ning looked up at those hazel eyes that over a month ago he would've hated to see but now he was drowning in them. His senses were on fire, his mind covered by a thick mist of pleasure, Sun Ce filling his every thought.  
  
Sun Ce levelled his mouth with Gan Ning's ear, his warm breath sending a tingling feeling down his spine. He could feel Sun Ce's length pressing against his opening.  
  
"I love you, Gan Ning," he whispered, and he pushed his body into Gan Ning's.  
  
Gan Ning felt a twinge of pain and grit his teeth but it was soon forgotten as he felt Sun Ce's hand close around his sex. Sun Ce groaned into Gan Ning's shoulder. He was tighter than he'd thought he'd be. He stayed there a moment, letting Gan Ning get used to the feeling. He soon heard a frustrated sob.  
  
"Please..do it..."  
  
Gan Ning clamped around him instinctively as he began to move in and out of his tight channel slowly, his thrusts gradually gaining speed. Gan Ning's legs wrapped around Sun Ce's waist and his hands clawed into his back as his moaning increased with each thrust. He spread his legs wider, wanting Sun Ce deeper inside him and Sun Ce shifted, causing him to move against the boy beneath him at a different angle, rubbing the place inside him that made him scream out in pleasure. As well as his own cries Gan Ning could hear the low moaning of his lover who's skin had a sheen of sweat to it now. He leant upward and brought Sun Ce's mouth to his own, kissing him intensely. Every second of Gan Ning's life had been nothing in comparison to this moment.  
  
His thrusts became more urgent as he headed for the brink, burying his face into Gan Ning's neck, pumping Gan Ning in time with his quickening pace.  
  
He was nothing without Gan Ning. Together they were complete.  
  
Gan Ning's threw his head back, moaning as Sun Ce was pumping him faster. His nerves were alive with electricity, the sensations he was experiencing overwhelming every muscle, every nerve, every single part of his body and being. He could feel that he was on the brink and welcomed it, moving himself into Sun Ce's thrusts.  
  
The thing that sent Sun Ce over the edge was looking up from Gan Ning's shoulder and seeing Gan Ning's eye's heavy-lidded, a euphoric look on his face as he whispered between ragged breaths.  
  
"Ss...Sun Ce...."  
  
He came; his whole mind filled with nothing but the man beneath him, surrounding him, the missing part of him. Gan Ning followed closely after feeling the surge of warmth filling him, his fluid spilling into Sun Ce's hand as he cried out his name once more.  
  
Sun Ce's head fell to Gan Ning's neck; catching his breath as he lay there, sweat glistening on his skin. He could feel Gan Ning's pulse beginning to slow gradually and slowly raised his head and placed a kiss on his cheek, the flushed skin hot against his lips.  
  
He slowly and regretfully withdrew from him and rolled over to lay beside Gan Ning, his arm reaching across his chest as he pulled him close.  
  
Gan Ning turned and faced him, his breathing nearly normal again. He wore a confused look on his face, almost sad.  
  
"I..."  
  
Sun Ce sat up quickly.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
'Oh god please let him not think that it was a mistake....'  
  
"Nothing's wrong. That was just..."  
  
Sun Ce smiled and lay back down, pulling the blankets over the two of them.  
  
"I know."  
  
Gan Ning nestled his head into Sun Ce's chest as Sun Ce traced his tattoo, and looked up at him, as if seeing him for the first time.  
  
"What you said...earlier. Did you mean it?" he asked hesitantly.  
  
"Yes. I did." Sun Ce replied, wrapping his arms around his lover.  
  
"I think I might...love you too." Gan Ning said quietly.  
  
Sun Ce's heart skipped a beat. Those seven words struck a chord in him and he was flooded with emotion.  
  
He pulled him closer, kissing his forehead as Gan Ning's eyes began to close. He did the same, holding Gan Ning in his arms.  
  
"Ce?" he murmured in a sleepy voice, his eyes still closed.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Happy birthday" he mumbled kissing Sun Ce's chest before slipping into his dreams.  
  
Sun Ce smiled. He drifted off into a sleep filled with the angel that lay beside him, no longer full of fitful dreams.  
  
He was complete. 


	13. Shocking Discovery

Chapter Thirteen - Shocking discovery  
  
Within the two weeks since his birthday Sun Ce had witnessed the change from Gan Ning being a nervous inexperienced young man to a sexual dynamo. Every waking moment they were alone they were all over each other.  
  
Gan Ning's day started out like many had in the past weeks, waking up next to Sun Ce who would be watching him as he slept, running his hands through his hair or tracing his tattoos which seemed to cause such interest.  
  
"Mornin' you." he mumbled sleepily before yawning.  
  
"Good morning." Sun Ce replied, kissing Gan Ning on the forehead before throwing his legs over the side of the bed and getting to his feet.  
  
"Where you going?"  
  
"I've got to meet up with Lu Xun and Zhou Tai in fifteen minutes." Sun Ce answered whilst pulling on his underwear and pants.  
  
Gan Ning's face dropped.  
  
"Oh...right."  
  
Gan Ning got to his feet. He'd figured he better get to the training area before his mission briefing in the afternoon anyway.  
  
Gan Ning got dressed before Sun Ce, like always, and sat on the bed, watching Sun Ce as he examined himself in the mirror.  
  
"I thought you were in a hurry."  
  
"You want me to leave my own room that bad huh?"  
  
Gan Ning rolled his eyes. "No, I just thought you were going to be late, that's all."  
  
Sun Ce shrugged and headed for the door. A mischievous grin suddenly appeared on Gan Ning's face.  
  
"Wait a second..."  
  
**********************************  
  
Lu Xun paced back and forth at the training area, checking to see if Sun Ce was there every few steps.  
  
"Where is he?" Lu Xun asked, looking at Zhou Tai who was busy polishing his sword.  
  
"..."  
  
Lu Xun sighed at Zhou Tai's lack of communication. He'd never been much of a talker. Five minutes had passed since he'd first arrived and he was late. It was not like Sun Ce at all, despite his unruly behaviour.  
  
"Fine, I'm going to find him. Are you coming?"  
  
"Let's go..."  
  
*****************************************  
  
Gan Ning had persuaded Sun Ce to sit down on a chair and was now kneeling between his legs.  
  
"And what exactly are you intending on doing down there Gan Ning?" he asked in a knowing voice.  
  
"I'm intending," he mocked Sun Ce's voice perfectly, "to pay you back for last night..."  
  
He ran his hand over Sun Ce's crotch then began to untie his sash belt. Sun Ce looked down at him, a wicked smile on his face.  
  
"I see..."  
  
He tore away the remaining barriers between them and found what he was seeking.  
  
"I've never done this before, 'kay?"  
  
Frankly Sun Ce couldn't give a damn, and he told Gan Ning just that.  
  
He remembered how Sun Ce had done this before, and didn't want to disappoint him on his first try. He placed his hands on Sun Ce's thighs for support and took the head in his mouth, swirling his tongue over it, receiving a moan from Sun Ce in response.  
  
"Damn that's good Gan Ning..."  
  
************************************  
  
"So we've checked the training areas, the lunch room and the library...you don't think he could still be in bed do you?" Lu Xun asked, losing his patience with his fellow officer.  
  
"..."  
  
"Fine, let's go and check." Lu Xun said, marching off towards Sun Ce's room.  
  
*************************************  
  
"You know what I...unh...what I said to myself when....uh, yeah like that...when I first saw you?" Sun Ce said to Gan Ning who was hard at work.  
  
"Hmm?" Gan Ning asked, running his tongue across Sun Ce's shaft receiving another moan from him.  
  
"Umm, I said 'I bet he unh...gives good head.'" Sun Ce managed to say through gritted teeth, letting out a long moan when he'd finished.  
  
"You talk too much." Gan Ning commented before taking Sun Ce back in his mouth, all the way in.  
  
Sun Ce began to thrust into his mouth but Gan Ning held his hips still, much to Sun Ce's frustration. He gripped the arms of the chair closing his eyes.  
  
***************************************  
  
"I thought I heard voices from his room, I guess he's still here." Lu Xun remarked.  
  
Zhou Tai pushed the door to Sun Ce's room open.  
  
The sight that was before them was one that was hard to believe. Sun Ce, son of Sun Jian, sat there with his head back and eyes closed, while their former pirate friend knelt between his legs, his head bobbing backwards and forwards. Unlike Gan Ning, Sun Ce heard the gasp from the doorway and opened his eyes to see Lu Xun and Zhou Tai standing wide-eyed, staring.  
  
"Gan Ning!" Sun Ce exclaimed, pulling on Gan Ning's hair to get his attention.  
  
"You like that huh?" Gan Ning chuckled, pulling away for a moment.  
  
Sun Ce's hands turned Gan Ning's head to face the two officers standing in the doorway. Gan Ning's expression rapidly changed.  
  
"We, uh, we'll *come* back, I mean, *head* back later...I mean, um..." Lu Xun spluttered out, before turning and leaving the room hastily, dragging the still shocked Zhou Tai out with him. The door slammed shut.  
  
Gan Ning looked up at Sun Ce.  
  
"I, we have to speak to them!"  
  
"Right now?" he asked, his need showing in his voice.  
  
"That all you think about? We'll finish this later. They were so fuckin' freaked out, we've gotta go speak to them." Gan Ning pleaded.  
  
"All right." Sun Ce half-heartedly agreed, pulling up his trousers reluctantly.  
  
*************************************  
  
They had finally tracked down Lu Xun and Zhou Tai in the lunch room and had persuaded them to sit down and talk to them.  
  
"So you see...uh...you weren't meant to find out like that." Gan Ning said, looking down at the table, remembering the looks of shock on his friend's faces.  
  
Sun Ce sat silently with his feet resting on a chair, looking away from Zhou Tai. If there was one person he didn't want to know about this it was him.  
  
"So you two are...?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How long?" Lu Xun continued, trying to picture Gan Ning and Sun Ce together then quickly blocking the scene he'd just witnessed from his mind.  
  
"About two months or so."  
  
Lu Xun hummed and sat still, drumming his fingers on the table.  
  
"Are you serious Gan Ning? Lord Sun Ce?" Zhou Tai asked, the first full sentence of the day.  
  
"I'm right here, I can hear you Zhou Tai." Sun Ce said bitterly, still looking away.  
  
Gan Ning sensed the impending argument and cut in quickly.  
  
"Yes, I'm being serious. I thought ya might have guessed that by now. And before you ask, no, we're not just messing around. We're serious about this."  
  
"So...what you're ultimately saying is you're a couple?" Lu Xun asked hesitantly.  
  
"Yes. But I'd appreciate it if you'd keep that information to yourself." Sun Ce said, a slightly threatening tone in his voice.  
  
"Of course, Lord Sun Ce, I'll keep this confidential."  
  
"Good."  
  
There was a long uneasy pause before Lu Xun spoke again.  
  
"Does anyone else know?"  
  
Sun Ce answered no while Gan Ning started saying yes. Sun Ce looked at him.  
  
"Someone else knows?!"  
  
Gan Ning realised he'd put his foot in it.  
  
"Well, yeah...Xiao Qiao kinda knows."  
  
"You didn't tell me."  
  
Sun Ce turned away, obviously slightly taken back by Gan Ning not telling him sooner. These feelings disappeared as Gan Ning put a reassuring hand on his knee.  
  
"Well she knows," he turned back to Lu Xun and Zhou Tai, "and now you know."  
  
There was another awkward silence. Lu Xun looked at Sun Ce.  
  
"We'd better be going. We still need to speak to you Lord Sun Ce," he stated, acting as if nothing had happened.  
  
Sun Ce nodded, unusually quiet, and followed Zhou Tai and Lu Xun from the lunch room. Gan Ning sat there a long while after, wondering what was going on in their minds. 


	14. Bitter Accusations

Chapter Fourteen - Bitter accusations  
  
Pei Lin sat by herself in the library; not focusing on the words in the book that sat on her lap. Her mind was still playing through the night of the party. She tortured herself over and over again trying to work out why Gan Ning had shied away from her after that. The only reason she could think of? Sun Ce.  
  
Her theory was this: Deep down Sun Ce liked her, and seeing her with Gan Ning drove him mad and made him snap. She wasn't bigheaded of course but this was the only rational explanation to her, that she was so desirable that even Sun Ce couldn't resist her.  
  
She was going mad. It drove her crazy thinking that Gan Ning barely spoke to her anymore because of Sun Ce. He was the one guy she really liked. True, Pei Lin could get any guy she wanted provided she wore the right outfit and she had guys asking her out all the time...but Gan Ning was different. He was laid back and never put any pressure on and he was so genuine, not to mention his body...  
  
She sighed, shutting the book. That was when she got the idea. Nobody noticed the odd glimmer in her eyes as she left the library, or the silent smirk she wore.  
  
***************************************  
  
It was early evening and Sun Ce had spent the day going to and from training with Lu Xun, not seeing Gan Ning since early morning. It was weird being with Lu Xun now that he knew and he could sense his change of behaviour around him, like he was delicate. He hated that. As for Zhou Tai? He'd just avoided him, hating the fact that the mighty Zhou Tai knows his secret. It's not that he was ashamed; it was just that in Sun Ce's opinion some things were just better left unknown.  
  
He took the main corridor with several soldiers chatting there and among them a tattooed pirate.  
  
"Hey Ning boy" he said, a note of happiness in his voice.  
  
"Whatever Sun Ce" Gan Ning replied, a smile appearing on his face.  
  
To others this was normal behaviour and although they were now a couple they still kept up their roles, Sun Ce the bully and Gan Ning the victim. Nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
Gan Ning excused himself from the group and joined Sun Ce and walked down the corridor.  
  
"So, how was your day?" Sun Ce asked, wrapping his arm around Gan Ning's waist to pull him a little closer as they walked down to an empty hall.  
  
"Fine. It got a little better when I saw you though." he replied, a grin filling his face.  
  
Sun Ce sighed happily. He was so content now with Gan Ning beside him. The only unhappiness he felt these days was when Gan Ning was away from him and he ached for him to return, to feel his skin against his, hear him laugh and see his happy face.  
  
They decided to go to Gan Ning's room since it was nearer and once inside Sun Ce hungrily kissed him, pushing him up against the wall. Gan Ning kissed back eagerly, wrapping his legs around Sun Ce's waist as he carried him to the bedroom, throwing him down on the bed.  
  
"Woah! You're eager." Gan Ning exclaimed breathless from the kiss.  
  
"Does someone who looks like you have to ask why?" he replied making Gan Ning blush a little.  
  
He leant down over the former pirate, kissing along his neck down to his chest. He'd just taken off Gan Ning's top when someone knocked at Gan Ning's door.  
  
"I'll just get that..."  
  
"The hell you will!" Sun Ce replied pushing Gan Ning back down onto the bed and grinding against him, making him rapidly change his mind.  
  
Lu Xun swore he heard voices coming from the room but he hesitated to knock the door again.  
  
"Gan Ning? Are you there? I need to see you ASAP about tomorrow's soldiers training schedule. Meet me at the bridge. Oh, and if Sun Ce's there I think he should be working on his strategy planning for tomorrow morning."  
  
Sun Ce reluctantly rose from the bed, pulling Gan Ning into a sitting position.  
  
"Well, you heard the kid. You'd better go."  
  
Gan Ning sighed "Yeah, I guess...See you later?"  
  
"Are you kidding me? If I don't meet you later assume I'm dead, okay?"  
  
Gan Ning smiled. "Fine, see you later."  
  
Sun Ce kissed him on the cheek before he left the room. A moment later Gan Ning straightened out his hair and set off for the bridge.  
  
**************************************  
  
Sun Ce's mind was blank.  
  
"What's the point for ME in writing strategy plans? I'm trained to fight, not to write, besides...this is Lu Xun's duty" he mumbled to himself before chewing the end of his writing brush.  
  
He sat at his desk, which was covered in numerous books that were arranged in messy piles. So far he'd written a half a page and he had to write...  
  
"God damn it! How am I supposed to write two and a half more pages?!" he shouted at nobody, standing up and walking over to his bed before lying down, trying to calm himself.  
  
A loud knock at the door made him almost fell off from his bed, cursing under his breath. He opened it to find four guards and Sun Quan standing there. He was quickly grabbed and his arms were forced behind his back making him wince.  
  
"What the *fuck* is going on?!" he demanded, confusion evident on his face.  
  
"I am sorry brother, you are... you are charged with assault and rape. We're taking you to see father," Sun Quan said in a shaky voice.  
  
Sun Ce's mouth dropped.  
  
"W-WHAT?!? That's crazy!"  
  
"I want to know what is going on too, father will deal with this." Sun Quan replied before they led him down the corridor, his door still ajar. 


	15. The Hidden Truth

Chapter Fifteen - The Hidden Truth  
  
Gan Ning stood, leaning against the wall of the bridge as Lu Xun walked up the bridge. He lazily raised an eyebrow at Lu Xun.  
  
"So, whatcha want Lu Xun?"  
  
"I need to talk to you about the soldiers training schedule" Lu Xun began as serious as ever, "just as soon as Xiao Qiao and Da Qiao get here. Where are they?"  
  
Gan Ning shrugged while he waited impatiently, wanting to carry on what he'd begun earlier.  
  
Lu Xun hated everyone's relaxed approach to everything. It seemed to him that he was one of the only few who took being a Wu officer seriously.  
  
"Do you reckon I should look for them?"  
  
"Sure" Gan Ning answered, combing his fingers through his spiked bangs.  
  
There was a sound from the other side of the bridge, a shocked Xiao Qiao running on it. Her eye's looked past Lu Xun' angry gaze to Gan Ning who she ran over to. He noticed that she was short of breath.  
  
"Gan Ning! Oh my god, you *have* to come down to the main hall right now! It's Sun Ce..."  
  
Gan Ning's mind raced. What had he done now?  
  
"Why? What's going on?"  
  
"It's all over Wu camp, Sun Ce's been..." she paused, taking a deep breath before carrying on in low voice slowly, "he's been accused of raping Pei Lin."  
  
Gan Ning blinked, the words washing over him.  
  
"What?" was the only thing he could think to say, his thoughts buzzing around his head chaotically.  
  
"We have to go *right* now." Xiao Qiao said, urgently tugging on Gan Ning's arm, "Come on Lu Xun, we can talk later!"  
  
She pulled Gan Ning with her, the two of them leaving Lu Xun dazed and alone.  
  
**************************************  
  
Sun Ce sat alone in a secured room. His mind was filled with anger, confusion and a lot of fear. He hadn't done anything wrong; he hadn't laid a finger on Pei Lin so why was she accusing him of rape of all things? She was so easy that she'd probably consent anyway. Not that he'd want the hussy. Hell no. But what was going to happen to him if they found him guilty? How could they find him guilty?  
  
Gan Ning drifted back into his thoughts. What if Gan Ning thought he was guilty? Would Gan Ning think that? He'd got mad at Pei Lin before, what if Gan Ning thought he'd lashed out again? He didn't care what everyone else thought as long as Gan Ning believed him.  
  
He sighed, scuffing the toe of his boot on the floor.  
  
***************************************  
  
Gan Ning and Sun Ce ran along the halls. Huge groups of soldiers and officers were gathered on either side of the narrow corridors leaving little room to move. Throughout the murmur Gan Ning could pick out pieces of conversations, all of them to do with Sun Ce. Xiao Qiao had to restrain him when he almost lashed out at a soldier who said that he reckoned "that scum bag" had definitely done it. Xiao Qiao squeezed his hand tightly.  
  
"Don't worry, we'll go to Lord Sun Jian."  
  
Gan Ning nodded. His mind was a mass of confusion. What if Sun Ce had done it? He cursed himself mentally for doubting Sun Ce. The probability that he'd decide to go out and rape his ex-girlfriend was very, very small. The idea was stupid. But why would Pei Lin lie?  
  
It suddenly became very clear. Gan Ning was even more determined to speak to Sun Jian. They pushed through the crowds to get to the main hall. Xiao Qiao turned to face him, her face showing what he felt. He knew that look, the one of complete understanding. She was one of the few people who did.  
  
"Come on Gan Ning, Lord Sun Jian will listen to us."  
  
They walked down the corridor to the large oak doors of the main hall. They were locked. Xiao Qiao walked over to the door and knocked.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"It's Xiao Qiao, my Lord..."  
  
Sun Jian sounded like he had a lot on his mind and his voice had a rougher edge than usual, "I'm busy right now. Come back later."  
  
Sun Ce hesitated, looking back at Gan Ning's desperate expression before talking again.  
  
"But my Lord, this concerns Sun Ce."  
  
There was a long pause before Sun Jian spoke again.  
  
"This had better be important. Let her in."  
  
The guards unlocked the massive doors. They pushed them open and walked over to Sun Jian's desk slowly.  
  
"My Lord, I'd like the opportunity to speak to Sun Ce please." Gan Ning said quietly.  
  
Sun Jian looked at him curiously "Why?"  
  
"I *know* how I can prove his innocence. Please my Lord."  
  
"And why would you want to do that?" Sun Jian asked, bemused.  
  
Gan Ning became stuck for words but Xiao Qiao interrupted.  
  
"He has his reasons."  
  
Sun Jian thought for a moment, he wants his son to be proved innocent as well.  
  
"Okay, I will give you some time" he pointed to a soldier, "Show them the way."  
  
The soldier led them from the room, closing the door behind them before taking them where they emerged in a dark twisting corridor. At the end of the corridor was a room where two men stood on either side. They opened the door and Gan Ning walked in, gesturing for Xiao Qiao to stay outside.  
  
The room was dark and pretty small but in the corner he could make out the shape of his lover, sitting on a wooden bench. His head was hung low and to Gan Ning he couldn't look more defeated. Sun Ce heard the door shut and turned his head, his eyes lighting up.  
  
"Gan Ning..." he said weakly "You don't believe them do you? I'd never do that..."  
  
Gan Ning sat next to him and Sun Ce felt strong arms wrap around him.  
  
"No, course I don't. And I know how to prove it."  
  
Sun Ce gave him a questioning look but Gan Ning simply smiled back faintly.  
  
*************************************  
  
Gan Ning and Sun Ce stood opposite Sun Jian's desk. The main hall now was full of people; Pei Lin was crying and being consoled by Da Qiao and Sun Shang Xiang on the left-hand side of the room, Taishi Ci, Lu Xun, Zhou Tai, Xiao Qiao and Lu Meng stood on the right and Huang Gai, Sun Quan and some guards stood by Sun Jian. Gan Ning was rapidly losing his nerve.  
  
'Come on, you can't back out now. If you don't do it you can't clear Sun Ce's name...'  
  
"Go on Gan Ning, what information do you have in Sun Ce's defence?"  
  
Gan Ning cleared his throat and turned to Sun Jian.  
  
"My Lord...well I can say where Sun Ce was this evening."  
  
Sun Ce's body tensed visibly.  
  
"Do tell us then." Sun Jian said.  
  
Gan Ning sensed that it wasn't going too well and swallowed before continuing.  
  
"He was...he was with me."  
  
"Can anyone else testify that he was with you?"  
  
Gan Ning looked desperately around the room, his eyes resting on Lu Xun.  
  
"Lu Xun can, he knew Sun Ce was with me."  
  
The former pirate in question went a faint shade of red.  
  
"I see...And what were you and Sun Ce doing?"  
  
Gan Ning paused, noticing that every set of eyes in the room were on him. He looked to Sun Ce whose eyes seemed to beg him to shut up. He took a *very* deep breath.  
  
"Before I answer that question I'd like to inform you of something." he paused and took Sun Ce's hand in his own, "Sun Ce and I are...we're gay." He said slowly, pausing before painfully continuing, "And I've been seeing him for several months now."  
  
Sun Ce's free hand was on his forehead and he was looking down at the ground, mumbling something under his breath. Zhou Tai, Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun were exchanging nervous glances. Sun Jian looked straight at Gan Ning.  
  
"Why are you lying for him Gan Ning? I cannot tolerate liars."  
  
"I'm *not* lying" he said in a determined voice before turning to face Sun Ce. Sun Ce looked back at him nervously.  
  
Gan Ning's hands found their way to Sun Ce's waist and the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and leant into a deep kiss. Sun Ce's eyes opened wide, shock evident on his face but a moment later his arms were wrapped around Gan Ning's body, pulling him closer. A moment later they untangled themselves from each other and turned back to face Sun Jian. Gan Ning looked around the room; everyone's jaw was hung low and the shock was clear to see. Pei Lin's expression was of shock and revulsion. Sun Ce tried not to look at the eyes, which bore into him.  
  
"We'll... we'll discuss this l-later. Da Qiao, I want you to take Pei Lin to your place" Sun Jian said, his eyes never leaving the pair on the other side of his desk.  
  
Da Qiao nodded hastily, taking Pei Lin out of the room. The others left the room under Sun Jian's orders. Everyone except Gan Ning and Sun Ce.  
  
"I'm sorry that I doubted you my son about Pei Lin but this is even.... " He stopped for a moment. "...I want you both back here in a while so I can decide how best to handle the situation."  
  
Gan Ning nodded solemnly and led Sun Ce from the room.  
  
*************************************  
  
The three officers were sat around Lu Xun' dining table in his quarters when they heard the knock on the door. Xiao Qiao answered it to find Gan Ning and Sun Ce, looking equally depressed. They sat down with the others in silence. Nobody spoke.  
  
Gan Ning's mind was full of panic. What would happen to them? Why did he kiss Sun Ce in front his ex-girlfriend, his fellow officers, the guards and Sun Jian for God's sake? He put his head in his hands. Why was everything always so difficult? It was like he couldn't win, no matter how hard he tried.  
  
After a very long while Xiao Qiao hesitantly said, "I think it was very brave of you to do that."  
  
She received a quiet thank you from Gan Ning and a silent nod from Sun Ce.  
  
"It's time."  
  
Gan Ning and Sun Ce stood up and left the room.  
  
"What do you think Lord Sun Jian's gonna do?" Lu Xun asked quietly.  
  
"I don't know" Zhou Tai replied, "but I doubt it will be good."  
  
**********************************************  
  
"Take a seat, both of you."  
  
Gan Ning and Sun Ce lowered themselves silently into their seats. Sun Jian spoke first to his son.  
  
"You were wrongly accused and I am sorry that I doubted you, but you both know as well as I do that the Wu camp has a strict policy regarding same sex relationships. They are a sign of weakness..."  
  
Weakness? Did being in love with Gan Ning make him weak just because he was a man? It was too much, having everyone turn against him because of the way he felt...  
  
"BULLSHIT!" Sun Ce shouted angrily, banging his fist on the table as he stood up, "have I been fighting any worse since I've been with Gan Ning? No! You wouldn't even have noticed!"  
  
"SUN CE will you sit down and shut up!" said Sun Jian loudly and Sun Ce sat down, his hands in tight fists. His blood boiled. Gan Ning just looked on, seemingly oblivious to his lover's actions.  
  
"If you'd let me finish I would have told you by now that due to both of your amazing fighting abilities I am willing to overlook banishing you out of the Wu's camp, even my own son."  
  
Sun Ce exhaled loudly. The knot that had been forming in his stomach had gone and he felt great relief, after all like he'd said to himself before; what was he without Wu?  
  
"Thank you, my Lord." "Thank you, father." They both chimed in unison.  
  
"But...I have made some decisions. Sun Ce is to go to Wu's East main camp and you, Gan Ning, are to stay here." Sun Jian said, his voice sounding weary.  
  
"WHAT?!" Sun Ce exclaimed.  
  
"You have no choice. The arrangements have been made. A month ago, Zhou Yu went there and he will be expecting you to be there by three days. I will be sending him a message soon. You're both dismissed."  
  
Gan Ning was frozen to his chair. He'd found the love of his life and they were to be ripped apart. He felt like he would explode with the amount of anger and sorrow that bubbled up inside him. He felt Sun Ce's hand on his shoulder and he stood up shakily, not looking back at the man had ruined everything that mattered to him as he left the room. 


	16. Divided Sky

Chapter Sixteen - Divided sky  
  
Gan Ning sat down on the bed, his head resting in his hands. Why did things have to change? Why couldn't everything have stayed the way it was? He felt the sting of salt behind his eyelids and closed his eyes, feeling two streams of warm water roll down his cheeks. His pulse drummed in his ears and he noticed that his breathing was loud and short. There was a quiet knock at the door.  
  
"Who is it?" He said back, unshed tears lingering in his voice.  
  
"It's me."  
  
There were a million "me's" that it could have been but only one mattered to Gan Ning right then and he found him standing on his doorstep.  
  
"Sun Ce..."  
  
Sun Ce was as solemn as he'd always been but Gan Ning could see the flushed look on his face and the slight redness around his eyes. He'd been crying, but he was so used to his role that he would never admit it. Without a word Sun Ce's arms were around him and Gan Ning's face was buried in his shoulder, the sadness he felt overwhelming him. Sun Ce stroked his back while he broke down, his body shaking with the muffled sobs that shook through him. Eventually they stopped and he felt Sun Ce kissing the top of his head, still holding him tightly.  
  
"...*sniff*...Must you go?" Gan Ning asked, looking up at Sun Ce, although it was more of a plea than a question.  
  
"I have to..." Sun Ce answered, a sad expression on his face.  
  
Gan Ning had seen that expression before when Sun Ce had first visited him in his quarters. That one look caused Gan Ning so much more pain than anything else ever could and he leant his head on Sun Ce's shoulder, not wanting to see it.  
  
Several minutes passed before Gan Ning pulled away.  
  
"When are you leaving?"  
  
"Tomorrow morning." He said sadly.  
  
"Is it almost midnight now?"  
  
Sun Ce pulled Gan Ning closer.  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Sun Ce" Gan Ning said before holding Sun Ce's hand in his own, "Would you stay with me tonight? Please?"  
  
Sun Ce managed a faint smile, "Where else would I go?"  
  
Gan Ning led him into the living room and they sat down on Gan Ning's large bed. Neither of them spoke. There was a candle burning and it sent warm colours around the room. Sun Ce held Gan Ning tightly, as though if he let go he'd be gone forever. Sun Ce heard Gan Ning sniffing and looked down at him. He was crying again quietly, silent tears running down his cheeks. Sun Ce lifted Gan Ning's chin so they were face to face.  
  
"This doesn't mean it's over Gan Ning." He said quietly.  
  
"It's not?"  
  
"Of course not, I'll write and send you letters all the time and you don't work *all* the time. We can still see each other."  
  
"But what about Sun Jian?"  
  
"I don't give a damn what he thinks and I don't think you should either. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks anymore and I owe that to you."  
  
Gan Ning gave him a curious look.  
  
"Let's just say that kissing me at the main hall helped. You didn't care who knew and I realised that I didn't either. Thank you, Gan Ning." he said, wiping Gan Ning's tear-stained cheek with his hand.  
  
He leant over and kissed the skin of Gan Ning's cheek before gently pressing his lips to Gan Ning's who accepted them hungrily, parting his own willingly to let Sun Ce's tongue into his mouth. They kissed deeply, Sun Ce slipping Gan Ning's clothes away from his skin until piece-by-piece their garments lay in a pile next to the bed on the floor while they devoured each other with a desperate need.  
  
Gan Ning had never felt the need to be so close to Sun Ce before, and he didn't want to release him from his mouth but eventually he pulled away. He pushed Sun Ce so his back was pressed against the head of the bed and straddled him whilst sucking at the flesh of his neck, leaving a dark bruise. Slowly he lowered himself onto Sun Ce's length, his need taking over him, his need to be with his Lord and for Sun Ce to be inside him, a part of him. This movement caused Sun Ce's eyes to flutter closed as he let out a low moan. His arms snaked around to hold Gan Ning's back as he willingly impaled himself again and again. Gan Ning's head was thrown back and he held onto Sun Ce's shoulders tightly, his breathing fast and shallow and Sun Ce's name echoing repeatedly across his lips.  
  
Sun Ce rolled his hips up into every one of the downward thrusts. He needed Gan Ning so badly and it was killing him inside but when they were like this, and when they were moving together, everything else faded away and there was nothing else that mattered apart from them and the whole little universe that seemed to revolve around them. Sun Ce's hand slipped between them and he helped work Gan Ning higher into his own bliss, his other hand moving up so his fingers were splayed in chocolate brown hair. Gan Ning's grip on Sun Ce's shoulders tightened and red marks appeared under his fingertips but Sun Ce didn't care.  
  
The way Sun Ce stroked him inside and out sent sweet tremors through his body and he came, leaning back further into Sun Ce's hand as it cradled his head, moaning loudly. Sun Ce's hands moved to Gan Ning's back and he pulled Gan Ning tightly to his chest as he climaxed deep inside him. They sat there for a few moments while they caught their breath.  
  
Sun Ce kissed Gan Ning's neck and lifted the smaller man off him, laying him down.  
  
"Please don't go...?"  
  
Sun Ce replied by putting a finger to his lips. Gan Ning sat up as Sun Ce put a large cushion behind him and they both lay down, Sun Ce pulling the blanket over them. He felt Gan Ning's arm wrap around his chest and he pulled Gan Ning close to him, the feel of his skin against his own sending a feeling of familiarity through him. He sighed and blocked out thoughts of the following morning as he and his lover drifted off to sleep. The candle light was dying and soon there was nothing left but melted wax.  
  
**************************************  
  
The early morning sun sent weak rays of light through the window of Gan Ning's room, awakening Sun Ce from his slumber. He rubbed his eyes wearily and looked over the window. It was early in the morning. He didn't have to be out until late in the morning, which gave him time to just hold Gan Ning, the knot in his stomach growing tighter. He knew it couldn't last from the start. After all, he was Sun Ce, son of Sun Jian. What was the probability that he was allowed to be with a man when he is the son of Wu's leader? True, it wasn't like he was never going to see Gan Ning again, but it was going to be hard when he was moving to a whole new Wu camp. What if he and Gan Ning moved away and bought a house somewhere...Sun Ce sighed, it was wishful thinking. All he was good at was fighting.  
  
The little light blinked at him, willing him to get up. He still had a long time till he had to take the carriage to the next town and then continue his journey to the East camp; he could lay there a little longer. He breathed in the citrus scent of Gan Ning's hair, wanting to capture every part of him that he could before he had to leave it all behind. He kissed his way along Gan Ning's tattoo and up to his lips. He wanted to leave now before he woke up. He wanted to avoid the tears and most of all he didn't want to say goodbye, he wanted to pretend that he didn't have to leave after all. He didn't want to awaken him from such a peaceful sleep just to bring him back to reality. Sun Ce felt that reality pretty much sucked at the moment.  
  
He sighed and sat down next to Gan Ning while he stroked his hair. His eyes fluttered open.  
  
"Ce?"  
  
He looked up at Sun Ce, rubbing his eyes sleepily.  
  
"Yeah, it's me."  
  
Gan Ning smiled and brought Sun Ce's head down to him gently with his hand, kissing him before lying back down.  
  
"How come you're up so early?" He asked but he knew the answer as soon as the words left his lips and his smile vanished, "...oh..."  
  
Sun Ce sighed loudly, kissing Gan Ning once more before standing up and beginning to pull on his clothes.  
  
"I've got to be at the carriage soon so I better get ready. You'll be there right?"  
  
"Where else would I go?" he asked, echoing the words said by Sun Ce the night before sadly.  
  
Sun Ce pulled on his robe before leaning down to kiss him for the last time before he left the room.  
  
Gan Ning wanted to cry but there were no more tears to shed.  
  
********************************************  
  
"It's time, Lord Sun Ce, let us be on our way." The carriage driver said, sitting at the front of the carriage with two black horses pulling it.  
  
"Just a little while longer...?" Sun Ce asked, looking around nervously.  
  
Sun Quan nodded. Sun Jian was not able to accept the fact, so he was not there to see his son off.  
  
Where *was* he? Everyone but the person he wanted to see had turned up to say goodbye, Xiao Qiao, Da Qiao, Sun Shang Xiang, Zhou Tai, Lu Xun...everyone but Gan Ning. He sighed and picked up his bags, handing it to the driver. The driver walked around to the back and put it inside. Where the hell was he?  
  
"Where's Gan Ning?" Xiao Qiao asked Lu Xun quietly.  
  
"I don't know...he should be here."  
  
Suddenly running footsteps could be heard echoing in the crisp morning air and they saw Gan Ning running up the stone path towards them. Sun Ce breathed a sigh of relief as the active boy ran up to him.  
  
"I thought you weren't going to make it..."  
  
"I, I didn't want to see you go, but I didn't want you going without saying goodbye either." he admitted.  
  
Sun Ce's face was sad, his eyes not bearing their usual brightness. Gan Ning's wore the same pleading look and he held Sun Ce's hands.  
  
"Please Lord Sun Ce. Let us be on our way." The driver said impatiently.  
  
"Well...goodbye everyone." Sun Ce said quietly, turning to where the others stood. He received quiet goodbyes in return. He turned back to where Gan Ning looked up at him, his eyes glassy behind tears that threatened to overflow. He put his hand to Gan Ning's cheek and moved closer to him so that they were nose to nose.  
  
"You remember what I said don't you? We'll meet up whenever we can."  
  
"You mean it?" Gan Ning asked quietly.  
  
"You don't think being in another place could keep me away from you for long do you?"  
  
Gan Ning smiled faintly, leaning forward to kiss Sun Ce softly on the lips before pulling him close to him, kissing him intensely. He longed to keep Sun Ce by him but as he pulled away he sighed, his hands still resting on Sun Ce's waist.  
  
"I've got to go...goodbye Gan Ning." He said quietly and Gan Ning thought he heard his voice crack slightly.  
  
He kissed Gan Ning gently once more on the lips.  
  
"Goodbye." Gan Ning replied looking up at Sun Ce, memorising the hazel eyes which he loved so much and often consumed his soul.  
  
Sun Ce pulled away and the driver opened the door. Sun Ce sat down and the door slammed shut, an old piece of wood, which echoed through Gan Ning's body. Sun Ce's gaze never left Gan Ning's, a terrible sadness in his eyes as he leant against the window, the carriage pulling away. Gan Ning stood there until it had disappeared into the distance, hugging himself to keep warm, as if Sun Ce's absence had taken away all warmth. He felt arms wrap around him and he was brought back to his senses. It was Xiao Qiao.  
  
"Do you want me to get you anything Gan Ning?" she asked while she hugged him.  
  
'Sun Ce...'  
  
"No. I-I just wanna be alone." He said quietly as Xiao Qiao released him.  
  
He turned away from them and walked back towards the Wu camp, still holding himself.  
  
"He's really gone isn't he?" Da Qiao asked, still not believing that Sun Ce had left. After all, she did have some feelings for Sun Ce until the main hall incident. Her heart was completely shattered when the truth was unveiled right before her very own eyes in the main hall.  
  
"Yeah...it's weird. I wonder how Gan Ning's taking it." Xiao Qiao replied, sighing loudly afterwards.  
  
"I know, I feel sorry for him." Da Qiao said, sounding weary.  
  
"Poor Gan Ning..." Lu Xun said sadly, watching the former pirate walk away.  
  
If only they knew that Sun Ce leaving was only the beginning of Gan Ning's troubles. 


	17. Wu East Camp

Chapter Seventeen - Wu East Camp  
  
Sun Ce was bored to death in the carriage. He'd spent the last three hours sitting in a hazy carriage between being awake and asleep, not moving at all or making any sound except for sighing every so often.  
  
He'd tried to cheer himself up a bit but he knew it wouldn't be long until he longed to go back. He already did, but he figured that he might as well have a look at his new home before judging it. He'd heard many things about the Wu East Camp, most of them good. The facilities were supposed to be better than the West's camp and some of the best soldiers were at the East camp. He could make a fresh start where no-one judged him and no-one knew about his past as Sun Jian gave orders not to spread the news out of the main camp...but what good would that be without Gan Ning?  
  
The whole journey seemed surreal and dream-like and he only remembered where he was again. The carriage stopped.  
  
"Lord Sun Ce, we had arrived at the Wu East Camp. I am afraid I will have to let you get down from here. I have to go to the town now and get some food back before dark. I took your belongings and put them down over there. Have a nice day!"  
  
"Have a nice day, my ass..." Sun Ce mumbled to himself as he stood up, his legs feeling numb from sitting still for so long, exiting the carriage.  
  
He shook them, regaining some of the circulation then he walked over to where his baggage was and picked it up.  
  
"Welcome Lord Sun Ce!" a beautiful lady stood there waiting for him, a fixed grin on her oh-so-happy face.  
  
"Whatever.." he said bitterly.  
  
Why was everyone so god damn happy?  
  
'Too many hyperactive people in this camp' he thought, immediately seeing a similarity between the lady and a hyper active girl from where he'd left behind. He had a fleeting thought that if being in Wu's mission didn't work out for Xiao Qiao she could always ask the Wu's ushering ladies division for a job. That brought a small smirk to his face.  
  
He was ushered to a huge garden. He stood there for a few minutes, scanning the garden.  
  
"Lord Sun Ce?"  
  
He turned to stand face-to-face with a man he recognised to be an officer under Zhou Yu. This is the first time he get to see Sun Ce so close.  
  
"Yes, that's me."  
  
"Please follow me, Lord Sun Ce." he said picking up Sun Ce's baggage and walking down the stone steps ahead of him.  
  
Sun Ce followed, wondering what lay ahead of him.  
  
******************************************  
  
The journey was short and when they arrived Sun Ce stood at the entrance, staring up at the huge building that was to be his new home trying to decide if it was bigger than the main camp or not.  
  
"I will take you to Zhou Yu now."  
  
Sun Ce simply nodded and followed while he absorbed his new surroundings. He was led along several corridors and up several flights of stairs to a door that was guarded on either side. The officer handed him his baggage and walked off. The two guards pulled open the door and he walked in to find Zhou Yu busy reading some scrolls. When he noticed Sun Ce he quickly stood up and walked towards him.  
  
"Lord Sun Ce," he greeted.  
  
"Nice to see you again Zhou Yu," Sun Ce smiled. This place was very different indeed from the main camp.  
  
"Have you been shown to your room? Oh no of course not, I have to show you around personally...hmm..." he continued, doing the talking for both of them.  
  
Sun Ce's thoughts changed rapidly and he decided that he would take his opportunity to ask Zhou Yu something that had been on his mind while the man was quiet for a second.  
  
"Zhou Yu?"  
  
"Yes my Lord?" he asked.  
  
"Did Sun Jian state his...reasons for moving me?"  
  
"He did not" Zhou Yu replied with not a hint of concern in his voice "And I don't agree with the decision to move you at all, but that's..."  
  
"...Wu's policy." Sun Ce finished for him, amazed that Zhou Yu didn't seem to question him at the least.  
  
"Exactly. The reason for you to be here is because you have not been here and you are a great fighter." he said grinning.  
  
Sun Ce couldn't help but smile a little at this comment. His childhood friend has always been very supportive of him.  
  
Sun Ce has not seen Zhou Yu for quite a long time especially since he and Gan Ning were together. His shiny black hair was longer and his eyes were shielded under some strands of hair. He wore a long red and gold robe and was open to reveal a dark red waistcoat and a finely toned chest beneath it. Zhou Yu stood by the door with his sword tugged at the left side of his waist, his other hand resting on his hip. Sun Ce must've kept his gaze on him for a little too long because Zhou Yu's lips curled up into a little smile as he took a fleeting look at him before snapping back.  
  
"Is there anything wrong my Lord?" he asked raising an eyebrow and ran his fingers through the strands of hair that fell over his cheek.  
  
"It is nice to see you again my friend and don't be too formal with me again okay," he said.  
  
"Very well... Sun Ce. Since you are not familiar with the environment here, I'd like to show you around and your room as well."  
  
"Sure thing." Sun Ce replied.  
  
"Come on, let's go." he said before gesturing for Sun Ce to follow him.  
  
When outside Zhou Yu turned to Sun Ce.  
  
"So, what do you want to see first? I can show you your room first or something...I know, let's drop off your bag then I'll show you around properly, sounds good?"  
  
Sun Ce couldn't think straight and an answer eluded him.  
  
"Sun Ce?" Zhou Yu asked, concerned with Sun Ce's lack of speech today.  
  
"Of course." Sun Ce replied gruffly.  
  
"Okay, just wondering. I'll show you to your room." Zhou Yu said unperturbed, leading Sun Ce along the corridor and down a flight of stairs to the officers rooms.  
  
Zhou Yu opened the door to Sun Ce's room. Inside is a large room with a compact kitchen and a bedroom with an en-suite bathroom. It was nice enough. Sun Ce stepped inside and walked through the kitchen into the bedroom murmuring "Not bad, not bad at all..."  
  
Sun Ce watched as his friend placed his baggage on the bed.  
  
"Hmm...You must be pretty hungry after your trip. You want to go get something to eat then I can show you around?"  
  
Come to think of it he was pretty hungry.  
  
"Sure." Sun Ce replied.  
  
"Okay then, let's go to the lunch room."  
  
********************************************  
  
The lunch room wasn't too dissimilar to the main camp's and the two friends sat down, Zhou Yu placing his sword with great care on the table in front of him. Zhou Yu then proceeded to take a small bite out of a piece of chicken a maid served before turning his attention back to Sun Ce.  
  
"So, how do you like this camp so far?" Zhou Yu said, his mouth moving rapidly and his chicken waving around frantically in his hand as he made gestures.  
  
"It's good." Was Sun Ce's answer as he picked at his food.  
  
"Right...umm...I heard you got yourself a new tonfa. What type is that?" Zhou Yu said trying to change the topic.  
  
"Mine's called Overlord."  
  
"That is the best of all tonfas, I'd like to see that later. Not that I could use it. I'm happy with what I've got." he said before taking another bite from his chicken.  
  
"Hmm...how were your missions here so far?" Sun Ce asked to put a little input into the conversation.  
  
"Missions were a success" Zhou Yu started proudly, swallowing his food, "I think I trained the soldiers well. Not that I'm big headed..." he added, smiling.  
  
Sun Ce noticed that Zhou Yu's smile was dangerous and a little seductive and the way he looked at people was predatory, as if he were searching for a prey.  
  
Zhou Yu finished off his food and watched as Sun Ce took a bite out of his piece of chicken. The silence was odd to Zhou Yu who thought that Sun Ce was pretty outgoing and he determined to communicate more with Sun Ce. From what he knew of Sun Ce he wasn't quiet at all. He figured it must be what has happened back at the main camp and he don't dare to ask Sun Ce what actually happened, not at this time anyway.  
  
Two beautiful girls walked up to them.  
  
"Zhou Yu! I've been looking all over for you!" said one of the girls, practically trying to perch herself on his lap.  
  
"What is the matter?" he replied, looking at the petite girl.  
  
Sun Ce noticed the change in Zhou Yu's voice. It was considerably softer and the sight of the girl giggling madly was making him feel ill. He watched as she leaned over to Zhou Yu and whispered something in his ear. This secret whisper evoked a dark blush on Zhou Yu's face.  
  
"So, who's your friend?" the other girl asked, indicating to Sun Ce.  
  
"This, ladies, is Lord Sun Ce." Zhou Yu said, gesturing to Sun Ce.  
  
Sun Ce hated the unwanted attention he was getting but looked up at her and smiled faintly anyway. He couldn't see what guys saw in girls, they were nothing but a giggling mass of hormones from what he could see. The girls looked at each other and turned to Sun Ce.  
  
"Forgive us for our rudeness Lord Sun Ce. Please excuse us!" the girls said before they bowed and walked off.  
  
Zhou Yu turned his attention back to Sun Ce who was working his way through the last bits of his chicken.  
  
"Hmm...Nice 'friends' you've got there" Sun Ce commented, his voice rich in sarcasm.  
  
"That girl just told me she really likes me and wants to go out with me!" Zhou Yu exclaimed suddenly, "No wonder they won't leave me alone! I have to focus on missions and not girls..." he ended with a shrug.  
  
Zhou Yu noticed that Sun Ce's food had somehow disappeared.  
  
"Well, you want the rest of the tour?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
********************************************  
  
"Well, if you need anything then I'm just next door, okay?"  
  
"Sure. Thanks Zhou Yu."  
  
"Anytime." Zhou Yu replied, "If you get lost then just blame me."  
  
"You bet your ass I will." Sun Ce replied, smiling a little as Zhou Yu shot him a fake glare before walking out the room.  
  
The slam of the door made Sun Ce suddenly realise that he was alone. He threw his robe onto a nearby chair and placed his battle gloves on his new desk before sitting down on the bed. It had been a long day and he was pretty tired as he pulled off his boots, placing them at the foot of the bed.  
  
His pants soon joined robe on the chair, leaving him in a pair of black cloth underwear. He stood up and looked in the mirror at himself. He was busy taking off his ribbon that pulled his hair together when he noticed a purple mark on his neck. He sighed...he'd been so busy learning his way around the new camp that Gan Ning hadn't entered his mind much but now there was nothing to distract him and being alone in this new place made his stomach tighten into an uncomfortable knot.  
  
He ran his finger across the love bite, remembering his lover's face that was etched on his mind. He took a bath and walked over to a window in the bedroom, looking out into the night sky and he sighed before leaning his head over the window frame. Everyone was so nice here but it was as if a part of him had been left behind, as if something was missing. Sun Ce knew what that something was.  
  
He sighed again, looking up at the night sky. It was so perfect, like the time he'd confessed how he felt to Gan Ning and it made him wonder if his long distance lover was looking up at the heavens too. It took him a long time to fall asleep that night. 


	18. Bitter Pain

**Note: Dear readers, I will have to apologize for this chapter in advance. I love all the characters and if you're a die-hard Gan Ning fan like myself then I might recommend looking away, but then again I'd love you all to keep on reading. Your reviews and comments mean a lot to me. I'd also like to warn you that things seem to go a little downhill for Gan Ning from this point onwards for some time. Please note that perseverance is essential when reading anything I write ^_^  
  
Chapter Eighteen - Bitter Pain  
  
It had been a month since Sun Ce had left and Xiao Qiao could see that time was taking its toll on Gan Ning. If he wasn't training he was sitting by the lake, or in his room, not talking, just sighing and staring off into the sky. The only time he was active was in training. She could even see that his energy didn't extend to missions. He failed to secure his areas in some missions but luckily she managed to help him out and covered it up. There was something on his mind and Xiao Qiao thought she had a pretty good idea what it was.  
  
The only time he was recognisable as his normal self was when the mail arrived, bearing the recognisable Wu East Camp logo. Whenever he'd get one of the fore mentioned letters he would sit down and read it over and over again, a stupid smile on his face.  
  
Apart from when this happened he was just plain depressed.  
  
At the moment Gan Ning was in one of his trances. He stared blankly out of the library window at the droplets of water that clung to the window frame. The bad weather darkened his mood further.  
  
"Gan Ning?"  
  
Gan Ning turned to face Xiao Qiao, his eyes finally registering the concerned girl.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I think" she began, putting the book she was reading on the table, "that we should go out."  
  
Gan Ning looked confused.  
  
"But...I-I'm with Sun Ce-"  
  
"No! No, no, no, no, no! I didn't mean like *that*" she said, her eyes widening, "I meant that we should go out to a restaurant in town or something tonight. All you do is mope about. It's horrible to see you like this. I wanna cheer you up a little. What do you say?"  
  
Gan Ning looked as though he'd rather have his genitals removed without anaesthetic.  
  
"Come on! Don't give me that look. We'll get Lu Xun and Da Qiao to come too, well, I don't know about Lu Xun but...oh come on!" she said enthusiastically.  
  
"You think it'll help?" he asked, doubt evident in his voice.  
  
"Sure! Come on..."  
  
"Okay, *okay!*" he said finally, Xiao Qiao's persistence paying off.  
  
"Yay! I'll tell the others!" she said quickly, jumping out of her seat and running off before Gan Ning could change his mind.  
  
********************************************  
  
Gan Ning too had noticed the evident changes in himself. Usually he's have jumped at the chance of going out for food and a few drinks but now he just didn't feel like it. He didn't feel like doing anything at all these days. He only noticed that he'd been sitting on his bed not moving for nearly an hour when he looked over the window.  
  
The sun is setting.  
  
Xiao Qiao had reminded him *many* times throughout the course of the day that they were to meet at the bridge during sunset.  
  
As he walked down the halls he noticed a few of the looks he got. Ever since he'd proven Sun Ce's innocence he'd got those looks. Obviously Pei Lin had said something to someone because everyone seemed to know about the incident. He didn't know what had happened to Pei Lin after that, but on the other hand he didn't really give a fuck. At first he'd hated getting the looks, the eyes that were constantly staring, watching his every move and the hushed whispers that he could just make out. No one had said anything to his face though. They figured that he could still kick ass even if he was...you know.  
  
He eventually arrived at the bridge to find Da Qiao standing in silence. Gan Ning look around a few times.  
  
"Where are the others?"  
  
"Xiao Qiao's dragging Lu Xun from the library, he seems really busy with his work. They'll be here soon," she said.  
  
Sure enough Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun turned up a few minutes later, Xiao Qiao tugging Lu Xun along by the arm, ignoring his protests.  
  
"We're here! Let's go!" Xiao Qiao said cheerily as they walked towards the town, Lu Xun grumbling as they walked, as the girl had practically dragged him out from his strategy planning for the coming mission.  
  
***********************************************  
  
Gan Ning downed his third bottle of wine of the evening, looking around the restaurant with faint interest. Lu Xun and Da Qiao went off for a walk after eating.  
  
"Isn't this fun?"  
  
Gan Ning sighed. 'Fun? Going one on one with a bear is more fucking fun than this...' he thought.  
  
"Yeah...sure..."  
  
"Stop being so glum!" Xiao Qiao pouted, "You're acting more and more like Zhou Tai every day."  
  
"Come on, I can't be *that* bad." Gan Ning said wearily as he ordered another wine.  
  
Xiao Qiao shrugged and walked off to find the others. Gan Ning looked around a bit more. The restaurant wasn't very full except for a few groups of people who sat around tables, talking amongst themselves. He noticed a few people giving him odd looks.  
  
'Great, is there anyone around here who *doesn't* know?'  
  
He started on his fourth wine, thinking things through. He wasn't very concerned with what the people of Wu camp thought too much. He felt someone tapping his shoulder.  
  
"We're going Gan Ning. Lu Xun's being a total pain in the ass and Da Qiao has to give a lecture to the soldiers tomorrow morning. You coming?" Xiao Qiao asked, looking over at Lu Xun with an annoyed look on her face.  
  
"No...I think I'll stay a little longer," he said dreamily.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be back in a bit. Goodnight Xiao Qiao." he said, smiling faintly as she hugged him.  
  
"Okay, see you later!" she said, and he watched them walk out.  
  
*******************************************  
  
Since the others had left Gan Ning had drunk two more drinks. He could take more alcohol but he knew he should go after the waiter told him that the restaurant is about to close for the night.  
  
He stood up, his legs a little shaky from sitting for so long and walked out into the street. The closing shops lanterns flickered and sent a faint amber glow along the sidewalk. He strolled through the narrow streets, eventually reaching the seaside and towards the small jetty bridge where he sat down, his legs dangling a few feet above the seawater. The strong salty air filled his lungs as he took in a deep breath.  
  
He'd been here a few times with Sun Ce before. They'd just sit there and stare off into space. He could almost feel Sun Ce's arm around him, smell the familiar scent of him and see his profile stand out against the setting sun. But there was no Sun Ce with him now. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he did not hear the approaching footsteps.  
  
"Hey, hey you!" said a rough voice.  
  
Gan Ning turned his head to see a group of five men who looked as though they were in their mid twenties, standing in a line. Gan Ning noticed that one of them was holding a long object that looked like it could be a battle stick or a mace. Gan Ning had the feeling that this wasn't to be a friendly conversation.  
  
"What d'ya want?" he asked standing up slowly, his eyes never leaving them.  
  
"You're Gan Ning right?" Asked a man with short brown hair and several days' worth of stubble.  
  
"Who wants to know?" Gan Ning asked.  
  
"Yeah, you're him. So, you're the pretty-boy from Wu camp eh?" The man continued as if Gan Ning hadn't spoken, sneering at him, "You're the one who's getting fucked by Sun Ce huh?"  
  
"What the *fuck* do you want?" he repeated, his eyes narrowing into slits.  
  
The men edged a little nearer and Gan Ning was suddenly aware of two things. If he moved backwards anymore he'd fall off the dock into the water and that he was pretty outnumbered. He could take on two or three men at the same time but he knew that the odds were against him getting past five, all of who were fairly burly. Gan Ning cursed as he did not bring his sword along, he knew he can win all of them with his trusted sword.  
  
"I think that we'd like to get to know you better." the man with stubble said, a malicious grin on his face, his eyes glinting.  
  
One of the men who had numerous tattoos threw a punch at Gan Ning but he ducked down into a crouch where he turned into a low sweeping kick, which knocked the man off his feet. No sooner had he got one of them down when he was kicked in the back, the heavy leather of the man's boot knocking him over. In an instant Gan Ning had recovered, pushing down on his hands and doing a front flip before twisting around and directing a well aimed kick at the man's chest which caused him to stumble backwards off the dock. There was a loud splash.  
  
He turned back to the see that the tattooed man had recovered. They didn't appear to be concerned about their friend who, by the sounds of it, was drowning. Gan Ning got into his fighting stance.  
  
"Bring. It. On." he said in a calm, cool voice.  
  
"You heard the runt," said the speaker of the group, "get him."  
  
Gan Ning didn't wait to be attacked again and proceeded to send several kicks at one of the men who had shaggy black hair and broad shoulders. He stumbled back then lunged at Gan Ning. Gan Ning grabbed the man's wrist tightly in one hand, his elbow in the other, before sweeping his leg under the man's feet and throwing him over his shoulder, slamming him down hard on the ground. He heard a muffled groan. He'd probably broken his arm or dislocated his shoulder.  
  
Gan Ning didn't hesitate and ran towards the leader before he could control himself, elbowing him in the stomach and punching him hard in the face. The man doubled up, cursing loudly. Gan Ning was pretty pleased with himself, after all, he was teaching these fuckers for messing with him. *Nobody* messed with him.  
  
Gan Ning didn't hold onto this feeling for long though. He turned around and managed to catch a glimpse of a plank being swung at his head. It hit his temple with great force and his mind went blank, his body going limp.  
  
********************************************  
  
Where was he?  
  
He was aware of the strong throbbing pain in his head and a dull ache in his arms and legs. He heard the murmur of voices but they sounded like they were coming from a distance. He dropped into unconsciousness again. Then he felt it, the ache in his head was getting stronger, a timpani bass throb droned on and on in his head. His forehead felt very cold.  
  
Where the hell *was* he?  
  
He opened his eyes a little only to find an unwelcome blur of dull colours that flickered in and out of focus. He closed them again.  
  
What was he doing? Why couldn't he remember?  
  
Because he'd hit his head. Yes, that's what had happened. Something or someone had knocked him out. Good...he almost had it...  
  
He attempted to open his eyes again to find that the fuzziness had subsided a little. He could see that he was on the floor. He could see the wooden strips of the floor.  
  
Why did his body hurt so much?  
  
He tried to move his arms to find that they were being held together at the wrists. His hands felt numb from lack of movement.  
  
"Is he awake?"  
  
Gan Ning vaguely recognised the rough voice.  
  
Where had he heard it before?  
  
Everything rushed back to him at once. His eyes opened wide and he started to struggle.  
  
"Yeah, I'd say so," said another amused voice.  
  
The grip on his arms and legs tightened.  
  
"W...what the fuck are you doing?" Gan Ning asked weakly, his face pressing painfully against the wooden floor.  
  
The men ignored him.  
  
"The little shit gave me a black eye. No-one does that to me and gets away with it." said the voice again and he felt two hands resting on his hips.  
  
"Where's your boyfriend now, runt?" asked the man and he heard several sets of cruel laughter follow this comment.  
  
"Get the fuck off me!" Gan Ning demanded, but this only caused the man to yank his head back by his hair.  
  
Gan Ning wouldn't give them the satisfaction of yelping, so he grit his teeth together. Hard.  
  
"You first?" he heard a voice to his left saying.  
  
The men's intentions became agonisingly clear and Gan Ning kicked wildly, but to no avail.  
  
"Yeah...me first." he heard the man say as he pulled off Gan Ning's sash cloth belt, dropping it to the floor.  
  
The night air was cool against the skin of Gan Ning's lower body as the pants and his undergarments were pulled roughly to his knees. He felt the hands return to resting on his hips.  
  
Gan Ning suddenly realised that he had never been more scared in his whole life.  
  
'Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh *god*...'  
  
He couldn't think straight. He pulled desperately against the hands that held his wrists but this only made the man holding them snigger. There was a sickening crack and Gan Ning felt a sharp pain in his wrist. He'd broken Gan Ning's wrist. He couldn't hold back the scream, followed by weak cursing. He could feel his eyes welling up. This only made the men laugh cruelly again. One of the men ripped off his bells necklace, sending them tinkling on the floor, broken into separate pieces.  
  
The next thing he knew, he could feel warm cloth against the skin of his back and thighs. The rustling of clothing was deafening in the dark room. He froze, unable to move, fear filling him.  
  
'Oh my god, oh god, oh fuck, someone help...'  
  
Pain washed over him in a tidal wave as he was forced forwards roughly, his face scraping the cold floor. A sharp shooting pain ran along his spine and his lower body, threatening to send him back into the inky blackness he'd just emerged from. The scream that came from his mouth sounded alien until it was silenced by a warm hand, muffling it.  
  
"Keep quiet or I'll fucking kill you." he heard the man say between groans as he was rocked back and forth.  
  
Still he continued to scream into his palm, tears streaming down his face. They flowed freely, tears of anger, tears of humiliation and tears of bitter pain.  
  
He could feel the eyes watching him as he was violated and the spiteful taunts they uttered rang loudly in his ears.  
  
'Sun Ce...help...'  
  
The pain of his body being forced didn't stop. He could smell the strong odour of copper in the air and feel the crimson warmth on his legs. The scent of his blood hung heavily in the air.  
  
He could hear the man moaning from behind him and he sobbed harder.  
  
Why were they doing this? Why him?  
  
He began to feel light headed, his eyelids growing heavy as his head fell forward lifelessly. A hard slap brought him back to the hellish reality he was going through.  
  
"I don't want you passing out on us, I bet you're a fine piece of ass." the tattooed man said, a smirk on his face as he looked down at Gan Ning.  
  
Why?  
  
He'd been trying to kick free the whole time but his body was tired and the pain that racked it had crumbled any strength he had left. He just wanted it to stop. He banged his head desperately against the floor, willing himself to pass out. Eventually the merciful blackness came as he drifted out of consciousness. 


	19. Awaken

Chapter Nineteen - Awaken  
  
White.  
  
His eyelids felt heavy and he felt drowsy, as if awakening from a long, deep sleep.  
  
White.  
  
He realised that he was lying down, looking up towards what must be the sky. He ached a little but apart from that he felt all right.  
  
'So drowsy though...'  
  
The white ceiling came into focus. He blinked a few times before he felt a hand on his own, squeezing it softly.  
  
"You're awake."  
  
"Xiao?" he asked, noticing that his mouth was extremely dry from lack of speaking.  
  
"Yes," she said, half smiling before rapidly changing her expression, "Gan Ning, I was...I was so worried..."  
  
Gan Ning turned his head and saw that Xiao Qiao looked like she was on the verge of tears and the lack of sleep was evident on her pale face.  
  
"Where am I? What's wrong?" he asked, feeling Xiao Qiao's grip on him tighten.  
  
"You're in the infirmary..."  
  
"But I - "  
  
Gan Ning sifted through his mind. What he found made his eyes open wide.  
  
"Uh...o...Xiao.."  
  
Gan Ning sat bolt upright, his breathing coming in fast and shallow. Xiao Qiao watched as he put his head in his hands.  
  
"Oh Gan Ning..."  
  
Xiao Qiao sat next to him, wrapping her arms around him. After a few moments she was shrugged away. Gan Ning sat there wrapped up in his white blanket as he rest his head on his knees, his hands covering his face. After a few moments he spoke again, his voice shaking and muffled.  
  
"H-how did I get here?"  
  
"When you didn't come back at midnight I was worried. Da Qiao said that you were probably still in the restaurant but I told Sun Quan anyway. We went out looking for you and..." her voice cracked, "I'm so sorry Gan Ning, I'm so sorry..."  
  
Xiao Qiao could hear Gan Ning sniffling into his hands. He didn't look up.  
  
"Where did you find me?"  
  
"I...I found you behind an old hut near the jetty. I'm so sorry..." she said again, and she couldn't hold back the tears that stung her eyes, "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, so sorry..."  
  
Gan Ning looked up, wiping his face on the blanket.  
  
"It's not your fault. Don't cry Xiao Qiao, I can't take anymore."  
  
Xiao Qiao didn't stop.  
  
"But it is! I was the one who *sniff* who said you should go to the restaurant. I should've waited for you, I shouldn't have left you..."  
  
Xiao Qiao couldn't talk anymore as tears ran down her face. She should've been there, so why wasn't she? How could she let this happen?  
  
She looked over to Gan Ning again whose face seemed as tear-stained as her own. He pulled her a little closer and Xiao Qiao wrapped her arms around him. They stayed there for a long time holding each other; Xiao Qiao sobbing into Gan Ning's shoulder and Gan Ning's face buried into the crook of her neck, his eyes squeezed shut. He pulled away when Xiao Qiao's sobbing had been reduced to mere sniffling.  
  
"How long have I been here?" he asked, wiping his cheek on the back of his hand.  
  
"You...you've been here for three days now. Da Qiao used several potions and herbs on you. God Gan Ning, I only wanted you to have a good time..." she finished, her voice starting to crack again.  
  
"Please, please don't cry Xiao Qiao. It's not your fault. Okay?" he said, feeling that seeing her cry again would set him off.  
  
Xiao Qiao took in a deep breath.  
  
"I-I'm sorry Gan Ning. Listen, do you want me to get Sun Ce to come see you?"  
  
Gan Ning's eyes widened and his face broke into a panicked expression.  
  
"NO! No, no, no, no..." he repeated in a whispered voice until Xiao Qiao gripped his shoulders.  
  
"Okay, okay. But I think he should see you, it might help."  
  
"No" Gan Ning shook his head vigorously, "He can't see me like this...I-I don't want him to know..."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No. Please Xiao Qiao. Promise me you won't tell Sun Ce?" he said, a pleading look on his face.  
  
"Okay..." she said after a few moments, hugging Gan Ning again.  
  
"Thank you." he said, before hesitantly asking, "Did..Did you find them?"  
  
Xiao Qiao looked away from him, not able to meet his gaze.  
  
"Kind of...We got rough descriptions but from what we found they weren't from around here, probably workers from another place who came over by boat. I'm sorry..."  
  
"Okay." Gan Ning replied as calmly as he could, "Xiao?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Could I be alone for a while?"  
  
Xiao Qiao nodded weakly and stood up, straightening out her dress, "See you later. If you need anything at all call for me, 'kay?"  
  
Gan Ning nodded back and watched her leave. When he heard the closing door he couldn't hold it in anymore. He lay down on his stomach, pulling the pillow up over his head to muffle the sounds of his sobs. 


	20. Letters of sorrow

Chapter Twenty - Letters of sorrow  
  
Gan Ning sat on a bench near the library. He was due for one of his counselling sessions but he wasn't going to show up, just like last time. The last session hadn't been too successful when he'd stuck his middle finger up at the councillor and walked out. He just didn't need people to tell him what he was supposed to be feeling and he didn't want sympathy, but that's what he got.  
  
He pulled his dark green jacket together as tight as it could go and looked around idly. He had now taken to wearing a protective armor which he wore over his jacket at all times. He couldn't explain it but being covered up helped him feel a little less vulnerable.  
  
The looks he got were cutting through him, just like when people found out about him and Sun Ce before, but this time Sun Ce wasn't there for support. He knew the Wu forces was a close community but how did everyone know? It made him sick at himself and he had a constant feeling of nausea.  
  
He sighed. He didn't have anything to do, just like yesterday and the day before. He'd left the infirmary two days ago when he first woke up and Sun Quan had given him a month off. He should have been out celebrating, what with it being the second day of summer. His birthday.  
  
He'd received several birthday wishes and Xiao Qiao had bought him a pair of black fingerless gloves, which looked similar to the ones he used in battles, but he could wear them casually. He accepted them but he couldn't help but wonder if they were bought partly out of her feeling of guilt. Xiao Qiao hadn't done anything at all though as far as he was concerned, no matter what she thought.  
  
He bought some wine and brought it to his room to drink. He knew he shouldn't drink but stress had eaten away at him and he needed something to keep him from going crazy.  
  
'Does Sun Ce even know it's my birthday?'  
  
He sighed. He wished Sun Ce were here. He wanted to see him so badly, but if he knew that if he saw him he'd feel...well, dirty. He didn't want Sun Ce to know what had happened but he couldn't lie to Sun Ce, never to Sun Ce.  
  
"Gan Ning, you should not drink. It's bad for you at your current condition!"  
  
Gan Ning turned to see Huang Gai waving his arms frantically at him from far and although Gan Ning couldn't see his face properly he was sure it was angry.  
  
"Fine, fine!" Gan Ning said back, equally as angry, throwing the bottle of wine out of the window.  
  
Huang Gai seemed satisfied and walked off.  
  
"God damn it, Huang Gai can kiss my ass."  
  
What was he saying? Since when did he have a grudge against Huang Gai who was concerned about him? He didn't need to answer that question.  
  
"Gan Ning?"  
  
Gan Ning felt a tap on his shoulder and found his bubbly friend standing next to him.  
  
"Hey Xiao Qiao." He said wearily.  
  
Usually this lack lustre behaviour would earn him a playful punch on the shoulder and a little pout but Xiao Qiao only smiled weakly and linked arms with him.  
  
"I don't have a mission today so I thought I'd see you. How are you doing?"  
  
Gan Ning sighed, "Okay I guess. Can we go outside?"  
  
"Sure" Xiao Qiao said a little more happily.  
  
Gan Ning had only come out of his room yesterday, let alone been outside in the fresh air. They strolled out to the fountain and sat on the edge. Gan Ning took his opportunity and took out a bottle of wine.  
  
"Gan Ning...You shouldn't drink that."  
  
"I need something to keep me sane. So far I've only got you and this." He said, gesturing from her to the bottle of wine.  
  
Xiao Qiao looked a little happier at the thought of helping Gan Ning in one way or another.  
  
"Still...Why don't we go training? Or go read up on stuff in the library? It'll keep you busy, and I know how you hate to wallow in your thoughts."  
  
She knew him too well.  
  
"Okay." he said as he stood up, stretching his legs, "But...is the library a non-drinking area?"  
  
He got a light punch for that comment.  
  
"Of course it's not." Xiao Qiao said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him. "Throw it away."  
  
He threw the bottle into the fountain.  
  
"That's not what I meant...But never mind, let's go." Xiao Qiao said and they walked back inside.  
  
*********************************************  
  
Gan Ning wanted to enter his room as Xiao Qiao, Da Qiao and Lu Xun caught up with him. His birthday hadn't been too bad although he'd refused immediately to make a big thing about it. They'd bought a few bottles of wines and invited Zhou Tai, Sun Quan, Sun Shang Xiang and Taishi Ci, which suited Gan Ning just fine. Now, however, he was tired and wanted to continue blocking out reality for a while longer.  
  
"So, you going to sleep?" Xiao Qiao asked between giggles. She'd drunk a lot and was prone to bursting into hysterics.  
  
"Yeah" Gan Ning yawned, stretching his arms above his head before pushing the door open, "I'm gonna get some sleep."  
  
He hugged the two sisters and wished them goodnight before getting wished a happy birthday by Lu Xun. The three started to walk off down the hall as he went inside but before he could close it Xiao Qiao had pushed it open.  
  
"Gan Ning? If you need anything then look for me, 'kay?" she said, her tone of voice suddenly sober.  
  
Gan Ning smiled, "Thanks Xiao, goodnight" he said before she nodded and ran off to join the others.  
  
Gan Ning locked the door and he sat down on his chair. No sooner had he took off his jacket, there was a knock on the door.  
  
Gan Ning opened the door. It wasn't that late but it was odd to have a messenger to give him a letter at this time of the night. He thanked the messenger and closed the door. He tore open the envelope and looked at the content.  
  
Gan Ning recognised the familiar handwriting and it filled him with both joy and a tight knot in the pit of his stomach. He read the letter:  
  
Dear Gan Ning,  
How are you?  
  
'I've never felt more sick at myself and I want to curl up and die...' Gan Ning thought to himself.  
  
I wrote this to wish you Happy Birthday. I am so sorry I couldn't make it down there.  
  
I was thinking that maybe I could go and see you at the end of summer.  
  
I miss you very much. I will be there in the evening. What do you think?  
Please reply me as soon as possible.  
  
Love,  
Sun Ce  
  
Gan Ning smiled weakly despite himself. He wanted to see Sun Ce...but not yet, he couldn't. Not until he could come to terms with it all himself.  
  
Gan Ning picked up a paper and a writing brush. He began to write:  
  
Dear Sun Ce,  
I don't think it's a good idea for you to come and see me. It's just not a good time for me.  
I've got a lot on my mind at the moment. I just have things that I need to do, I need some  
time to be alone.  
  
Love,  
Gan Ning  
  
The next four days, there was a reply from Sun Ce:  
  
Dear Gan Ning,  
How come? What's wrong? Is it something that I've done wrong?  
Please tell me. I need to know.  
  
Love,  
Sun Ce  
  
The letters continue to go back and forth between Wu's main camp and the East camp for a month, as each one getting shorter, more intense with disappointments and anger:  
  
Sun Ce,  
I just need some space. I have too many things in my mind.  
  
Gan Ning,  
What space do you need? I'm a whole fucking state away! How much more space do  
you need?! This is going nowhere, tell me what is in your mind. PLEASE!  
  
Sun Ce,  
Look, I can't see you for a while, I don't *want* to see you for a while.  
Can't you just understand that?  
  
Gan Ning,  
You don't want to see me?  
Whatever. Have all the fucking space you need.  
I won't bother you any more until you tell me what's wrong.  
  
That was the last of the series of letters. Gan Ning stood there looking at the last letter until he came out of his trance. He put down the letter and noticed that his palms were covered in cold sweat and his breathing was a little shallow.  
  
He sat down slowly and tried to work out why he'd just shunned Sun Ce.  
  
'Okay, you and Sun Ce had your first fight as a couple. No big deal, you can work this one out...god, where's Xiao Qiao?!" he thought frantically.  
  
********************************************  
  
It was past midnight and he'd spent the last few hours running through the letters to Xiao Qiao and it hadn't really got him anywhere.  
  
"So he sounded pissed off?"  
  
"Look at how he replied, of course he's pissed off." He put his head in his hands, "Fuck, what am I gonna do Xiao Qiao?"  
  
"I think" Xiao Qiao said trying to keep her head up, "that you should leave him for a bit until you've both cooled down. You didn't *mean* to sound angry, did you?"  
  
"Not at all!" He said looking up at her, "I just didn't want him to see me right now...well, part of me doesn't anyway. I need him here but I don't want to see him. God, how fucked up is this?"  
  
Xiao Qiao leaned over and hugged him lazily.  
  
"Try not to worry about it, just get some rest and I'll help you figure something out in the morning, I'm feeling a little sleepy right now."  
  
Gan Ning nodded, rubbing his eyes sleepily "Okay. Thanks for listening."  
  
"Anytime Gan Ning." Xiao Qiao said, standing up and kissing him on the forehead before walking out of the room.  
  
Gan Ning removed his clothes and got into bed and light up a candle on the table by the bed. He didn't want to get wrapped up in the darkness that haunted his dreams. 


	21. Temptation Awaits

Chapter Twenty-One - Temptation Awaits  
  
Nothing. No letter, no messenger, not one fucking sign of his existence at all and Sun Ce was sick of it. Why hadn't he replied at least? Why didn't he want to see him?  
  
Sun Ce sighed as he sat up in bed.  
  
'Too many questions.'  
  
He stood up slowly, letting the blankets fall to the ground in a tangled heap. He walked over to his chest of drawers and pulled out his clothing for the day, not even checking to see what it was, before dressing and slipping on his red robe, walking past the mirror without checking his reflection as he usually did. He walked into the kitchen and boiled some chicken eggs in a pot before looking around for a bowl.  
  
It had been a month since he and Gan Ning had 'argued' through the letters and Sun Ce had come to one conclusion; Gan Ning had left him. He had given him the brush off and Sun Ce found that he wasn't too surprised by it after all, because when was he allowed to be happy? What made him think that a long distance relationship would work? Gan Ning was probably seeing someone right now, sleeping with someone else *right* now...  
  
He heard the sound of boiling water in the pot and picked up one of the eggs. It was very hot.  
  
"Fuck!" It burnt his fingers and he threw it frustrated against the wall before balling up his fists and trying to stay calm.  
  
His mood had been very temperamental all month and he was quickly retracting back into the shell he had once hidden himself inside; arrogant, deadly cold and unaffected by anything. The smallest things could set him off though, this egg incident being one of them. When he had regained his composure he calmly took out the other eggs and placed it on a plate to peel out the shells.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
"Are you busy Sun Ce?"  
  
Sun Ce didn't even bother acknowledging Zhou Yu's entrance. He'd become so used to him dropping in and out of his room that he'd become like a roommate.  
  
Zhou Yu ignored the regular silence and sat on a chair behind Sun Ce.  
  
"Sun Ce, are you coming for training today?"  
  
Sun Ce shrugged and laid his new batch of eggs onto the plate before starting to mashed it.  
  
"Sun Ce" Zhou Yu began, moving off the chair so that he was standing behind Sun Ce, "you've been acting pretty stressed recently, what is the matter?"  
  
'Everything'  
  
"Nothing." Sun Ce replied coldly.  
  
"Sun Ce, I can tell when you're lying. We have known each other for too long for you to fake it. You can tell *me*." he said, smiling as he looked over Sun Ce's shoulder.  
  
"Just drop it, okay?" Sun Ce replied gruffly.  
  
Zhou Yu had a gift. It may not have helped save the world or cure famine but it was a gift to *him* non the less. He could tell when someone like Sun Ce was vulnerable, and right now Sun Ce was reeking of it.  
  
His dark brown eyes gave off a distinct glimmer as he moved a little closer to him.  
  
"Hmm..." Zhou Yu said, his hands moving around Sun Ce's waist so they were resting on his abdomen, "Problems with Gan Ning eh?"  
  
There was a loud noise of struck wood as Sun Ce's big wooden spoon fell from his hand and clattered to the floor. His hands now had Zhou Yu's wrists in a firm grip.  
  
"What the *fuck* are you talking about?" Sun Ce asked in a deadly voice tinged with anger.  
  
"Sun Ce, I know a *lot* more about you than you know about me.." he breathed into Sun Ce's ear, and without realising it Sun Ce's grip loosened a little, just enough for one of Zhou Yu's hands to go back to stroking him just above his sash belt, "You know Sun Ce, I've been watching you and Gan Ning at the main camp, you like Gan Ning since years ago..."  
  
Sun Ce couldn't move. Perhaps he didn't want to.  
  
"I hate seeing you so stressed out, you've been moody ever since you got here" Zhou Yu continued in a syrupy voice. Deep down inside, Zhou Yu was jealous of Gan Ning. He was secretly hiding his affection for Sun Ce. He never really showed it because he knows Sun Ce *likes* Gan Ning and not *him*. He was treated just like a brother to Sun Ce, that's all.  
  
"I...what are you trying to do Zhou Yu...?" Sun Ce said weakly and unconvincingly.  
  
"Lighten up, I just want help you out a bit" Zhou Yu said and suddenly Sun Ce could feel his sash belt being undone.  
  
Sun Ce's hands were back in the harsh death grip they were before, stilling Zhou Yu's wandering ones.  
  
"Zhou Yu, don't..."  
  
"Don't worry Sun Ce, you could use it... I just wanna help you, to release your stress."  
  
Sun Ce's thoughts were clouded and he voiced one of the many questions he wanted to ask.  
  
"But I thought you were-"  
  
"-Straight? I did told you I used to have a girlfriend and couple of dates before... but I don't think I specified." Zhou Yu said coolly before kissing Sun Ce's neck lightly, just long enough for Sun Ce to stifle a small moan.  
  
"I like girls...but... I don't mind a boy as well... I don't mind *you* Sun Ce" he continued softly, and although Sun Ce couldn't see his face he was sure it was bearing his usual seductive grin as his hand slipped past the waistband of Sun Ce's pants.  
  
How long had it been since he'd been touched like this? Too long...*way* too long. He couldn't help but rock slightly into the Zhou Yu's hand.  
  
"Sun Ce, actually, I've had my eye on you for quite a long time." Zhou Yu carried on conversationally as he moved his hand in a slow rhythm, his body pressing into Sun Ce's back as he kissed down one side of Sun Ce's neck and then moved across to the other, repeating the action.  
  
Sun Ce rest his hands onto the countertop in front of him, holding himself up as Zhou Yu sent warm waves through his body. It felt so good, the ache that had been building up all this time was melting away with each stroke and his mind concentrated on nothing but what Zhou Yu was doing to him, the sparks of long lost pleasure flickering through his veins.  
  
He was aware that Zhou Yu's left hand was making lazy patterns across the grooves of his chest and that his robe had come partially open, while his right was moving in a definite rhythm, his fingers skilled and experienced.  
  
"Nnn...!"  
  
"Does that help?" Zhou Yu crooned in one ear, "Sun Ce, I want to *ease* the pressure from you. I don't want to see you in pain anymore." He accentuated the word ease by pulling back a little harder, causing Sun Ce's hips to buck involuntarily, letting out a low groan as leant his head back onto Zhou Yu's shoulder.  
  
"Mmm...I thought so," he said triumphantly as he increased the tempo of his moving hand.  
  
"You know, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on," Zhou Yu breathed against the flushed skin of Sun Ce's neck, his lips curling into devilish smile "or a good *partner*" he added as an afterthought, "then I'm always here."  
  
He got a quiet moan in response.  
  
"Ce?"  
  
"...Unh..."  
  
"Fuck me." he whispered into Sun Ce's ear, nipping on it lightly.  
  
Sun Ce blocked out all rational thought. Fuck Gan Ning, Gan Ning had left *him*, and here was Zhou Yu offering himself. It may not have been the smartest decision but with Zhou Yu slowly driving him towards the brink it seemed like a damn good one.  
  
He pulled the hand that was stroking him away from the fire that burned between his legs and turned to face Zhou Yu. Before he knew it their mouths were locked in a fierce kiss as he tangled his fingers in Zhou Yu's hair, Zhou Yu's hands knotting inside his robe. Zhou Yu tasted of cinnamon mixed with honey and his tongue slicked against his own, teasing him.  
  
When they pulled apart he found that his hands were already fumbling with Zhou Yu's belt but they were brushed away abruptly as Zhou Yu pulled it off in a matter of seconds before dumping it on the floor. His outer red robe and other garments on his lower body soon joined them, all except his boots. Sun Ce briefly wondered why Zhou Yu would want to offer his body to him, but he just don't care at this point.  
  
They locked into another strong embrace and stumbled back so that Zhou Yu was up against the wall. Sun Ce's hand moved inside Zhou Yu's inner robe and slid around to his backside and he received a "mmm" of approval from Zhou Yu, before running it up his thigh and lifting Zhou Yu's leg up so it was resting at his hip. He repeated the process with the other leg until both of them were wrapped around his waist and Zhou Yu's back was pressed against the cold wall. He looked up into the Zhou Yu's face and looked into those eyes. They were looking back at him intently, restless with lust and anticipation.  
  
In one smooth movement Sun Ce thrust up into him and he heard a loud throaty moan come from above. His legs nearly buckled with the immense feeling of it all as he did it again, his movements almost violent in their intensity. Zhou Yu's grip on him was so tight that he thought his skin might bruise but it didn't matter as he pushed harder, even more forcefully.  
  
"Mmm..ah!...Sun Ce...harder..." was the muffled moan that he received from Zhou Yu whose face was buried into his shoulder.  
  
All his pent up aggression was flowing through him, out of him, all the frustration and anger driving his body on.  
  
"Ah, Nnn...Sun Ce!" Zhou Yu threw his head back against the cold surface.  
  
Sun Ce felt his grip tighten just a little more and felt the warm rush across his chest. Still he carried on, breathing into Zhou Yu's neck until the sensations overwhelmed him and he came too. Everything shifted, his anger melted and he felt a great weight lifting from his body and mind. He had to press one hand against the wall to keep himself standing, his other holding Zhou Yu up.  
  
He stayed there with Zhou Yu's body trapped against his, panting for air until he heard a small laugh in-between ragged breaths.  
  
"Sun Ce...that was great...yeah..."  
  
Slowly he moved back and Zhou Yu put his feet back down on the ground, his legs a little shaky. He watched as he straightened his messy hair with his fingers and bent down to pick up the clothes he'd removed, wearing them back.  
  
"Sorry about the mess." Zhou Yu said eyeing the mess he'd made with some amusement.  
  
'Why is Sun Ce not saying anything...? Oh...I think he must've felt that he needs to be responsible with this.' Zhou Yu sighed. He didn't want anything in return from Sun Ce. All he wanted was to make Sun Ce happy.  
  
"Don't worry about me Sun Ce. You should get clean up and...I will meet you at the training area later." he said as casually as if he'd just asked to borrow a book, and then patted Sun Ce on the shoulder before exiting the room.  
  
Sun Ce was left looking at the wall; his pants pulled down to his knees and with one question left in his confused mind.  
  
'What the *fuck* just happened?' 


	22. Sleepless

Chapter Twenty Two - Sleepless  
  
The laughing. The faces. He could see them now as clearly as he could see them then only their faces were more twisted, contorted into leering demons. His body ached; remembering previously inflicted pain, wounds that would never truly heal.  
  
"Where's you're boyfriend now, runt?"  
  
He reached his arm across and found nothing; that he was clawing at nothing but his bed sheets. Gan Ning sat up hastily, his breathing fast and shallow and his whole body bathed in cold sweat. Of course there was nothing there, Sun Ce wasn't there, but it was his instinct and every time he reached over and found nothing it made him feel emptier and emptier.  
  
How many times had he woken up tonight already? Five, he'd woken up at least five times now.  
  
He pressed his head into the palm of his hand and noticed belatedly that he was shaking. God, why couldn't he just deal with it? Why did he have to drag out this depression? It had been roughly a month since he'd stopped speaking to Sun Ce and instead of giving him space it just made him need Sun Ce more. He had the faintest hope that he'd just wake up and he'd be there, even if it only happened once, just once would be enough.  
  
Gan Ning stood up and tossed the mangled sheets back onto the bed before getting up and sat on a chair. He'd left all the candle lights lit in his quarters since he'd grown to hate the darkness and cursed himself repeatedly for acting so childish. He thought he'd grown out of stuff like that years ago...god, how he wished he was not like that. Before he knew it he was heading towards Xiao Qiao's room.  
  
Gan Ning knocked on the door of her room.  
  
"Who is it?" came a tired voice, which was followed by a loud, drawn out yawn.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Gan Ning? Is that you?"  
  
"...Yeah..."  
  
"Humm..." Xiao Qiao murmured, and Gan Ning could hear her stretching out, her blankets rustling, she got up and opened the door.  
  
"What's wrong Gan Ning? Can't sleep again?"  
  
"Yeah...God, what's wrong with me Xiao? Why is this still eating me up?" he said sounding angry with himself.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with you" she replied sounding a lot more awake, "You've been through a *lot* Gan Ning. I'm sure as hell I couldn't cope."  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"Seriously, you're *such* a strong person, but if you ever need a little reassurance then I'm here, right?"  
  
"Thank you" Gan Ning said gratefully, a faint smile on his face.  
  
"Sure, what are friends for eh?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Anything you wanna talk about?"  
  
"Well..." he searched through his mind. Where to start? There was so much he was keeping inside already that it was hard to know what to let out, "I...I miss Sun Ce..."  
  
"...Yeah, I know you do."  
  
"God! I miss him so much it fucking *hurts* Xiao Qiao." He said just noticing that his eyes were welling up as he spoke, "I *need* him."  
  
"Gan Ning, you don't *need* him, you *miss* him. I do reckon that you should talk to him though, it would help I'm sure."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, why don't you go and visit him? I'll-" she yawned loudly before continuing, "-help you organise it in the morning hmm?"  
  
"Yeah...thanks Xiao Qiao, I'm sorry for waking you up."  
  
"S'fine sweetie. I'm glad I could help."  
  
"Thanks, you did. Goodnight."  
  
"Night sweetie." She said, her voice sleepy again.  
  
He walked out of the room slowly. It actually *had* helped him to talk to Xiao Qiao, even though he would have doubted it. He went back into his room and watched the flickering candle lights until he eventually drifted off. 


	23. Zhou Yu's Confession

Chapter Twenty-Three - Zhou Yu's Confession  
  
Sweat glistened across Zhou Yu's forehead as he panted feverishly into the scarf that gagged him. He would've clawed at the covers but his hands were bound at his back by his sash belt.  
  
After getting complaints from soldiers in the surrounding dorms about 'odd screaming noises' Sun Ce had decided that they'd better do something about Zhou Yu's inability to keep quiet and therefore had effectively silenced him.  
  
"Mmf! Nmmmm..." came the muffled moaning from behind the thick cloth.  
  
Sun Ce barely heard it though as he steadied himself by holding tightly onto Zhou Yu's waist, his other hand gripping his long black hair. Zhou Yu had always had the suspicion that Sun Ce would be more of a taker than a giver, not that he minded, although his position right now was a little demeaning; bound and gagged like a stuffed turkey. This brought a sly smile to his face before it was washed away by an incoming wave of pleasure as Sun Ce thrust in harder and deeper.  
  
"Ummfh!"  
  
He couldn't hold it in any longer, he'd been bordering on climax for a while now and Sun Ce's increasingly violent thrusts were all he could take. He came with a muffled scream that turned into a low growl as Sun Ce continued to rock into his body, his face pressing against the cushions. Sun Ce soon followed suit, panting as he bathed in the afterglow.  
  
He hastily withdrew and stood up shakily, bending down to retrieve his robe from the floor before pulling it around himself. His attention was brought back to Zhou Yu when he heard a muffled sound of frustration. He turned to see Zhou Yu looking up over his shoulder at him, a pleading look in his eyes as he tried to undo his restraints to no avail.  
  
Sun Ce smirked, eyeing Zhou Yu's position with some amusement.  
  
"I *really* like that position..."  
  
Zhou Yu shot him a nasty look. Sun Ce walked back over to the bed and undid the double knot he'd made in the tie allowing Zhou Yu use of his hands. Zhou Yu turned over onto his back and pulled the scarf away from his mouth before throwing it across the room.  
  
Sun Ce found it amusing that the first thing Zhou Yu did was put on his robe and wanted to walk out of the room.  
  
Sun Ce and Zhou Yu had had an unspoken agreement ever since their first time three weeks previously. Sun Ce would wake up, go to training and be depressed, and then he'd come back to his room and fuck Zhou Yu senseless. It was a way of letting out his frustration and Zhou Yu was a willing recipient of it, never complaining. It was casual sex, nothing more. It was like before, Sun Ce thought, before he'd been with Gan Ning. Zhou Yu was just like one of those faceless strangers, not asking for anything but providing a small measure of comfort.  
  
Maybe he wanted something more from him. Maybe that's why he felt so empty.  
  
"Zhou Yu?"  
  
"Hmm?" was Zhou Yu's unconcerned reply as he stopped behind the closed door.  
  
"Do you...think this is going anywhere?"  
  
This question made Zhou Yu turned and looked at him, raising his eyebrow.  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"It's just that I..." he trailed off.  
  
"It's just that you...?" Zhou Yu encouraged, trying to get the rest of the sentence out of him.  
  
"It's just that I don't think I'm in love with you." Sun Ce said finally, his voice faltering slightly at the end.  
  
Zhou Yu simply shrugged and looked away, feeling uneasy for a moment, disappointed actually.  
  
"And I don't love you Sun Ce, your point is?" he lied.  
  
Sun Ce blinked. Then what was the point of this ongoing relationship?  
  
"You don't love me?"  
  
"To be honest with you Sun Ce, I have feelings for you...but I guess... I don't love you in the sense that I'd want to have your babies." Sun Ce gave him an odd look, "If I *could* I mean..." Zhou Yu continued.  
  
"So...why are we doing this?"  
  
"You need it and I'm not seeing anyone. At least that's what I thought-"  
  
"-But I..." Sun Ce sighed, "I'm still in love with Gan Ning..."  
  
"I knew that." Zhou Yu replied shortly.  
  
"Then...why were you letting me-"  
  
"-It's simple." Zhou Yu interrupted hastily, "I did it only for you... for you to forget the sadness inside..."  
  
Sun Ce looked at him. He couldn't help it but he was feeling guilty inside.  
  
Zhou Yu noticed Sun Ce's gaze and continued, "Well, don't feel guilty about it because I am willing to do anything for you Sun Ce."  
  
Sun Ce didn't know how to react to this comment, whether to feel revolted or to feel sorry for him.  
  
"Zhou Yu... I'm so sorry... I."  
  
Zhou Yu narrowed his eyes a little at him and smiled lightly.  
  
"Shhh... you don't owe me anything." Zhou Yu said as he pressed a finger at Sun Ce's lips.  
  
Sun Ce just couldn't react at the moment. To Sun Ce there were two types of sex. There was fucking, which was a purely physical thing with no feelings attached, and then there was making love. He sighed. The only memories he had of the latter kind were ones which involved his tattooed angel...only he wasn't *his* angel anymore.  
  
"But Zhou Yu...don't you love anyone else... a girl maybe?"  
  
"Not right now. After I knew something's going on between you and Gan Ning, I..." Zhou Yu's face dropped slightly and his voice became considerably quieter, "...I was thinking about a girl." he said, looking out at the window, "But I'm still waiting for a chance. And while I'm waiting I may as well keep myself busy with you. After all, I really want to feel how it was like to be with you Sun Ce" he concluded, his voice perking up a little.  
  
'So there *is* a romantic streak in Zhou Yu after all.' Sun Ce thought, 'Sort of...'  
  
"Listen, don't worry about it. Until you decide to leave then I'm here, okay?"  
  
"But I don't want to just drop you like a stone." Sun Ce said, realising that he meant it. It was odd realising that he actually cared.  
  
"Don't worry." Zhou Yu smiled up at him, "You're a good person Sun Ce and I'm sure you'll make someone very happy. But that someone's not me. I didn't feel the chemistry or the fireworks from you, so don't worry about it."  
  
Sun Ce gave up. Zhou Yu was a web full of confusion and contradictions and Sun Ce didn't think that he would ever sort his way through it. *He* was the one who had seduced Sun Ce...yet he was being so submissive. Sun Ce couldn't figure it out, but Zhou Yu wasn't an ordinary person after all.  
  
"Fine...I'm gonna take a bath. I'll see you in a bit, okay?" Sun Ce stated as he turned to go.  
  
"Sure thing, I'll catch you later." Zhou Yu replied.  
  
Zhou Yu heard the bathroom door shut. He didn't know why he'd told Sun Ce all that, opening himself up like that. He didn't like to think about Xiao Qiao, and he'd come so close to mentioning her...the only other person that he really love besides Sun Ce. It stung when he thought about her and how she was all over Gan Ning over the past few months. He was wondering why the two would prefer the loudmouthed pirate Gan Ning rather than him, the charming Zhou Yu, who many girls and even boys lusted.  
  
'Whatever... '  
  
He fixed his charisma and bravado back into place before leaving the room and walked down to his room. The only sound remaining in Sun Ce's room was the running water from the bathroom. 


	24. Scattered Roses

Chapter Twenty-Four - Scattered Roses  
  
"...Sword?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Bags?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Anything else you might forget?"  
  
Gan Ning laughed at Xiao Qiao's comment.  
  
"Yeah, I've gone through your check list three times, I've got everything but the kitchen sink...I think I might *just* be ready to go now, besides, the carriage's leaving soon."  
  
"Okay, good! I'm so happy...You've got to send me a letter as soon as you get there okay? I wanna know how surprised Sun Ce is, okay?"  
  
"Okay, okay!...But are you sure that he'll appreciate me visiting him without warning?"  
  
Xiao Qiao looked a little cross.  
  
"Of *course* he will! He hasn't seen you in ages. I bet he'll love it!"  
  
Gan Ning's smile matured into his trademark maverick grin. Xiao Qiao hadn't seen that look in a *long* time.  
  
"Heh, I hope so."  
  
"Now hurry before the carriage goes off without you!" Xiao Qiao scolded, pushing him into the carriage.  
  
Gan Ning hopped up the carriage, his bags hanging lazily from one arm, his other hand holding his sword. He smiled at Xiao Qiao once more and sat down. Xiao Qiao was still there, her feet never staying in one place. When she noticed that he was looking at her she smiled and waved frantically as the carriage began to move.  
  
"See ya Xiao Qiao!"  
  
Xiao Qiao was running after the carriage, her legs too short to keep up.  
  
"Byeeeeeeeeeeee....!" was the long farewell that could be heard in reply as the word died away out of earshot.  
  
Gan Ning turned to the front. He hadn't been this happy in a long time. The thought of seeing Sun Ce again made him feel like he was getting back a piece of himself, a piece that made him feel complete, made him feel whole again. If he could just see Sun Ce again everything would be okay.  
  
*********************************************  
  
"Thank you sir, please come by again."  
  
Gan Ning handed over some money to the florist and picked up the dozen roses he'd bought, before turning and walking away from the flower stall in town near the Wu East Camp. Okay, so roses were a bit mushy and unoriginal and all that other stuff, but he couldn't help it; he had an urge to buy them. Besides, Sun Ce had bought him some once before...  
  
Gan Ning sighed loudly. Sun Ce. At the moment he felt so isolated, but the thought of seeing him again lifted his mood so much. It was the only thing that was keeping him holding on, and he was hanging on by a very thin thread.  
  
He stepped into his carriage again. The journey to the East camp didn't take long and Gan Ning felt pretty awestruck looking out at the East camp as he stood outside at the giant wooden gates. Like Sun Ce, this is his first time here.  
  
************************************************  
  
"I am Gan Ning. Is Sun Ce here?"  
  
"Sun Sey?"  
  
"No, I'm looking for LORD Sun Ce."  
  
Gan Ning noticed that the female guard had an odd expression on her face when she saw the roses Gan Ning was carrying.  
  
"Ah, please forgive me general Gan Ning" she said finally looking back up at Gan Ning, "Lord Sun Ce should be in his room. It is at the officers dorm to the right of the entrance hall. His room is the fifth one on the right," she said pointing across the busy entrance hall through the crowd of soldiers.  
  
"Thank you." Gan Ning replied before weaving in and out of the mass of people.  
  
The corridors by the dormitories were quiet and almost deserted Gan Ning noted, and his shoes squeaked loudly on the newly polished marble floor. Just when he thought that he was completely lost he found Sun Ce's door. He knocked once. No answer. He knocked again. Silence.  
  
"Excuse me, are you looking for Lord Sun Ce?"  
  
Gan Ning looked around to see a guy a few inches taller than him with sleek black hair.  
  
"Um...yeah."  
  
"He's probably in Zhou Yu's room." he said, and Gan Ning didn't quite understand the expression on his face but it seemed to be a knowing look, "His room's right next door."  
  
"Thanks." Gan Ning said quickly before walking along a few metres to the next door.  
  
He knocked but there was no reply. This was getting to be a little more than annoying. He pushed the door and to his surprise it opened. He walked in a few steps, not wanting to intrude Zhou Yu's room, before looking around. He was standing in a very small hallway that had two doors leading off it. He pushed one open to find a deserted kitchen. He quickly retraced his steps and pushed open the other door.  
  
The rustling of what little clothing they wore moving across the bed was deafening in the quiet dorm, Sun Ce's hair falling a little out of place and Zhou Yu's bandanna was on the floor. Sun Ce was clad in only his black pants and one of his boots whilst nothing but Zhou Yu's pants remained on the his body. Zhou Yu was hungrily devouring Sun Ce with greedy kisses as he loomed over his body, which was pinned to the bed. The floorboard beneath Gan Ning's foot creaked and Sun Ce's head snapped around quickly.  
  
There was a split second when their eyes met, Sun Ce's face dropping at the sight of Gan Ning's, which bore a look of immense pain. Gan Ning's stomach felt as if it were made from lead, his head spinning at the sight before him.  
  
"Gan Ning?.." Sun Ce asked quietly.  
  
The roses dropped from Gan Ning's hand as he turned and ran out the door, some the petals coming loose and falling slowly to the floor, landing softly, scattered about the stems.  
  
Sun Ce didn't take long to react, getting up quickly and running after him. The tattered roses crumpled at his feet as he ran out, stepping on them. Zhou Yu was left sprawled across the bed, looking out after him.  
  
Gan Ning's eyes blurred as salt water threatened to overflow down his cheeks. He kept running till his legs ached and his lungs burnt and he almost missed the main door. He saw Sun Ce coming after him from around the corner of the corridor. He walked through the main doors. Sun Ce caught only a glimpse of him as he turned. Gan Ning looked back at him, his face crumpling sadly.  
  
Sun Ce ignored the state of himself and ran faster, his boot falling away from his foot as he tripped. He didn't stop though. Gan Ning had come back and how had he found him? Making out, that's how. Gan Ning was running ahead of him into the entrance hall and he pursued him.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Gan Ning ignored the cry of outrage from a female guard as he knocked her off her feet and kept running. He had to get out of here, away from this...  
  
Sun Ce pushed through the mass of people that filled the hall, his heart racing as he scanned for Gan Ning.  
  
"Gan Ning! Wait!"  
  
Gan Ning didn't wait. He ran out, along the path and outside the gates to a stand-by carriage. As the carriage pulled away he saw Sun Ce running out the gates behind him but he closed his eyes, burying his head in his hands.  
  
****************************************************  
  
"Gan Ning? What are you doing back?"  
  
Gan Ning ignored Xiao Qiao's questioning, looking at her anxious face for a brief moment before running past her to the sanctuary of his room.  
  
'Gotta get away...'  
  
Xiao Qiao followed him but the door to his quarters slammed in her face, leaving her standing outside in the corridor.  
  
"Gan Ning! What's wrong?"  
  
She got no response. Whatever had happened had been bad. She'd seen Gan Ning upset before, plenty of times, but never like this. She rapped on the door.  
  
"Gan Ning let me in. I wanna help you. What's wrong damn it?!"  
  
There was an ominous silence that followed her voice.  
  
"I..I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. If you need to talk then come look for me, 'kay?" she said in a soft, soothing voice quietly against the door.  
  
She walked away slowly, looking back every few seconds at the closed door. Her sigh echoed loudly through the empty hallway. 


	25. Killing him softly

Chapter Twenty-Five - Killing him softly  
  
Gan Ning had sat on his bed for hours, tears running down his cheeks, his eyes stinging. This was a million times worse than when Sun Ce had left, at least then he thought he still had him, still had a pillar of hope to support him...but now he had nothing, nobody at all.  
  
The incident in town combined with Sun Ce's betrayal was all he could take, more than he could get through. How could he do that to him?  
  
His memory drifted to an image of them together, Sun Ce's arm wrapped around him lazily but protectively while Gan Ning grinned happily. He wished that nothing had changed.  
  
"I thought you loved me..." He whispered softly and closed his eyes, not wanting to agonize himself anymore.  
  
He was stupid to think that he meant something to Sun Ce and now he had nothing. He didn't mean anything to anyone, not anymore. He'd have trusted Sun Ce with his life and had given away his love without a thought of repayment, although he got it. But now he'd been proved wrong, not for the first time in his life, about Lord Sun Ce.  
  
He stood up shakily and walked into the bathroom, washing his reddened face before looking into the mirror. He looked aged, aged and weary, but he couldn't see his reflection anymore, it was just a blurred image. All he felt now was an overwhelming sadness and a disgust at himself. He was dirty, nothing more than something to be used. Immense anger for himself flared within and he punched the mirror with all his strength, splintering his reflection and cutting his clenched fist.  
  
He staggered back, the pain shooting up his arm as he held it to his chest. He pulled a shard from between his knuckles, dropping it to the floor. He just didn't care anymore. He ignored the searing pain in his hand, blood flowing from the cuts, and inspected the damage done to the mirror. He found himself opening the door to the cabinet where he stored some medicine, looking idly through the contents.  
  
Cloth wraps, wound healing medicine, some herbs ....sleeping herbs.  
  
He took out the jar and held it in his good hand, inspecting it carefully. He'd been prescribed sleeping herbs by Da Qiao to help combat his insomnia but it didn't help much, it just made him drowsy in the daytime.  
  
He opened the top. Would anyone miss him? No, nobody gave a fuck about him. Xiao Qiao would miss him a little if anything were to happen to him...but that wasn't enough to stop him thinking.  
  
There seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel this time, before Sun Ce had been that light but now it had been extinguished and he was alone in the dark. Cold and alone. There had to be something better than this.  
  
He walked into the kitchen, clutching the jar in his left hand while he pressed his right to his chest, his green jacket turning dark crimson, and took a bottle of hard wine out of the cupboard, barely managing to take it with him into the bedroom. A vase smashed on the floor as he placed his armload onto the desk, knocking it over. He fumbled around for a writing brush and paper and sat down as he began to scrawl in messy writing due to his injured hand.  
  
Everyone,  
  
I don't want to feel like this anymore,  
  
I don't want to wake up in the night,  
  
I just want to rest.  
  
He paused, wiping his rapidly filling eyes with the back of his hand and his bloodied hand on his chest.  
  
I'm so tired of being used, but I guess  
  
That's all I'm good for.  
  
He couldn't think of anything else to write so he simply scrawled the word Goodbye messily at the bottom of the page and dropped the brush onto the desk. The paper sat all alone on the polished wood, a few scarlet drops across its surface.  
  
The bed creaked as he sat down, placing the bottle on the table at the side. He poured the contents of the jar into his open palm. There must've been about thirty or forty herbal leaves, but Gan Ning didn't bother to count, he just knew that there were enough. He picked one up, looking at it carefully before placing it in his mouth chewing it down, then another, and another...  
  
He picked up the bottle of hard wine by the bed and swallowed them, the alcohol warming his chest, almost burning it. The bed was soft as he lay down, staring up at the ceiling. Now he could finally sleep, the nightmares wouldn't come back anymore and he could rest. He sighed as his eyelids closed, his head feeling too heavy. It had been so good, back before Sun Ce had gone, was it six months ago that they'd got together? It seemed like they'd been a couple forever...  
  
Before he drifted into his deep sleep his last thoughts were of the secret area, the first time they had kissed. Sun Ce had looked so beautiful then, the moon shining on his perfect profile and the stars strewn across the heavens around them. Despite the anger and sadness that he felt he managed a weak smile, a tear running down his cheek before the darkness consumed him. 


	26. His Tattooed Angel

Chapter Twenty Six - His Tattooed Angel  
  
White.  
  
His whole body felt numb, as if he hadn't moved, as if time itself had sped up and he'd been left behind in his own little bubble.  
  
Was he dead? He couldn't be sure, but he hadn't felt like this before, hadn't felt so free, at liberty from the world he knew.  
  
All too soon this feeling of tranquillity was gone and he felt heavier, aware of the rough material of the pillow against his cheek.  
  
"He's waking up..."  
  
Dejá vu.  
  
He knew that voice. It was a warm, soft voice with a feminine tone. He didn't think he'd ever hear her voice again.  
  
He opened his eyes a little and felt a hand on his own, Xiao Qiao looking down at him. Unshed tears made her eyes glassy and she smiled, although it didn't extend to the rest of her face.  
  
It was then that he realised he was back in the infirmary, just like before, and the events of the last few months became all too real again. He closed his eyes again, shutting out the vision.  
  
"Gan Ning...god, Gan Ning. I'm so sorry for shouting at you before, I didn't-"  
  
She was silenced by Gan Ning, who simply squeezed Xiao Qiao's hand softly. He didn't open his eyes but he could hear Xiao Qiao sniffling. There were so many things Gan Ning wanted to ask and forget at the same time.  
  
Gan Ning coughed before talking "When did you find me?"  
  
Xiao Qiao cleared her throat before replying. "I came to see if you were okay and you left your door unlocked...why did you do it Gan Ning? Why?"  
  
Gan Ning turned his head away from her, screwing his eyes tighter shut.  
  
Xiao Qiao had been the one to find him, laying unconscious on his bed, blood over the sheets and an empty wine bottle lying uselessly on the floor. She was the one who had found the note. She was the one who had watched as he had been taken down to the infirmary. She was the one who had been by his side while various medics tried to revive him and she was the one who had sat by his bedside for the past two days. Although she didn't know how, she was somehow to blame for it all...if only she hadn't shouted, maybe he wouldn't have done it. But she knew better than anyone else that Gan Ning was not suicidal.  
  
"Guess what?" she said, trying to lighten her voice a little, "There's someone here to see you."  
  
Gan Ning opened his eyes and there in the doorway was Sun Ce a pleading look on his face.  
  
"He came to see you and I-I told him what happened...what happened before. In town that night."  
  
Gan Ning shot her a horrified look.  
  
"I had to Gan Ning, I thought he should know."  
  
"Why didn't you just let me die?" He whispered back, turning away from the sight. This was not the reaction Xiao Qiao had hoped for.  
  
"Please don't say that Gan Ning...please..."  
  
He felt a hand on his arm and looked up to see Sun Ce leaning over him.  
  
"Gan Ning...I-"  
  
"Get away from me." Gan Ning said coldly, flinching away from Sun Ce's touch.  
  
Xiao Qiao watched, confused. What had happened on that visit to make him react in such a way?  
  
"Please Gan Ning, don't be like this..."  
  
"Don't be like this?" Gan Ning asked, his eyes narrowing, "After what you've done you think I'd welcome you here with open arms? Get the fuck out."  
  
He felt so angry right now, so used up and useless. He sat up slowly, stepping out of bed and glaring angrily at the scarred blond who he'd loved so much that it hurt.  
  
"It was a mistake Gan Ning, I didn't think-"  
  
"-A mistake?" Gan Ning asked in disbelief, all the emotion he'd try to kill welling up inside him, "So you thought you'd accidentally go and fuck someone else?! I trusted you, I-I *needed* you and you weren't there, and then I find you...find you like that." his voice started to crack, "Get out."  
  
Sun Ce reached out to touch Gan Ning's cheek but he pushed his hand away, tears forming in his eyes again.  
  
"Get the fuck out!" he shouted, swaying slightly on his feet before slumping against Xiao Qiao, weak and exhausted.  
  
"But Gan Ning!"  
  
"You heard him, get out." Xiao Qiao said in a tone so unlike her, glaring at Sun Ce until he went, his eyes on Gan Ning the whole time as Xiao Qiao settled him back into bed.  
  
So that was what had happened. After all Gan Ning had been through Xiao Qiao could finally understand, Sun Ce meant the world to him and he'd shunned him in the worst possible way. Gan Ning was asleep again in a matter of moments, his harsh words to Sun Ce over- exerting him. She sat there for a little while until Da Qiao came in to check up on him and Xiao Qiao excused herself from the room. When she looked down the hall outside she found herself face to face with Sun Ce.  
  
"Let me inside, I need to talk to him." Sun Ce said bluntly, casting a fleeting look at Xiao Qiao before refocusing on the door.  
  
"He's sleeping and even if he wasn't I wouldn't let you in there again, even if you are LORD Sun Ce. You have *no* idea what he's been through do you?" she said hotly, her eyebrows lowered in anger.  
  
"I don't, not until I can speak to him, now get outta the way" he said shoving Xiao Qiao to the side but she reappeared, blocking his path once more.  
  
"I'm not moving. You know what Sun Ce? You don't deserve him, he would've given anything for you and what have you shown for it? You don't give a fuck do you?"  
  
"I care about Gan Ning more than you fucking know, so keep out of our business you stupid little slut." Sun Ce said vehemently, anger seeping into his expression.  
  
Sun Ce did not expect the sharp sting across his cheek as Xiao Qiao slapped him hard across the face. She may have been much shorter than him but right now it didn't seem like such an advantage. He held his hand to his cheek, not sure of what to do.  
  
"Gan Ning said you'd changed and I believed him, but I guess we were both wrong about you, Lord Sun Ce," she said punctuating each syllable of his name as if it were poisoned sugar, "we were very wrong. You and I both know that Gan Ning isn't the type to attempt suicide but something's driven him to it and I know who's to blame here." She looked him up and down, a disgusted look on her face; as if Sun Ce were the vilest thing she'd ever come across.  
  
They stood there a moment, Xiao Qiao's eyes boring deep into Sun Ce's, his hand moving from his cheek to his waist slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry Sun Ce. I think you should go." Xiao Qiao said quietly, "Go back to the East camp." and with that she turned and walked back into the infirmary, her step never faltering.  
  
Sun Ce walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, his head in his hands. He wished that Xiao Qiao was wrong but he knew that every word she'd spoken was true. Gan Ning *wasn't* the type to do something like this...the Gan Ning he knew was so full of life and so happy but the one he'd seen today made him feel such hatred toward himself. He hadn't known about the incident in town till recently, at least that was one thing that he hadn't done...but it didn't make him feel any better about himself. Gan Ning was right, he wasn't there when he needed him and Gan Ning didn't deserve to suffer like that. Before he had thought that he'd lost him even though he hadn't but now he was sure that it was over. What would he have done if Gan Ning *had* died? He didn't know, but he reckoned that he would've joined him shortly afterwards.  
  
He'd travelled down to the main camp on the very same day Gan Ning had come to see him and despite his objections Zhou Yu had travelled with him, telling people at the East camp that they needed a break for "personal reasons", not that Sun Ce didn't appreciate having someone to talk to. Zhou Yu didn't seem to mind Sun Ce's decision to pursue Gan Ning as he had thought but offered help instead, and Sun Ce needed all the help he could get. Sun Ce had opted to see Gan Ning alone...but he didn't expect to find him like that, paler than death and as cold as stone. So very cold.  
  
He'd been in and out of the small room where Gan Ning rests as often as he was allowed by Da Qiao and had spoken to Xiao Qiao a bit, who had practically never left his side...but now she knew. She knew what he'd done and she wasn't going to let him forget it.  
  
Sun Ce knew that he wasn't going to be welcomed back in to see Gan Ning and sighed, standing up wearily before retreating slowly back down the hall, retracing his steps. He'd get through to Gan Ning eventually, he just *had* to. What would he be without him?  
  
He left for his room, seeking the sanctuary of his bed, away from accusing eyes...but away from his tattooed angel. If only he'd paid more attention, if only he'd been there...  
  
There was no use dwelling in the past so Sun Ce carried on walking, thinking through his future and how he could fit Gan Ning back into it. 


	27. When Love and Hate Collides

Chapter Twenty Seven - When Love and Hate Collides  
  
Gan Ning arranged the various swords that littered his desk into some semblance of order before walking over to his bed, picking the covers from the floor, and laying them out neatly.  
  
He'd been living at a house in town outside the Wu main camp for a week now, after Sun Quan had requested that he have leave and they'd given him even more time off. As for Xiao Qiao, she had cried so much, even more than before. But Gan Ning didn't feel sad anymore; he didn't really feel anything anymore. He was just an empty shell of who he used to be. He hadn't been on a mission for over two months now and he felt utterly useless, nothing to do but wallow in his thoughts, murky and bleak.  
  
He hadn't wanted to stay outside but he was no use at the main camp. The only time he'd been out of the house was once when he'd gone to get groceries and even then he'd been given knowing looks.  
  
Those looks he got had become a recurring part of his nightmares now, along with the laughing and the darkness...and there was more to them now, a figure standing just out of reach in the corner, his hazel eyes glinting in the lantern's light whilst his red robe swayed in the slight breeze. Sun Ce. He would laugh too, along with the other men who laughed mockingly, glaring down at him. Sometimes he would stay up all night cleaning the swords he kept in his room or reading something, just to stay awake. So he wouldn't have to dream. The consequences of this were that he'd sometimes feel close to fainting and would doze on his feet in the daytime.  
  
He threw his barely touched breakfast and looked around for a vest. After finding one hanging lazily over the arm of a chair he pulled it on and sat down on his bed, he pulled the vest tightly to cover his chest whilst he gazed out the window.  
  
The town hadn't changed since he'd been a boy, just as peaceful as ever. He used to hang out with his pirate buddies in the town after sailing. But now it wasn't the safe haven it had been then, things were different now. If he looked a little to the left he could just about make out the road leading down to the jetty...  
  
"Gan Ning!" The sudden shout outside from a familiar voice pierced the silence of his room and caught Gan Ning off guard.  
  
He opened the door a fraction of an inch and was about to say that he didn't want company when he saw the girl standing at the door.  
  
"Hello Gan Ning"  
  
"Xiao Qiao, what are you doing here?"  
  
He opened the door and let Xiao Qiao in. Xiao Qiao stood looking up at him, a bunch of flowers in one hand and her other arm outstretched, beckoning Gan Ning into a hug. He smiled at her and hugged her for a moment. Xiao Qiao could see that his appearance was visibly different. He had dark patches around his eyes, his hair was messier than usual and his skin looked pale, his frame getting more willowy and less muscular.  
  
"These are for you." She said, holding out the flowers to him, "A little gift from me and the others from the main camp."  
  
He took them, smelling them before replying, "Thanks, they're real nice."  
  
Xiao Qiao smiled at him as she helped him to put the flowers in a vase and started to arrange them.  
  
"I came around to check up on you. How're you doing?"  
  
Gan Ning shrugged "I've been better." That had to be the biggest understatement ever and Xiao Qiao knew it.  
  
She was unusually quiet, her eyes looking around the room as she pawed the ground with her right foot. She looked almost nervous.  
  
"Um, d'you want to go for a walk or something? It'll be good for you. What d'you say?"  
  
Gan Ning looked very sceptical but Xiao Qiao persuaded him without asking, just with the pleading look in her eyes. He gave in.  
  
"Um...Okay."  
  
********************************************  
  
It was a quiet weekend lunchtime so many of the people who resided in town were at home with their families or enjoying the day off, which was a big relief for Gan Ning, as he wanted to avoid crowds at any cost. Despite what he'd thought he was quite happy just sitting with Xiao Qiao in the shade outside their regular restaurant, sipping on aromatic Chinese tea while they caught up on news.  
  
"How's everything at the Wu's camp?"  
  
"Okay I guess..." She paused for a moment, as if to consider if she should continue, "...Sun Ce came looking for you again. I told him you didn't have the time to speak to him, I didn't tell him where you were or that you're taking time off. He said he is staying at a house nearby and to get you to contact him, not that I think you should."  
  
Gan Ning heard the bitter tone in her voice and thought he may have heard the word "asshole" muttered underneath her breath.  
  
"Thanks." Gan Ning said quietly, and he didn't know why he felt a little disappointed at this news.  
  
"Yeah...I've been awful lonely since you went Gan Ning. I can't really talk to the others like I talk to you, you know? I mean, Lu Xun is sweet but he is always busy, Da Qiao is always attending to wounded soldiers and as for Zhou Tai? I could probably get more conversation out of a plank of wood...so how have you been?" she asked, noticing that Gan Ning's attention was starting to slip.  
  
"Hmm...Okay. I just need to get out of this rut I'm in, I just don't feel like my life is going anywhere." he looked off past Xiao Qiao down the quiet cobblestone lane, a vacant look in his eyes.  
  
Xiao Qiao placed her hands on his. "Whatever you need, I'm here right?" she said, smiling at Gan Ning. He smiled back but his eyes didn't join in. His face dropped visibly as he noticed something behind Xiao Qiao.  
  
"Gan Ning? What's wrong?" She turned her head around and the words barely left her lips when she knew exactly what was wrong. It was Sun Ce.  
  
He was standing a few metres away, his expression softer than Xiao Qiao had ever seen it, but that didn't stop Xiao Qiao from throwing him a dirty look before turning back to Gan Ning and taking his hand.  
  
"We can go if you want, I'll walk you home."  
  
They had both just risen from their seats when Sun Ce started towards them, saying Gan Ning's name to catch his attention, but Gan Ning appeared not to notice.  
  
"Gan Ning, you've gotta speak to me."  
  
Xiao Qiao started to walk off, taking Gan Ning with her by the hand. Sun Ce pursued them.  
  
"Please Gan Ning, just for a moment?" Sun Ce sounded desperate, pleading with him.  
  
Gan Ning stopped. Xiao Qiao looked at him, urging him to walk but he didn't. He simply turned around and looked at Sun ce. There was no use running away from him anymore.  
  
"What d'you want?"  
  
Sun Ce cautiously walked the few steps between them until he and Gan Ning were a foot apart. Gan Ning shot Xiao Qiao a passing look. She got the message and walked several metres away, sitting herself down on a low nearby wall.  
  
"I want to explain myself Gan Ning, I don't want things to be like this anymore."  
  
"*You* don't want things to be like this anymore? And you think that I do?!" Gan Ning asked hotly, his eyes narrowed.  
  
"I'm not saying that, I just want you to hear me out, just listen to me please?"  
  
"What good's that gonna do? Nothing you say is going to change anything. I *saw* everything I need to know." he finished with a pained face.  
  
"Please Gan Ning..."  
  
"Please what? I don't wanna put up with this bullshit anymore Sun Ce."  
  
Sun Ce put a hand on Gan Ning's shoulder. "Gan Ning I am *so* sorry about everything, but I want to make things work, please trust me-"  
  
His hand was pushed away with one fluid movement. "Trust you? *TRUST* you?! How can you even ask me to do that? You have *no* idea what I've been through. You have no fucking clue about what I'm feeling..."  
  
"I will if you tell me, please Gan Ning, I just want to put everything behind us..."  
  
"You want me to tell you?" Gan Ning asked in a dangerously calm voice, "You want me to tell you how they raped me?" He edged closer to Sun Ce.  
  
"Gan Ning..."  
  
"No, you wanna know what it was like to scream out and for no-one to come help me? Do you wanna know how fucking..." he hesitated, spitting out the next word, "...*filthy* I felt afterwards? I refused to contact you because I didn't want you to see me like that but I guess it wouldn't have mattered because you DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK."  
  
Sun Ce flinched slightly as Gan Ning shouted at him. Xiao Qiao jumped a little too. She'd never seen Gan Ning so worked up, but then again she wasn't going to stop him...  
  
"Gan Ning, I do, I care so fucking much..." he reached out another hand and placed it down Gan Ning's cheek.  
  
Gan Ning's eyes widened. That touch had been so familiar that it hurt; it ached that he wouldn't let himself have it again. In a second Sun Ce was pinned against the wall, Gan Ning's grip tight on his throat. Sun Ce tried to prize the fingers away but to no avail, Gan Ning may have been shorter than him but he was kidding himself if he thought he was stronger. After a few seconds Sun Ce gave up, his hands dropping to his sides.  
  
"You don't, Sun Ce...You used me, just like everybody else." he put on a pained smile, his grip never faltering. "I bet you enjoyed it didn't you? I bet you loved the way I told you how much it meant to me after you *fucked* me, didn't you?"  
  
Sun Ce watched Gan Ning's face. It gave him so much pain to see Gan Ning like this, turning him away again.  
  
"Yeah" Gan Ning continued, "I bet you and Zhou Yu had a real laugh over it, building me up just so you can knock me down." His face suddenly turned deadly serious, "Well I'll tell you what *Lord* Sun Ce" he said his name with the utmost slowness, "It worked."  
  
He stared deeply into Sun Ce's eyes, the moment seeming to last for eternity, and then he released him, walking towards where Xiao Qiao sat observing from afar.  
  
Sun Ce rubbed his neck, trying to get his voice back. "I didn't do that at all, I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"Well you did." Gan Ning said bluntly, helping Xiao Qiao up and turning to walk back home.  
  
"Gan Ning, I'm lost without you." Sun Ce said, and his voice was tinged with such desperation that Xiao Qiao had never heard before that it made her almost feel sorry for him. Almost.  
  
Gan Ning turned back to face him one last time and shrugged. "Well, I don't know Sun Ce. I'm sure you and Zhou Yu could work something out. Go buy a map or something." He glared at him and carried on walking, Xiao Qiao squeezing his hand reassuringly, not saying a word.  
  
Deep inside, Xiao Qiao couldn't believed that the other man who was with Sun Ce, was actually Zhou Yu. She did have feelings for Zhou Yu before she was interested in Gan Ning. Besides, Zhou Yu seemed to be really quiet in front of her. She thought maybe he was not interested with her at all but now she knows why.  
  
As they walked off out of sight Sun Ce slumped against the wall, sinking to the floor.  
  
************************************************  
  
"God, it's late already." Xiao Qiao said looking out at the dark sky, "I'd better go."  
  
She made to stand up but was pulled back down onto the bed beside Gan Ning. "You're not going back to main camp on your own at this time of night, stay here, you can tell Da Qiao tomorrow."  
  
"Gan Ning, I'll be fine." But when she looked in his eyes she saw that he was sensitive about this issue. "...Okay. But only if you really don't mind, 'kay?"  
  
Gan Ning smiled sleepily, "Of course not, I am happy about you coming to see me." He yawned, stretching out his arms.  
  
"Gan Ning, you look shattered. Get to bed, I'll go sleep in the room next door if that's okay."  
  
Sleep. It was something Gan Ning longed for and was terrified by all at the same time.  
  
"You can if you want but I won't be sleeping for a while."  
  
Xiao Qiao sighed. There was no way she was going to persuade him otherwise.  
  
"Fine, goodnight Gan Ning. *Please* try and get a bit of sleep, 'kay?"  
  
Gan Ning nodded and waved her off, shutting the door behind him. He couldn't sleep right now, although his body was crying out for it. He had too many things buzzing around in his head, filling all his thoughts. It was going to be a long night... 


	28. As the Moonlight Shines

Chapter Twenty-Eight - As the Moonlight Shines  
  
Gan Ning sat by his window, the only light in his room coming from the candle at the side, the candle's smoke lingering around him in ghostly patterns. It was past midnight and although he'd taken Xiao Qiao's advice and had tried to sleep he kept waking up, so he'd stopped trying. He'd also stopped kidding himself that he could take much more of this loneliness.  
  
Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated? He was aware of the changes he'd gone through. He couldn't remember any of his good memories, he was only aware of the bleak emotionless desert that he was wandering through, which stretched out across the horizon. He couldn't even think about the times he and Sun Ce had been happy, they only reminded him of what he'd lost. Losing sucked.  
  
His stomach growled. He hadn't eaten a proper meal in over two days now and it was showing, his face losing its natural radiance, his energy waning. He reluctantly kicked the covers off his feet and walked across his bedroom, opening the door quietly and tiptoeing to the kitchen.  
  
The light of the candle in the kitchen cast strange shadows across his cheekbones as he looked for some food, finally taking out some leftover sweet potato soup from a pot and rummaging through a nearby drawer for a spoon. Unfortunately several pieces of cutlery fell to the cold stone floor, clanging loudly. He stood still, wondering if he'd woken Xiao Qiao up and then considered if he even cared. As it turned out he had.  
  
There was a rustling from the next room and Xiao Qiao walked through the door, a navy blue blanket wrapped around her, her hair in disarray.  
  
"WhatchadoinGanNing?" She asked sleepily, her words slurring together as she rubbed her eyes.  
  
"Sorry, I'm kinda hungry." Gan Ning replied shrugging, turning back to the stove and picking up the pot of soup, pouring it in a bowl slowly.  
  
"Oh..." she replied, her eyes starting to look vaguely normal, opening out from their narrow slits, "Can I have a bowl of that too?"  
  
Gan Ning turned without a word and poured the soup into another bowl, handing it to her with his spoon.  
  
"Doncha need this?" She asked, offering it back.  
  
"Nah" Gan Ning replied, dipping his finger into his soup and spooning the potatoes into his mouth.  
  
Xiao Qiao smiled back at him. Some of Gan Ning's strange eating habits were still there, no matter how different he'd been acting.  
  
"Couldn't sleep huh?" She asked between mouthfuls of potatoes.  
  
"Nope..." Gan Ning replied quietly.  
  
Xiao Qiao looked over at him and noticed that he was shivering. Not surprising really, considering that he was only wearing his pants and an oversized vest-top, which hung from his slender body unnaturally. He was definitely getting thinner.  
  
"Gan Ning, you're gonna freeze. Come with me." She beckoned him to his room and he followed her in.  
  
When inside they both sat down on the bed, leaning against the wall, and she spread the blanket she had on over them both.  
  
"Better?"  
  
Gan Ning nodded, finishing the last of his potato soup and putting the empty bowl at the side. Xiao Qiao did the same, clutching her knees to her chest for warmth afterwards.  
  
She sighed, "You need to speak to someone, Gan Ning."  
  
Gan Ning turned away, looking out of the window. "What good is it? Hasn't helped me before."  
  
"That's because you never gave it a chance." Xiao Qiao said in a mildly annoyed voice.  
  
Gan Ning's shoulders slumped down on the wall and he rest his head on his knees, still gazing out of the window blankly. "Like it matters..."  
  
She ruffled his hair softly with one hand "It does Gan Ning...it matters so much. I don't like seeing you like this, it's like you've gone, as if you-"  
  
"-Died?" Gan Ning questioned, turning to face her.  
  
Xiao Qiao's gaze faltered and she looked down as she fumbled with the blanket. "Yes..."  
  
"I may as well have died" Gan Ning said bleakly, "I am just a pirate. It's not like I have anything to live for anymore...anyone who cares for me, loves me..." he trailed off.  
  
Xiao Qiao looked across at his pained expression, placing her hand on his cheek.  
  
"You've got me." she said quietly, a strange sad glimmer in her eyes.  
  
This caused Gan Ning to sit straight up, watching her face with some confusion. Why had he been so blind? Xiao Qiao had been with him through everything, ever since the beginning, before Sun Ce had become a main part of his life. She'd supported him, had been there every second he'd been recovering and she had never asked for a thing in return. Not one single thought of repayment.  
  
The few seconds they sat looking at each other, their faces mere inches apart, seemed to last forever. The moon's dying rays illuminated Xiao Qiao's face, making her light brown hair shine and her face glow. She looked like his guardian angel, so innocent and pure. It was Gan Ning who closed the gap between them.  
  
Their lips touched for just a second, as if it were forbidden, until Xiao Qiao leaned into it, giving up everything she had to him.  
  
Just as she always did. Just like she always would.  
  
He kissed back, a little too urgently, his arms wrapping around her, holding her close. He'd had too much pain in the past, too many people betraying him, but Xiao Qiao had never left his side, not through all the time she'd known him.  
  
He felt slender fingers at the back of his neck, running upwards through his short spiky hairs. He did the same, running his hand through her hair with deliberate slowness. If he tried hard enough to imagine he could almost feel the soft dark brown hairs on his fingertips. He could almost smell him, taste the familiar cinnamon. He slipped away Xiao Qiao's robe to reveal her neck and nearly exposing her breasts. He kissed the smooth surface of her neck. He heard a soft moan but it seemed to come from far away. He didn't recognise it; it was like the mewling of a kitten, soft and high-pitched.  
  
He pulled away, inhaling sharply as he realised what he was doing, and whom he imagined he was with. He blinked, his eyelashes fluttering rapidly, staring into Xiao Qiao's restless, confused eyes.  
  
"W..What's wrong?" she asked slowly, her thumb tracing Gan Ning's bottom lip.  
  
He sighed, taking the hand from his face slowly and placing it on his chest.  
  
"I still love him..."  
  
His voice didn't shake like he thought it would, and his whispered words echoed loudly off the walls and ceiling of the quiet room...and around Xiao Qiao's aching heart.  
  
It ached so much to have to back away after that one taste, after striving to be by his side no matter what, just to make him happy. She should've known by now.  
  
'Love knows no faults...'  
  
Not that Xiao Qiao thought that Gan Ning had faults, far from it, but there was always someone who had made Gan Ning's face glow with happiness, his eyes light up that little bit brighter. She could never compare to that someone, but she stayed with him all the same, one thing guiding her on.  
  
Hope.  
  
Maybe a part of her wanted Gan Ning to fall out of love with Sun Ce, but she couldn't stand seeing him so fragile, so weak. It was unnatural. And despite what Sun Ce had done Gan Ning saw no faults, he loved him still...  
  
How could she have thought that things could change? Maybe she didn't, maybe she just didn't want to admit it.  
  
"I'm sorry Xiao..." Gan Ning whispered, his eyes searching for some sign of acceptance.  
  
Xiao Qiao swallowed, chewing on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. She gripped the hand that held her own to Gan Ning's chest, breathing in deeply as she felt his heart beat.  
  
"Don't be sorry." Xiao Qiao said sadly, "after all, you can't help who you fall in love with, can you?"  
  
Gan Ning heard the double meaning to her words. He looked down at their hands, fingers tangled together.  
  
"No...I guess you can't," he murmured, his words edged with a certain finality. His mind was made up.  
  
They sat there a moment, their steady breathing the only sound they could hear. Xiao Qiao watched Gan Ning as he ran his index finger along the soft material of the blanket, lost in thought.  
  
"What should I do?" he asked eventually, his head still hung and his gaze on the soft material.  
  
Xiao Qiao adjusted her robe. She didn't know how she managed to smile while her insides seemed determined to exit her body, but she did.  
  
"Do what makes you happy."  
  
He looked up then. He didn't want to leave Xiao Qiao like this; after all she'd done for him. "But Xia-"  
  
"Ssh..." she whispered, placing a finger on his lips to silence him. "All I want is for you to be happy." And she was surprised to find that she actually meant it, with all her heart. She took in a breath loudly; inhaling and exhaling steadily before continuing, "Find him. Be happy."  
  
Xiao Qiao didn't know what to say as she looked back at him, running the back of her hand down his cheek as a sign of affection. He simply wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. He couldn't sum up everything that he wanted to say, he couldn't find the right words so he said it simply, his tone genuine.  
  
"Thank you, Xiao Qiao...for everything."  
  
Xiao Qiao nodded, her chin resting on his shoulder. She was glad that Gan Ning couldn't see her face as she tried desperately to fight back the tears, but to no avail. One ran down her cheek, glistening in the first weak orange rays of the rising sun.  
  
She may not have him, but he'd always have her. No matter what. 


	29. Under the Stars

**Note: I said I was gonna put up two chapters, but I cancelled the plan and put this chapter first. Just for everyone who kept e-mailing me for updates. Hope you will like this one, and please review. Next chapter to come soon.  
  
Chapter Twenty-Nine - Under the Stars  
  
"Find him. Be happy."  
  
Gan Ning ran Xiao Qiao's words from two nights ago around his head yet again. If only it were that simple, after all, how could he forget what had happened over the last six months or so? But what other options did he have? He didn't want to feel like this anymore, just out of reach.  
  
The sun was setting in town which is by the sea, the seawater reflecting the sun's dying rays. It was an eerily beautiful site to behold, so perfect but deadly all the same. He'd told himself that it was stupid to go walking around town and the jetty as it was getting dark but he needed the fresh air that came in with the tide, despite the painful memories that it brought.  
  
It's not like he'd be there for long, and he had his Sea Master sword with him anyway, a gift from Sun Jian from a year back after the battle of Xia Kou. He walked straight to the jetty.  
  
He sat down, his legs dangling over the dock a few feet above the calm water. He needed to think and for some reason he'd come here. He didn't know why, maybe it was to prove to himself that he shouldn't be afraid anymore, or maybe it was just because it was so peaceful at this time of the evening, since the seabirds were quieter and the sea wasn't as rough.  
  
How could he even begin to talk to Sun Ce? He hated him and loved him all at the same time, but he got the nagging feeling that the later feeling was beginning to grow. He remembered something that he thought Xiao Qiao had said before.  
  
"You can only truly hate the ones you love."  
  
Maybe he'd heard it from Da Qiao or Lu Xun, he couldn't remember, but he did know that it applied perfectly for the way he felt right now. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he breathed out, the warm breeze feeling good across his face.  
  
*********************************************  
  
Things were going no-where for Sun Ce. He was stuck up in his room in the house nearby the jetty, cleaning one of his Overlord tonfa, while Zhou Yu sat on his bed cleaning the other Overlord tonfa." He couldn't take much more of this, not that he disliked Zhou Yu's company, but that wasn't why he was here. He was not on vacation, he had a goal here and he'd decided that it was about time that he fulfilled it.  
  
He stood up, placing his newly polished Overlord back in its case before leaning against the window, looking out at the sunset. Zhou Yu looked up at him curiously and placed the other Overlord in the same case.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Sun Ce sighed, pressing his head against the window frame.  
  
"The usual. What d'you reckon I should do?"  
  
"The same thing that I said you should do before. Go. Find. Him." Zhou Yu said wearily.  
  
He could see the people in town closing up their shops and heading home, leaving the streets quiet, almost deserted. He'd been around town a few times with Gan Ning, going out to get a quiet drink or just to walk in the peaceful twilight. He looked out across the jetty.  
  
He felt so guilty after hearing what had happened to Gan Ning in his absence, and the worst part was that he didn't deserve it, not any of it. He knew how Gan Ning took things to heart and how something like *that* could destroy him. Why wasn't he there to help?  
  
Suddenly his eyes focused on a person, sitting alone at the dock. He couldn't see them clearly but in the darkness he could still make out the spiked brown hair, a bandanna with two feathers and tattoos dancing up the arms. He blinked. Could it be him? He'd take that chance.  
  
Zhou Yu noticed Sun Ce rushing across the room to slip on his outer robe hastily.  
  
"Where ya goin'?"  
  
"Gan Ning, he's there. I've gotta go." Sun Ce said quickly, and without another word the door shut behind him.  
  
Zhou Yu smiled to himself and grabbed a book to read as he heard Sun Ce's boots echoing down the stairs.  
  
*************************************************  
  
It was getting colder now the sun had gone down and Gan Ning considered going back home. He'd thought enough for one day. He was about to stand up when he heard footsteps coming from behind him. He turned, pulling the Sea Master out and holding it out in front of himself defensively, a panicked look on his face. That was until he realised who it was.  
  
Sun Ce didn't say a word, watching the sword intently before putting his hands out in front of him to show that he wasn't there for a conflict. Gan Ning hesitantly held the sword down and turned back to the sea, barely acknowledging Sun Ce's presence, although his mind was trying to figure out what to do next.  
  
"Can I sit down?" Sun Ce asked to the back of Gan Ning's head.  
  
Gan Ning shrugged in response. An improvement, at least he didn't seem determined to smash him into a pulp in this encounter. He sat down beside Gan Ning, careful to leave a few inches distance between them. He sighed loudly, watching Gan Ning's eyes gaze out across the water. He looked so different from how Sun Ce remembered him. His face was paler than usual, his cheekbones standing out slightly more, and he had dark rings around his eyes. His movements were different too, more reluctant and weary. That's not how he remembered him at all; the Gan Ning he knew was light-hearted and energetic. He watched a while longer. Gan Ning seemed to be in deep thought.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" Sun Ce asked, and the question just came naturally. It was something he always asked Gan Ning when he was quiet, since it was an unusual occurrence.  
  
Gan Ning tilted his head just a little towards him, looking from his eyes to the floor they sat on.  
  
"Stuff..."  
  
Sun Ce almost smiled when he replied with his regular answer, which didn't actually answer his question at all. It was almost as if nothing had changed, but then Gan Ning looked away again, down at his feet.  
  
Sun Ce paused. This chance to make things right again was too perfect. They were finally all alone and Gan Ning was finally letting him talk. It was like he was back in the secret area, the stars shining down on them and the scent of exotic plants lingering in the air like rich perfume. He'd taken the chance then and he was going to take it now.  
  
"Gan Ning, I'm sorry...for everything that's happened. If I'd have known-"  
  
"Ssh." Gan Ning turned, placing his finger on Sun Ce's lips to silence him, but he pulled his hand away as if it had been burnt the second the contact registered. "You didn't know, I know that. But you didn't even bother to see if I was alright...You just slept...with..."  
  
Gan Ning's voice dwindled into silence as it grew quieter, and he turned his head away slowly. Sun Ce took Gan Ning by surprise and turned his head softly with his hand so he was facing him again. Gan Ning blinked, frozen as the warm hand caressed his cheek.  
  
"I know, but I just wanna put that behind us. I didn't know you still loved me Gan Ning, I thought you'd left me and I dealt with that badly." Gan Ning tried to interrupt but he continued, "I'm not trying to make excuses. Instead of facing my problems I ran away from them and that's not something I'm proud of. I just want you to forgive me...please? I want to help turn you back into the person you were before...I hate seeing you in pain Gan Ning, it hurts me."  
  
"...I'm hurting too." Gan Ning said quietly, looking into Sun Ce's eyes as if they withheld the answers to all his problems. He had forgotten how lost he could get just looking into those eyes, how detached from himself he could feel.  
  
"I know..."  
  
Sun Ce couldn't believe that he'd let himself add to Gan Ning's pain. Gan Ning had changed him so much, made himself a totally different person, one that he could bear to be...and he'd changed Gan Ning too, but not for the better. He'd strived so hard to get near Gan Ning, and he was so grateful to be let into his life. Then he ruined it. He held his Gan Ning's gaze, and he looked so lost, so very vulnerable. *He'd* done that to him.  
  
Gan Ning couldn't deny it now, staring deeply into Sun Ce's eyes. He loved Sun Ce, no matter what he'd done...and he couldn't get through this depression alone, he needed him. He took a deep breath.  
  
"I don't know if I can forgive you" he started, watching as Sun Ce looked back at him sadly, "and I can't forget what has happened...but I can live with it." He half-smiled, "because I know I can't live without you."  
  
He meant it; every single word and Sun Ce knew it. That was all the forgiveness he needed, and he leaned forward, his face inches from Gan Ning's, holding his gaze until he found the permission he'd been searching for.  
  
Sun Ce's lips pressed lightly against Gan Ning's, and he savoured the feeling of their skin touching for a moment before wrapping his arms around him, a little unsure of himself until Gan Ning did the same, pulling him closer. Gan Ning parted his lips, deepening the kiss and letting Sun Ce take back what was his...and what he'd always have; him. The warmth of Sun Ce's mouth consumed him, warming his whole body despite the cold night air.  
  
Sun Ce's fingers ran through his hair and nothing else mattered but the feeling of Sun Ce touching him, the heat of his body next to his own. He never thought he could be as gentle as he was being right now, Sun Ce's tongue finding his own and sliding against it slowly, the kiss seeming to last forever, and he wished it would. He would give anything just to stay like this for the rest of his life, held in Sun Ce's arms. He finally felt safe.  
  
When Sun Ce pulled away he sighed. He wanted to say something but he couldn't find the right words, but it didn't matter as Sun Ce sat beside him, his arms wrapped around him. He nestled into the warmth of Sun Ce's chest and simply closed his eyes, his tiredness catching up on him. Sun Ce was just as content holding him close. Before he drifted off Sun Ce tapped him lightly on the shoulder, causing him to sit up, looking at him curiously.  
  
"I have something for you."  
  
Sun Ce's hand fumbled inside his robe before he took out a shiny bell necklace and handed it to Gan Ning.  
  
"Just call it a late birthday present, okay?"  
  
Gan Ning held the necklace in his palm, watching as it glinted in the moonlight. Sun Ce took it from him and proceeded to put it up against his neck, fastening it for him. Gan Ning ran his finger across the bells slowly, looking back at Sun Ce. Sun Ce knew Gan Ning has lost the necklace and understood the significance of this gift, how much it meant to Gan Ning.  
  
"Thank you," he said quietly before Sun Ce kissed him lightly on the forehead, holding him close again. Their hearts are on fire once again.  
  
From the window of the house Zhou Yu watched, a smile on his face. It was a nice feeling to see them make up and just sit there, gazing up at the stars. He considered telling them both to come in and get out of the cold...but he didn't want to ruin it. The moment seemed fragile, too perfect to intrude in. He knew how hard moments like that were to come by, and they made him think of the moments he'd shared with Sun Ce. It may have stung when he did so, but looking down at Gan Ning and Sun Ce gave him a little hope. He simply pulled across the curtains and lay back down on the bed, still smiling. 


	30. Two New Beginnings

Chapter Thirty - Two New Beginnings  
  
Sun Ce was packing his bags again, but thankfully this time he wasn't the only one.  
  
"Gan Ning? Have you seen my black robe?"  
  
Gan Ning came in through the door of his room, holding it in his hand casually before throwing it over to Sun Ce who folded it and placed it in his bag.  
  
Gan Ning stood there watching him for a moment, and then he turned back into the next room and finished packing his own bag. The last week had been pretty hard, but it was getting easier with Sun Ce there, and despite how Xiao Qiao felt towards the "dumbass jerk off" as she so colourfully put it, she had helped them pick a place to stay. After all, Xiao Qiao loved organising things and a vacation was no exception. Gan Ning decided that she was the best in looking for a vacation spot for them.  
  
He'd stayed at the house in town, and Sun Ce had stayed in the main camp but they'd seen each other nearly everyday. Sun Ce had explained their situation to Sun Jian and being the understanding man that he was he excused his absence and allowed him to take a month off. Besides, all the main forces of Wei, Shu and Wu were on an alliance against Lu Bu and the mission will not be that soon. Gan Ning took the opportunity to take a month leave too, even though he felt that he hadn't earned it after being out of mission for so long. Sun Jian seemed surprisingly understanding though. It seems that Sun Quan and Sun Shang Xiang confronted Sun Jian and tried to make him understand the situation of Sun Ce and Gan Ning, and they succeeded.  
  
Gan Ning felt arms wrapping around his waist from behind him and Sun Ce's lips kissing the top of his head.  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
Gan Ning nodded silently, leaning back into the warmth of Sun Ce's body. He'd noticed something different about Sun Ce, about the way he acted around him. He spent more time worrying about how Gan Ning was than how he was himself, and treated Gan Ning as if he were fragile. But then again Gan Ning supposed he was.  
  
"Mmm...Two weeks in the sun huh?"  
  
"Yeah" Gan Ning replied dreamily.  
  
Xiao Qiao, never one to do anything by halves, had found them a nice villa in Luo Yang, which lay on the coastline of the Wu area. Maybe things were looking up after all. Gan Ning was sure a week or two away would probably do him good, and that seemed to be everyone's intentions anyway. He knew that they needed to work hard on their relationship, which was far from perfect...and he couldn't quite forgive him, not yet, but he was learning to, and with Sun Ce to lean on it was becoming easier.  
  
Sun Ce noticed that Gan Ning was going into one of his trances, and turned him around by the shoulders gently, running his bare hand along Gan Ning's neck and up to his cheek. Gan Ning leaned against his open palm, closing his eyes as Sun Ce pulled him a little closer.  
  
"Everything's going to be fine, okay?" Sun Ce said reassuringly, brushing away the few stray strands of hair that fell onto Gan Ning's forehead.  
  
Gan Ning smiled, and for the first time in a long while it wasn't forced, it came naturally. Sun Ce smiled back, leaning down to kiss Gan Ning once on the lips before pulling away and looked back up at Gan Ning regretfully.  
  
"We've got two hours till the ship leaves. We'd better hurry."  
  
"Fine." Gan Ning replied, watching as Sun Ce left the room before running his finger across the polished bells that was strung at his neck. Everything *was* going to be fine.  
  
*********************************************  
  
"I'mgonnamissyousomuchhaveasafejourneywritemewheneveryoucan, okay?"  
  
Xiao Qiao could talk at hyper speed when excited, and right now was no exception.  
  
"Um, okay...what did you ask me again?"  
  
Xiao Qiao shook her head, sticking her tongue out at Gan Ning before pulling him into a tight hug. Before she let him go she whispered into his ear.  
  
"Make sure he treats you right, okay?"  
  
Gan Ning nodded silently and smiled back.  
  
Da Qiao had also come along to the jetty to see Gan Ning and Sun Ce off, and Gan Ning hugged her next, making the disciplined young lady go a light shade of red. She wasn't used to much affection and Gan Ning and Xiao Qiao were frequent givers of it and often caught her off guard. Gan Ning heard dull clunking come from behind him and turned to see Sun Ce dragging their bags and weapons up the stone steps. He walked past Xiao Qiao, acknowledging her with a nod. Xiao Qiao simply put on a forced grin and waved back at him. Even Da Qiao noticed the tension between them, but she didn't comment.  
  
Sun Ce walked up to Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao, gave them a hug each. They were shocked.  
  
"I'll see you around ladies."  
  
Xiao Qiao smiled, "Have a safe journey, my Lord."  
  
Sun Ce shrugged "Xiao Qiao, call me Sun Ce okay?"  
  
She didn't know why but her name in his voice sounded strange. He probably had never said much before in his life. Maybe Sun Ce was changing after all...  
  
"Well, we've gotta go." Gan Ning said, indicating to the impatient ship captain with his thumb, "See ya."  
  
Sun Ce was already in the doorway of the ship, hauling luggage onto the ship to their room inside. Gan Ning ran over, picking up the last bag before following Sun Ce inside. From the platform the two girls could see them. The ship started to move.  
  
"Have fun!" Xiao Qiao shouted, and Gan Ning waved back, "Go and get a nice tan for when you come baaaaaack!"  
  
Gan Ning smiled as the platform faded out of view, and he leant his head against Sun Ce's chest, the things in the room rocking slightly with the movements of the ship. He felt Sun Ce squeeze his arm, but he didn't say anything. What was there to be said? It was going to be hard...but they'd get there. Somehow.  
  
***********************************************  
  
Xiao Qiao waved her arms frantically until the ship was just a dot in the distance. It was going to be dull without Gan Ning around, and she'd miss him so much. It was all for the best though she figured.  
  
Da Qiao tugged on her arm. "We should go. Lu Meng wants me to discuss something with him later."  
  
"Sis, I want to get some food for dinner later. I will go back on my own okay?"  
  
"Okay. Be sure to come back before the sun sets."  
  
They went separate ways.  
  
Xiao Qiao walked out from the jetty, started down the steps until she stopped dead, listening to something.  
  
"Watch where you're going fool!"  
  
"Sorry old man, gotta run!"  
  
There was some mild cursing and the patter of boots on stone, running towards her. And there he was, running around the corner, his hair flying crazily as he ran, his long red and white robe flapping behind him like a bizarre cloak.  
  
Xiao Qiao looked at him, totally clueless. Zhou Yu caught sight of her and walked over to her breathlessly, straightening out his clothes. After all, there was a lady present and his heart skipped a little with the presence of this particular lady.  
  
"Xiao Qiao, has the ship left yet?"  
  
"Just did." Xiao Qiao replied.  
  
"Damn it!" he punched the air angrily, cursing his bad luck.  
  
Xiao Qiao hesitated before asking, "Are you looking for Gan Ning and Sun Ce?"  
  
Zhou Yu's face lit up considerably at this question, his regular predatory smile appearing on his face.  
  
"Well yes I am, how did you guess?"  
  
'Because I knew about *everything*' Xiao Qiao thought.  
  
"They just left. Sun Ce and Gan Ning that is."  
  
He looked at her, a little smile on his face, "I just wanted to wish them off. So what are you doing here?"  
  
"I wanna get some food for dinner" she stated matter of factly.  
  
"Xiao Qiao..." Zhou Yu rolled the two syllables around in his mouth thoughtfully before smiling sexily at her, "Can I buy you dinner?"  
  
He looked down at Xiao Qiao. Her face had dropped its grin and she was staring blankly at Zhou Yu, blinking several times before making and attempt to speak, but her mouth didn't seem to work. Zhou Yu didn't seem to notice, since his gaze was fixed on her, his expression equally as blank and waiting for an answer.  
  
Why was he getting so nervous around Xiao Qiao all of a sudden for crying out loud? He knew he was attracted to her before and he dealt with girls on a day-to-day basis...but there was something different about her, something mischievous in her eyes, yet she seemed so innocent. And so pretty, *god* she was pretty...  
  
"Um...I...sure." she managed to say eventually.  
  
Why was she getting like this? Zhou Yu was just a *normal* guy after all...this guy had slept with Sun Ce for god's sake. Yet the way he was looking at her, the strands of black hair falling across his cheeks, and his eyes...those eyes, such an amazing glow in them. She smiled up at him without realising it, and Zhou Yu smiled back, a different kind of smile than he usually wore, and one that Xiao Qiao has never seen before which she finds pretty attractive.  
  
'Maybe life without Gan Ning around for a while wouldn't be so dull after all. Just maybe... ' Xiao Qiao thought to herself, a smile on her face.  
  
- THE END -  
  
**Note: So there you have it, "Heart on Fire" in all its glory (pff, I wish). This story has been so fun to write, as twisted as it may sound, what with suicide attempts and rape occurring and a big fat load of sadness sprinkled on top for good measure, but it was fun to write none the less. And you know what made it all worthwhile? YOU. The reader.  
  
I've got so many supportive emails and they are what have made me carry on this fic. At some points I felt like giving up and just throwing it in the bin but I didn't, and I'm so glad I didn't ^_^ It seems to me that this is the first Sun Ce and Gan Ning pairing fic and I'm glad, since they're one of my favourite pairings!  
  
Thank you for the reviews and thank you for not leaving it despite its sadness.  
  
DEDICATION:  
  
Firstly, I wanna dedicate this fic to Koei, because without them I wouldn't have written this and there would be no Dynasty Warriors series (NO! THE HORROR!)  
  
Next, I wanna dedicate this fic to everyone who's stuck with it. Basically everyone who reviewed it or emailed me, I thank you all ^_^  
  
Lastly (almost done!) I wanted to say that I'm not sure if I'm quite through with Sun Ce and Gan Ning yet...I'm very tempted to find out what happens on that vacation myself. All I can say is be on the lookout ^_~  
  
**COMING SOON from RainyMysteria: Also if you like this fic, and you wanna see more of my fics. You can submit your suggestions in the Review section of this fic. I am now working on a Zhou Yun and Jiang Wei fic, would anyone be interested? Look out for it (no title given yet) in Dynasty Warriors section in Fanfiction.net. 


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